Should I move to a city?

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Here's my problem: I live in a remote village and there just aren't many people. But I have a low paid job. I don't lack self confidence, and I'm pretty sure that SOMEWHERE out there is a woman who could be happy with me, but how to find her??? Here are my choices:

1. Stay put: my job and family are here. I'm on OKCupid and PlentyOfFish, sooner or later I'll find a girl who doesn't mind the distance or lack of money, right?

2. Get a low paid job in the biggest city I can find and work up? I'm 42 and live in the UK if that is relevant.

3. Keep online dating from here, and promise any girl that I will move to their city, and hope she doesn't mind if I can only get a low paid job when I arrive?

4. Wait a couple of years - by then I should have more money and moving will be easier (a project I'm working on)? Two more years alone. Great, just what I want.

What would you do?

I'd stay put. If you only qualify for a low-wage job in a rural area, then you will either be underqualified for most jobs in an urban area, or you will find that even though your pay may be better, the cost of living in the city will leave you with less disposable income than if you had stayed put.

So stay put.

You could get a car and commute to the city, otherwise maybe stay put. May I ask where your nearest city is? Maybe you could start putting the feelers out for a job in your nearest town. The moment they offer you a position, rent a room out nearby. Just make sure you have the deposit saved up prior to all this (unlike me :oops:)

i'd move (option 2). it would be harder than heck, but with a new environment can come new chances. as long as you are still in your comfort zone, you might not be truly motivated to get out there and find love. and... you can always move back if it doesn't work out.

option 4 isn't a bad idea, but if you wait you might find that you will find reasons to stay.

bucephalus had some good advice for how to do the move in stages.

If you are trapped in hell, I would suggest moving ASAP!

But seriously, I hope you figure it out soon.

Inverness is 135 country miles away, but it's not very big. The nearest sizeable city is Aberdeen, over 200 miles away.

The job thing is a little frustrating. I am ALMOST qualified for a lot of things - but not quite. I was trained as a physics teacher in England, but that was 20 years ago and I've never used the qualification (plus it's worthless in Scotland), so I'm not sure how valuable it would be. I'd love to do it part time, but I think being a full time teacher would give me a nervous breakdown. Ten years ago I had my own multimedia business, but technology has moved on and the stuff I did is basically what Powerpoint can do now. I think my best chance is to put more time into a computer game I'm making, that way I won't have to rely on employers (I always think I know better so never enjoy working for others!)

For the past 3 years since the divorce I've lived with my parents in order to be near my kids, but it makes me so comfortable that I'm forgetting how to be independent, plus it adds to commuting time. So I'm thinking of moving close to my existing work just as a first step, then maybe moving south after. I get on well with my parents in one way, they are lovely people, nut there are religious differences which make life very awkward. Buying a car is not an option on my income (less than half the national average wage) and all the dating sites just assume you can get to where the girls are - which is not always true!

Thanks for the feedback.

Nothing is ever simple!

From a love and dating point of view it's no wonder, geographically, you are considering a move as you need a critical mass of population. It sounds like you have different options concurrently as per your original post which is good as it means if one thing doesn't work out, another option might happen. If you do relocate are you open to going anywhere throughout the UK or do you wish to stay in Scotland? Personally I'd avoid London from a dating point of view, not the place to be if you're not on a high salary and there's more of a burden in terms of the demands of women. Especially if you wish to stay in Scotland, I've no hesitation in recommending Edinburgh and the Lothian area as a whole, depending on how far you'd want to be inside or outside of the city.

I'd move and try returning to school to qualify for a better job. You're never too old for school. While the Parliament has been stripping everything lately and I believe students have every right to protest, it's still a good deal to receive some allowance for school. This may help sustain you in a metropolitan area and will give you a more stable future. It'll also lend you confidence.

Q: How do you eat an elephant?
A: One bite at a time.

Plan this out by steps and take each step as you can. You'll get it all done and feel better about your success. With all this to concentrate on, I bet you'll turn someone's head who is very attracted to men with goals who take the steps necessary to achieve their goals. You don't need to earn hundreds of thousands of pounds per year. You don't need to have a prestigious career. You just need to know what you want and be willing to work for it. You'd be amazed how few men are like that and how many women appreciate that.

I say move because it's courageous and could provide the future you want, but be smart about it. Don't take off without a plan or you'll end up in a cardboard box within the week. Plan this. Save money. Do it right and you'll do fine. Good luck!

i didn't realize there are kids involved. that might change my advice. how old are they?