I feel discouraged.

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First of all, I would like to state plainly and clearly that this is NOT a "Nice Guy" thread, so don't even go there.

Okay, now that that disclaimer is out of the way...

I have realized that finding love has always been one of my greatest aspirations. So much so that it has an almost mystic quality to it, sort of like drugs did before I started doing them. This is a thought that I have deliberately ignored and avoided addressing, because I don't want to face the idea that what I desire most is something that I will never have. In a way, most of the effort I have put into trying to be successful has been my way of compensating for this. I can't have what I want, so I have to make up for it in other areas of my life, to try to justify not having it.

I have never asked anyone out or tried to start a relationship, but I feel that that doesn't matter, because it would be futile. Of all the aspies I've seen on here, there are almost no males in the "Have asperger's - Diagnosed" category who have ever had a girlfriend. I read about a support group for older aspie males - people who were in their forties and fifties; out of a group of 50 people, only two had ever been in a relationship.

It's not just the AS either. Somehow I feel that I've become less attractive. I think I act like a freak, and walk funny and talk weird. Maybe I have developed some hideous facial deformity that I haven't noticed. I will never know until I try to hit on some girls, and I'm afraid to do that, because I know if I get rejected it will be a huge blow to my confidence. Plus I'd probably look like a pervert; the more people you ask out, the more desperate people think you are; that's why I would never play the "numbers game". Besides, how can a relationship be meaningful if it's just with some random person who just happened to be the first one who didn't reject me?

I don't want a girlfriend right now; I know I'm not ready for one. But I wish it was easier, because I don't like the thought of never being able to do something. I only get one life.

I don't want to post a photo. I prefer to be anonymous.

Yes, getting a girlfriend and starting a relationship does seem to be difficult for aspie males. You could try on-line dating. I must admit though, since I registered on OKCupid a few months ago, I haven't had as much luck as I would of liked.

Well, if you want love...first define for us what "love" is. Otherwise we can't help you very well.

Mate you're only 21. When I was 21, I fit so well into the "desparate and dateless" category it wasn't funny. At first I complained, went on these nice guys finish last rants etc, but I realised the problem wasn't society, or a conspiracy against Asp sufferers, it was me. I was a clingy, emotionally dependant guy who didn't take care of himself and was 100% dependant on someone else to be happy. If I was a girl I wouldn't date me either!

I don't know how many psych books, self improvement lectures etc I went to at 22-24, but I worked on being happy as a single man, got some hobbies etc

At 25, I was confident enough to date, I wasn't fussed by rejection, I wasn't even looking for a "soulmate", just meeting new people etc

At 27 I met my "wife" to be

I'm now 33, married, house, job, kids etc.

Don't rush yourself, don't be ashamed of who you are, I think the main thing you and many other AS ppl lack is self confidence. It goes a long way.

I'm serious, in all my time on WP, I have not seen a single male who claimed to have had a relationship whose profile said they were diagnosed with asperger's syndrome. All of the people who talk about their relationships are either female, neurotypical, or have "Have Asperger's - Undiagnosed" or "Not sure if I have it or not" on their profile. I have a feeling these guys are only in relationships because they don't actually have AS or only have a borderline case, and that relationships for a true aspie male are virtually impossible. Real aspie men die alone.