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antonblock
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

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Joined: 26 Dec 2010
Age: 40
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Location: europe

04 Jan 2011, 2:34 pm

Hi,

i loved some girl for the last 11 years, and she also liked me, gave me lots of chances. But i had so many fears and didn't know how important eye contact is, and i didn't get it. Last year she looked into my eyes and asked me out, but i looked away (it was too intensive for me), and she thought i wouldn't like her and got angry. She has someone else for half a year.

I always thought of her as the love of my life. I feel very depressed and have no clue what to do.

best regards,
anton



Brainiac5
Raven
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Location: Norman, OK. USA

04 Jan 2011, 4:08 pm

If you both liked each other for 11, then you probably still have a good chance in the long run. Respect her current relationship, but if it doesn't last you've got another chance.



TenFaces
Snowy Owl
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04 Jan 2011, 6:14 pm

That is how life works. The " love of your life" will be lost. It happens to everyone. The love of your life thing is caused by our over-sentimentalized culture. I used to believe in that love of my life thing too. As I grew older, I saw everyone who got to marry their "love" descend into divorce or a dull marriage. Only those who marry for practical reasons or those that rely on religion seem to do well.
Whether by fate, dissatisfaction, the machinations of others, or the unyielding power of death we shall lose the "love of our life".



techstepgenr8tion
SomeRandomGuy
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04 Jan 2011, 10:51 pm

I had at least a handful of brushes with people who - well - I felt like I'd known them through multiple lifetimes or on the other side practically. It seems like when you have a genetic oddity and find yourself far enough out of the mainstream to where almost everyone feels the same and most of the eye candy out there is useless, you meet someone once perhaps every two or three years who'll really light you on fire. What sucks though, even when its a mutual feeling, its no guarantee that you won't try to talk to her and put your foot in your mouth and have things more or less fall down - not because she judged you but because you judged yourself. Or just as often they may try to talk to you, feel like it went south, and walk away beating on themselves over it. Heck, I've had a few occasions where I did get to know the girl and we'd literally take turns - I'd try to get her interest for a week but feel like I was getting blocked, I'd give up, then she tries me at all the wrong times where I'm sapped on energy (had a VERY hectic restaurant job) and can barely twitch a facial muscle let alone smile and exchange a few words. It would just go back and forth until it went nowhere.

I think what sucks for us, it may not be true for all but its likely true for a lot who have difficulty finding people - we tend to be reserved and emotionally intense. We're then almost super magnetically drawn to many of the opposite sex who are easily as intense as we are. The problem - same social obstacles both ways. Like I always remembered - take two extremely attractive members of the opposite sex who are both equally and incredibly attractive; one is elegant and mysterious while the other is the self-effacing extrovert who'll talk to anyone and is hardly ever serious. Which intimidates you more? Its obvious. The later I could talk to for quite a while, even with conversation material running out, and not feel too on edge. If someone's more on the intense side though - yeah, you can feel almost overwhelmed by the outpouring of nonverbal energy (usually their dominant language over verbal) but then you also really start worrying about how your words are placed, whether they'll offend or not, in a sense they almost scare you off because you get a sense that they're very brittle - like you could make their day or make them hate you just by saying a few things one way or another. I'm not at all saying don't date the later - just that you're better off finding them, if you can, online. Face to face conversation on that level is very difficult if there's still any ice to be broken.