partners who want marriage/kids

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Ok, I'm gonna be 28 this year. I have noticed a lot of male friends getting engaged in the last few months... Next, I expect to see them having kids. Most/all of them want that life.

Me, I am looking for a woman who just wants a relationship and can take it easy. Basically I want the girlfriend, sex, companionship, but marriage is years off for me. Kids, I never want for several reasons that I won't get into.

I tend to encounter a mix of very flaky women who are still looking for something better, and don't know what they want. The rest are chasing the marriage/family dream. I'm a bit socially immature, and I never really started dating until I was 25. So, I am a bit undercooked on the inside

I just don't get why everyone wants marriage/kids. I want love, sex, companionship, possibly more if I can... but the whole family thing ugh... no. I don't get why people value their freedom so little that they want to give it all up for the sake of procreation and societal expectations (marriage).

On the other hand, I am pretty used to being single and blown off/dumped every time I date a woman for more than a month. I don't get what the problem is there, but that's another topic.

tbf. If you're having trouble with relationships so to speak then it's probably a good job that you don't want kids.

They're are people who don't want kids... but they seem to be the minority. Are you against kids period or would you consider adoption?

Mindslave, your post is further proof that John Lennon was right when he said woman was the N-word of the world.

As for me, I'm never marrying or having kids. The part of people that wants to start a family is not part of me.

Marriage: Why should two people, gay or straight, have to have a stupid piece of paper saying they're together? It's nothing more than an outdated social construct that has been obsolete for the past fifty years.

I can't have kids...and I don't mind that I can't...But the sense of knowing that I will likely never marry or have kids makes me feel a bit lonely and anxious...I have no trouble getting into relationships...but understand that were anyone to marry me, it might be a big ugly mess...and also I am not religious....and if marriage is a religious institution...then why would I want any part in it....I am far more comfortable IN a relationship, than not, and marriage and children are things that I feel it is foolish for me to want...even frivolous...To me the notion of marriage is as a "rite of passage"...but rites of passage are illusions..it really does not matter that I will never marry or have children or learn to drive or any of those things....just like I don't need to eat cheese enchiladas on a Sunday afternoon, or buy another stinking ukulele....it is all stuff I can live without...

Peoples ideas sometimes change if they meet the love of their lives.

At the moment I don't want kids, I feel like a kid myself. Marriage - meh, don't care really.

The financial aspects of a failed marriage (or even common law relationship) are big disincentives to get married for me. I'm 27, own a house, and have $100,000.00 in savings already... because I work so hard and so many hours. It's pretty easy to lose that in a divorce. AS marriage success rates aren't high. NT divorce rates are 50%. If I was broke, I wouldn't care. Money isn't everything, but why take that kind of risk when the odds are so stacked against you? I'd rather have a long term girlfriend, but this is tough. AS/NT Compatibility issues aside, I find a lot of women just want to play the dating field and get bored easy. The ones who want the long term relationship are marriage/family minded. I'm trying to find a woman inbetween those 2 groups.

Pre nup.

Things can get messy even without marriage..I will not elaborate, but I know..

Pre-nup. The greatest invention in the history of mankind.

I'm not really big on rituals, and a wedding is a ritual. Spending my whole life with someone? I'll do that. I want to do that with my girlfriend, in fact. In my mind, we're already married and I think that that's what matters. It's the decision, not the ceremony. Some people need the ceremony to feel that the decision is real, though.

I will flatly refuse to have genetic children when/if I get involved with a woman. Besides Aspergers, I have Crohn's disease which is a very severe autoimmune disorder. Mine is relatively mild and under control with medication, but it can be debilitating, and is extremely painful regardless. Odds are good that any kids I had would inherit one of my conditions. Further, I have a family history of mental illness in general and putting multiple people with mental illnesses in the same home is probably not the best idea. . I would be open to adoption, but that's expensive and I can't see ever having the financial resources for that. It's one of the things I'd have to talk about with potential partners at the dating stage.

As far as marriage goes, it's really just a ritual. Rituals mean very little to me (I didn't attend my own HS graduation), but relationships are about compromise and if it's important to my partner, it's not a really horrible inconvenience. I could go into the historical and sociological function marriage has had, but it's not really about logic and reason for NTs. IMO, the reason that the institution persists is because of the social signaling it send. People get married because they want to be seen as, and treated as, a married couple by society. This is, not surprisingly, of little importance to aspies. Still, if I expect someone to tolerate the aspie stuff that doesn't make sense to them, I should be able to tolerate the NT stuff that doesn't make any sense to me.

I'm just going to point out that marriage is different in value to each individual and varies by culture. I mean, for a person who believes in the sanctity of marriage I'd recommend marriage but it doesn't have the same value to everybody, after all, we are all different. To some people moving in together is the equivalent of marriage and to them I'd recommend that. Whatever gives you that sense of concreteness. Of what value is a marriage done by a Christian minister to a Muslim? Certainly not the same value it would have to a Christian and this holds true for other views and beliefs so I'D say marriage isn't for everybody.