Is there a way to make fear just go away?

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I want to go find a new group of people to do things with, possibly finding a girlfriend in the process. But I'm too afraid...

I set up an OKCupid profile a few days ago, but I'm too afraid to upload a picture or send a message to anybody.

I'd love to just be able to get out there, but it's a great big unknown with too many variables and I get overwhelmed and protective of myself against the myriad personal failures that await me out there. Is there any way to just make the fear go away? Or even better, make the risk of failure itself go away?

"Feel the fear and do it anyway". I love books that sum themselves up with their title.

Fear is something that isn't meant to go away. What you should do is learn to be with it. Let it exist within you. Understand it. Befriend it even. If I feel fear, it's often because I am about to change and grow, and that is something that I have learned to cherish.

I'd re-frame failure in your mind. I never see failure as a problem. If I 'fail' something, then it means I have to do something differently. And so, I do. Failure is part of the process of learning to succeed. If we always learn the lessons from our failure, then they power us towards our goals. The more failure, the more power. Whoosh.

The only time failure is a problem, is when you don't understand that. When people take failure as a sign to give up. When people think that a hurt ego is more important to shield than the development of their whole person.

In the end, the only true failure is the failure to begin. To try, to struggle, expand and develop. As long as you are trying and failing, you are at least living, engaging, doing, being.

On a purely physical level you can make fear go away with Xanax.

There.

However its very easy to develop a dependency, and then you're f****d.

you'll never get anywhere if you don't try
no one will come to you, you have to go to them

I think that throwing yourself into a situation that makes you feel terrified will only increase your fear. Start small, by doing something that feels relatively safe. If you have a friend, go out with him/her to some place where there are people, like a bar, and chat with each other. There might be an opportunity to strike up a casual conversation with someone else. Small steps can build your self confidence. If you don't have a friend to go with you, then start by looking for one friend, perhaps by joining a group or volunteering.

The only way you can eliminate the risk of failure is to redefine your definition of failure.

I think in terms of social relationships, it's just better to accept that you might fail to form one, and it might not be a reflection of shortcomings on your part. I think you should look at social relationships in terms of mutual compatibility, and also levels of compatibility.

Some people are not mutually compatible on any level beyond casual social interaction. Some people are mutually compatible as co-workers, but not friends. Some people are mutually compatible as friends, but not co-workers. Some people are mutually compatible as friends, but not roommates, roommates, but not boyfriend/girlfriend, boyfriend/girlfriend but not spouses.

There are people out there, who are your people, and will be your friends on one level or another, but you won't find them unless you go look for them.

I'm in the same boat as you. It's tough but we just have to push ourselves more to live the life we want to. Nothing will come to us is we just sit back and weight. Friends/social life don't fall on our laps. We got to put ourselves out there.

I'm in the same boat as you. It's tough but we just have to push ourselves more to live the life we want to. Nothing will come to us is we just sit back and weight. Friends/social life don't fall on our laps. We got to put ourselves out there.

I think fear is a good thing. It makes you do things.

I've tried to develop a new tactic of simply not caring anymore. If I get rejected, who cares. It's better to know that something won't happen instead of constantly wondering and obsessing over something you don't know could happen or not. I felt I simply needed to get tougher and not be so emotional and worrisome anymore.

I must not fear.
Fear is the mind killer.
Fear is the little death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain.

Just do it. You'll come out thinking, "that wasn't so bad!"

Sure it hurts, the rejection but after a while the hurt goes away and you think that if they didn't want your company, screw 'em.

In my early 20s, it was tough, not knowing what to do. By not trying anything, I got nothing. Imagine when I'm aged 30, 40, 50! Now thinking back, I should have asked my family members for help. I didn't maybe because I didn't even realize I have asperger! If I knew I had asperger, I'm sure I would have been asking for guidance and improving a lot.

I've been working a lot on fear because of OCD and have gotten the most out of a talk on youtube by Ajahn Brahm called "Letting Go of Fear" plus some other talks and I'm using an OCD workbook to support it.

Some fear is probably wise, but out of proportion to the activity at hand it's a hindrance. Maybe check out that talk. It's very good. He's a Buddhist monk, but you don't have to be Buddhist to benefit from it. It's really sort of secular IMO.

Everyone feels fear when s/he embarks on a task or situation that involves risk. What you need to do is learn not to give into your fear. You will fear failure and rejection, but you have to tell that little voice in your head shouting "abort" to shut the h*ll up and do it anyway.
The only way to get fear to go away is, is to get out there face whatever it is your afraid of. Once you see that you really an do it, you won't be as afraid.
Courage is not the absence of fear; its the ability to face fear.