Crush on NT boy

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I've posted about this before, however I did it from a very pesimistic, I dont have a chance with him perspective. After talking to some friends and getting to know him a little better I have a tad more confidence but still kinda pessimistic. Heres the situation:

Theres an NT boy who I have a huge crush on who I met about 3 months ago thru some friends. I got to know him mostly because he works in the library and I do hw in the library a lot so I visit him at the desk during his work hours. Im at the point where I know his work hours and he knows this. My online friends said that this is kinda creepy but my RL friends who know him havent said anything when I mention this. Theres been a couple occasions when he told me when he was working that week.

Ive had several meals with him one on one mainly cause we both happen to be in the cafeteria during off hours and there was no else around, as well as other meals with a ton of other people, typically I dont get to talk to him as much during these times. Hes a very nice and funny person. And he has these quirks about him that I really like. He's well liked by many people and his roommate told me many girls find him entertaining(which I do 2)

One of the biggest problems is that hes a strong Christian and Im an agnostic. I dont know if he'd go for a non-Christian. However I talked to my friends who knows him well said he'd perfer a Christian but he would give a non-Christian a chance. I talked to a few friends about this, most of them dont know him, they were telling me I should tell him. My friend who knows him says it gives him a chance to respond. Another friend says I can finally, "come clean with my feelings." Im mostly just nervous and overly concerned about the circumstances.

See I have almost no confidence as it goes for guys in person. I find that lots of guys will take interest in my online, whether or not its off a dating site. Im one of those girls who can come across as attractive only if u initially meet me online not if u meet me 1st in person. See the last time I liked a guy in person and he knew, things did not go down very well. And he's all saying that I should have hid my feelings if I knew he wasnt into me. However this guy is currently a little older then the other 1 was and more mature and so much nicer then the last guy.

It seems that I have been dropping hints that Im interested in him. Many of the things I do are small and alone wouldnt amount to much but they add up, he might know? Heres an example of a hint, His birthday was a few days ago, so I just happen to remember so I texted him and sent him a pic(of a mt near my house), even tho its winter break, his birthday wasnt listed on fb, and he goes to my college, and no one else from my college posted on his profile.

So I still kinda stuck

I think your next steps are heavily impacted by the answers to two questions:

Are you sure he is NT?

Does he know you are AS?

I cannot really speculate on the circumstances. Other NTs will be able to tell if he is interested in you if they are in a position to witness the two of you together. Just be careful asking an NT for an emotional favor. It really opens you up to bullies.

Imagine this if you will. Two girls walk into the library together and have lunch with our librarian. Ten minutes into lunch the girls go to 'powder their noses'. The NT girl gives the lowdown on the scene to the AS girl. As they are walking back, the NT girl gets a 'phone call from her boyfriend' and politely bows out leaving the AS girl with our librarian at the end of lunch. If the news is good, she smiles and finishes lunch with him. If the news is not, she has an easy out, soon. If the news is bad, don't try to salvage it. For me, the emotion would be too high and I would jack it all to hell.

Here are a few things I have learned that work for me. I am 41, married, male and recently diagnosed. So while we have some similarities, we have some differences too. Your mileage may vary.

"The truth shall set you free." If he is worth your time, it will matter in the long run. You don't have to be blunt, nor do you want to blast him with a bunch of Aspie quirks in 5 minutes, but don't hide. If you stim and you need to, tell him the truth. Don't fib about the girlfriend lunch thing either. Make sure it is OK with the NT girl if our librarian learns about the lunch.

All successfull 'adult' relationships are based on friendship. All successfull friendships are based on trust. It will matter.

Patience. I met my wife when we were ready to be together. I had to learn patience (among a great many other things) before I could be worth her time. I was not looking when I found her. It allowed us to be friends for several years before our first kiss.

Trust takes time. All friendships require patience because trust takes time.

Try not to plan the whole moment out in advance with obsessive thinking. I am OCD. If you are not, enjoy the freedom. If you are and have the discipline, avoid planning a date out in minute detail in advance. It will help prevent dissapointment if things don't go the way you plan. That helps me live in the moment which makes it easier for me to adjust which helps me see the opportunities, remain upbeat and mitigate withdrawls or melt downs. This is one place where you will want to "wing" some of it.

ALL of this opens you up to bullies in a very big way, MUCH more so than an NT girl. Please plan your exit strategy in advance and have a backup plan if the guy turns out to be a turd. Please do not internalize it if he treats you poorly. For us this will always be a leap of faith.

Embrace the random, trust in God and have a backup plan.

I hope these words will be of some help to you. It will mean something to me if they are.

Regards

Umm I had a really hard time trying to understand what you are saying. But in response to the aspie/NT thing. Im pretty darn sure hes NT and he does not know Im aspie but I dont think thats that important as for now. If he wants to get involved with me, then I would tell him I was aspie. When u say this opens me up to bullies, what do u mean by that? Cause Im not in highschool anymore.

I apologize for my syntax and the length. I am difficult for many to understand, not just you. I do not intend to insinuate that you are in high school or in any way foolish. I just wish I had someone to tell me this once long ago.

The bullies don't stop when you leave highschool. Their schemes take longer to mature are more subtle and are more hurtful when they are revealed.

Your lack of confidence will be attractive to many men. Men who value commitment and who have been waiting for that special someone with whom to share a life will be attracted to a woman who is not 'worldly wise'. He may be looking to abstain until marriage. When I was growing up a Christian boy in a Christian school, I was taught to look for this in a girl as a qualifying asset.

Your lack of confidence will also be extremely attractive to human scum. People exist who will sell their 'friends' for a few pizzas out of greed. They actively hunt for people who lack confidence. Always have a backup plan.

You say you are leaving hints. A good Christian boy is likely to be difficult for any girl to hint with due to his upbringing. Add in some of our Aspie traits and the hinting can go on forever, freezing the relationship.

I would need a third party, an NT, to 'break the ice'. NTs do this for each other all the time. This NT 'ice breaker' will give you an objective view by observing the signals that he is sending back to you when you two are together.

You can use that to know how to progress with better finesse. As I see it, you can tell him in private. Or you can escalate the hints. Next time, send him a photo of you smiling at the camera. Or bake cookies and share them with him at lunch.

If your NT icebreaker friend tells you that your librarian is not responding or is responding negatively, you can withdraw with dignity before things 'go down' poorly.

I have seen NT bullies pair up to really lower the boom on someone neither of them like. I would want to be sure of the loyalty of my NT icebreaker friend, because that person has my back. If the icebreaker betrays me, I will need a reliable backup plan.

Regards,