Accidental/out of control flirtatious behaviour

Post Reply New Topic

Sometimes when I'm at a mixed gender social event I find myself surrounded by groups of guys whom I'm talking to, and I wonder whether I am coming across as flirtatious when I don't mean to be. I find even guys with partners gravitate to the male circles around me (when this occurs), which really bothers me, as it makes me feel like a home wrecker (even if it's not that extreme).

At all social/crowded events I tend to behave in an ultra friendly and outgoing fashion (very over the top) which is sort of a defense mechanism I think, as the more drunk/overtired/claustrophobic I feel the more extreme my outgoing behaviour gets. I wonder if my "friendly" behaviour is coming across as "flirtatious" behaviour and thus unintentionally drawing the kind of male attention I don't want, or too much male attention (making me the party attention whore so to speak). I think this can be a very bad thing as it causes me to break unwritten social rules, which can damage any social relationships I form with people at the event.

I wondered if anybody could relate to this, or share tips that may help nip this sort of thing in the bud - how to be friendly without crossing the line into flirtatious.

sunshower, how is it working for you?

If you are that flirty then you must have lots of dates.

If not then perhaps you are not as flirtatious as you imagine.

I do tend to get asked out a bit, but I try to discourage people mostly before they even get to that point when I know for certain we aren't matched. It causes more grief than anything (usually for me, because I hate hurting people). What I mean to say is I don't want to be leading people on, only to reject them or cause trouble in their pre-existing partnerships. I don't want to be that person.

My problems with dating lie not so much in starting something, or attracting people, but in maintaining anything or finding anyone I am actually compatible with I think. I don't presume to know everything. I guess the point of this topic is that I want tips on how to be more socially appropriate and not overly flirtatious by accident.

Speaking for myself, I have less of a wall between strangers and people I know. That makes me a more effective writer, artist, political activist, but it makes it harder for me to get to know people socially. I can also get into a mode of all-sending, no-receiver, perhaps more so when I'm nervous. I am then "on."

Okay, so I tell myself to take it in medium steps. That's the theory. Then I try and add individual skills. For example, if someone asks how's a job going, often they just want like a two sentence answer. Then I can ask them how things are going with them.

Accidental, yes. When I try to do it on purpose, I fail.