Match.com: What was I thinking?

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I've been unusually desperate lately so I sign up for Match.com

Instantly I'm looking at literally thousands of people in my area who are almost all identical (except on the outside) and looking for someone who couldn't possibly exist.

Now I'm even more depressed - what a complete waste of time/money.

Someone please talk me out of online dating (again), it's ruining any possibility of me actually getting a date...

Yeah.



Tried Okaycupid? It's free, and you occasionally find people who don't present that same old cookie cutter personality.



I think it's a good idea, just don't pay for it, and don't take it too seriously.

Sorry you're feeling down, I hope it passes soon. I go through phases of 'desperation' sometimes.

Fact: dating sites suck for men, it's the last desperate resort.

Yup , okcupid is better (just because it's free).

You can find weirdos there too.


Btw, is that you in your avatar?

Weirdos are my favourites.

and so mine....

but not all weirdos alike....

Me, or Grisha?

Grish looks like Charile Sheen or something.

Yes, that's me, and thanks for the advice - I'll try OKC just to make me feel like I'm doing something.

I wonder if all the profiles seem the same because people use books or something - like when baby name books became popular and an entire generation of American males ended up getting named "Conner".

the world of scifi fandom is a lot more evenly-gendered, these days, & i think if you have those sorts of interests such venue would be a lot more likely than an online roster of overwhelmingly numerous others.

I've come to think that's kind of the point to these sites. I've tried them in the past, but don't plan to again. Everyone on them is looking for someone who doesn't exist, but which culturally we've been taught to expect to find. When they can't find that person among the people in their immediate vicinity, they convince themselves that their ideal must exist somewhere, just not where they are. These same people don't really like who they are, so try to recreate themselves as their own ideal person, which, through the influence of culture, is almost identical to everyone else's ideal self. What you end up with is a string of paperdolls, none of which actually resembles the person it's supposed to represent.

Dating sites can work. I've seen studies to back this. Discounting them totally because you don't like the one you chose after being a member for a grand total of 5 minutes is stupid.

Its called cut and paste-the computer age is a wonderful thing.

QFT - every word.

Im very much not suited to dating sites. Ive tried okcupid a few times and got a few replies but they joke too much and make banter and small talk and I ruin it by haveing no sence of humour and replying seriously/literally or getting confused. It totally shows up all my weaknesses in conversation. At least in real life I can wear something sexy and smile which compensates for the crap social skills, on dating sites they cant see any compensatory features (such as nice eyes or kindness/careing).

In the future I will stick to interest groups as at least then one can get to know people slowly and find out if our personality suits and if they can tollerate my funny ways. I think its worse to get attached to someone online and then find out they dont like me in real life.

With all due respect, I really find it hard to believe that a semi good looking guy with a good job can't find a girlfriend unless he had REALLY high standars....bad social skills or not.



What are you doing wrong?



It seems women have these un-reasonable expectations that we men can't possibly meet. All we really expect is a chick to be decent looking and not be a pain in the ass to be around.

I think it's just standard NT behaviour; everyone writes the same or similar things on their profile because they want to seem normal; i.e. not frightening or confusing.