Do I dare want any more relationships (35) - Help
I cant seem to have friendships with women without intimacy
And have a way of getting what I want without caring about anyone's feelings
Nor can I find anyone that wants to be closer then friends, just friends
I fall deeply for the last 2 of them, one when I was 31, the last one was this year, now she is gone also and made sure she left plenty of scares. Yet she still wants to maintain a friendship, I became part of her family in ways, a beautiful single mother with 2 twin girls, age 2. I helped them out in all ways I could, and played the dad/hubby role it felt like, we went through a rough week, maybe too many rough weeks, she kicked me out of her life and picked up a instant boyfriend. But she still needs more around for her but I I have a very hard time wanting to be there now, seeing how she got a boyfriend to make sure I stay at a good distance.
That is all I want now is Distance, I find myself more bitter then ever, and find it hard to think anyone will accept all I have to give, and I love to give, or I did.
Our relationship was very sexual and better then I ever had, once I convinced her to sleep with me the door was open and stayed open for 8-9 months
My relationships don't last that long, 8-10 months at best before I have drove them insane
I have lived 31 of my 35 years before I knew what made me different, but even knowing I have AS has not made anything better, in my opinion worse (diagnosed ADHD at 6-8 early 1980's)
I find it hard to not think I will always repeat the same scenario, and just hurt those that I care about the most. and all the learning and understandings that don't come easy, I end up causing pain to those I love. they then lose faith and I am left looking at the pieces of a broken relationship, the pieces never fit back into place after the damages.
I have watched my mother stick by my AS father, and he is more hurtful then me, He has No Mirror. they have been together for 44 years, my mother is a Saint because of that.
I do not see that in my future, and I would not want to put anyone through that anymore, I don't think a Saint like that will come into my life
I had wanted to know what was wrong with me, and what has plagued me my whole life, when I found out it was AS I was hopeful I would find a better place, I still am looking, but becoming less hopeful and more comforted in the thought I will be alone for the rest of my life, and that seems the less stressful route for everyone. I am a deeply loving and caring person with allot to offer a family, so I think it is a shame all the way around.
A common thread in my last 2 relationships has been " You will never be happy, you will always find something wrong to make everyone's life hell "
I hope that isn't true. I also have 13 year old daughter I am very close to, and she has touches of the disorder on the social side. and I am afraid when she is older and in relationships, that she will have the same problems, I am looking for ways to help me learn how to function
We are both very outgoing for having AS, and most people are shocked to hear we have this.
But those that know us close see the true sides. Sorry my post is so long I just have allot to cover and figure out. I really don't want to be alone forever, I would like a family
Thank you all for reading - Sean ![]()
curlyfry
Veteran
Joined: 13 Jun 2010
Age: 57
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,502
Location: Latitude : 45.373. Longitude : -84.955
Were you just unknowingly blunt or over critical without realizing it?
Answer: No I realize everything I do to them, just cant figure out why I have to complex over something most of the time. usually once they become comfortable, and we both do, I start to treat people like an emotional punching bag, they get sick of that and leave shortly after this starts progressing, and seems to keep progressing.
It makes it easy to see why they leave and I don't blame them
I just don't know why I do this to the people I love, I just don't get it
I cant bear to do this to anyone again, I just wish I could find peace
Sean
