Need to be Alone vs Need for Love

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My aut and PTSD make it so I need to be alone very much of the time. When I am forced to share quarters I deteriorate very rapidly.

But I also desire to be loved, though I have resigned myself to that not being possible.

I am just wondering if anyone has dealt with this and what conclusions they came to?

I have dealt with these conflicting needs myself, and somewhat poorly; it is very difficult to get a person to sincerely understand and accept their partner wanting alone time without them being hurt by it. Many people will say that they understand and are okay with it, and mean it, but when the time comes, still feel hurt.

All the same, I do believe that it's possible for them to be reconciled as long as one enters into a relationship openly and honestly expressing these needs and making sure the other party understands that a need for alone time is nothing personal and is not a reflection of the relationship. I think it might be ideal if each party has a need for alone time--that way they can understand each other without feeling hurt and they can each have their needs met simultaneously. This last is purely hypothetical, though--I haven't given it a try myself.

I don't just want love. I crave it. The reason why is because I need someone that I can connect with in a world that means nothing.

Even NT's have a saying, "Women, you cant live with them, and you cant live without them".
Maybe living in a big house, seperate bedrooms, whilst unfathionable, are probably more romantic in that its extra special when you do come together.

I've thought that this seems like a great idea, personally. Having separate bedrooms doesn't mean you can't sleep together. It just means that you can also get away and satisfy that need for solitude/space when you need it. I'm sure it can be unhealthy and detract from intimacy, but anyone who would let it do so would probably be having intimacy problems even with a shared bedroom. Alternatively, there could be one shared bedroom plus two individual personal-space rooms, but that's an awful lot of rooms. Two separate bedrooms wouldn't have to require a big house (although it might if you have kids).

I am a 70/30 guy, which means I need to be alone 70% of my day but I wouldn't mind having interaction at least 30% and usually less, for a part of my day.

This issue HAS been a conflicting part of myself being able to pursue a relationship with a woman. As it stands now, I am 40 years-old and have never been in an intimate relationship, mainly because of this issue. I just can't seem to be able to let go of my need for alone time and the thought of a relationship stresses me out about that.

OP, I understand what your saying - having people around drains you considerably. My question though, is it the sensory issues or do you have a gamut of different types of people where some many drain you but some at least recharge you? If its the former, you'd need to find someone who's either very understanding or has the same problem themselves. If its the later, try to find someone who you don't have to put on a front around and who actually does invigorate you/make you feel alive, in that sense they're an addition to your personal sanctuary rather than a disruption.

I have no idea how it would work out for me, because there's an inherent tradeoff.

Because of how I am, I have a strong feeling I'm going to have to go through life "solo mid" (DOTA reference, there). I don't like the idea but I have the sense that its the only sane option.

This sums up my own feelings. When I feel loved, I feel whole. Nothing else does this for me.