How are you supposed to "just do it" if you're hur

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It's like sticking your hand in fire. If you've never experienced it before, it's not necessarily something you see as dangerous. Then one day you do that or touch a hot metal object or something like that, and you learn through the intense pain that it is something you should pretty much never do again.

In my experience, such feelings of pain engender reflex actions to avoid ever having to experience that pain again. Another experience happened when I was in high school. I was lifting weights in the school gym, and a weight slipped and nearly crushed my foot. While the foot healed perfectly fine, ever since then my foot will dodge on its own if there is even a remote chance something heavy is on a collision course with it. Also I spent a good 3 years refusing to wear any footwear that didn't have steel inserts in them (unrelated side note: I was talking about my shoes once during this time, and a misunderstanding with a friend of mine made him hear me say "steel toad" instead of "steel toed", and is the origin of my screen name).

So it is with approaching relationships. My first attempt at getting a girlfriend was the very "just do it" style that people advocate I should take now. It ended in a rather nasty rejection. Yes, I was 14, and should have expected that to happen. But I didn't. And the (emotional) pain was so unbearable that again I have this reflex action built up, shutting me down at any attempts I would normally make, no matter how hard I want to, keeping me shut in this hole...

The secret is in approaching these things indirectly, as opposed to head-on.

You don't just jump to the second floor without climbing the stairs. If you do, you may fall, hard.

Don't ask the girl out unless you've managed to hang around under casual circumstances, preferably in a group, and feel there may be chemistry and there are signs of potential mutual interest.

When you do ask her out, it can be casual, so then if she rejects the invitation, it will not hurt as much.

Try, try again.

It's not easy.
But nothing in life worth doing is easy.

Or you feel the pain, accept it, and plow forward anyway. You lifted weights. The first time you ever lifted a weight that challenged your muscles, there must have been pain. The first time I did the full circuit at the gym, my arms were trembling from the exertion and I had a painful stitch in my side from the treadmill. But I kept on as you kept on with the weights.

It hurts but you keep doing it. Then one day you realize that you are so much stronger than you used to be.

Sometimes people use fire too. You said that people learn to instinctively snatch their hands back from hot things because we all learn in toddlerhood that hot=hurt. The whole concept of Coalwalking challenges that. People walk across hot coals to get over the fear of pain and find their own courage and strength. It was a big fad in the 90's.

Facing fear and pain and doing it anyway is the ultimate courage. The threat of emotional pain is very daunting but facing that fear and doing it anyway is the only way to live your life in full.

Every relationship that involves love will also involve pain. I didn't truly appreciate that until I had a child. If you want love, you have to accept the pain that comes along with giving your heart to somebody.

Toad, every time you find yourself feeling like whatever life situation you're facing is more than you can cope with, click on this link and read and re-read this man's story:

Aron Ralston

If whatever crisis is getting you down doesn't equal that, then you'll find a way to manage.

Just ask yourself, "Which problem is the bigger one to have? His, or mine? If I had a choice, which one would I rather be tasked with solving?"

Its all about perspective. No problem is unsolvable. The question is, what are you willing to do to solve it? You can always give up, you have that option. Or you can change the way you look at the situation and refuse to be defeated.

And to start with, on the bright side, you still have a foot to be collided with.

But to be frank. love IS pain, so you might as well get used to that idea from the start. Think of it this way - you have to stick your hand in the flame to retrieve the golden ring. Its going to hurt. But you chose the quest, so man up or go home.

Get advice from people who know what they are doing

http://www.charismaarts.com/

You are not a unique snowflake:
http://www.amazon.com/Game-Penetrating- ... 060554738/

hi there,

i think you have to take care that you don't get any anxiety disorders. I once was reject by a girl and went through such a emotional pain that i had lots of fears. And when I afterwards met another girl, who likes me, i just f****d it up, because i had so many fears.

Fears are learnt.

byebye,
anton

from one of my favorite songs:

No, this is how it works
You peer inside yourself
You take the things you like
And try to love the things you took
And then you take that love you made
And stick it into some
Someone else's heart
Pumping someone else's blood
And walking arm in arm
You hope it don't get harmed
But even if it does
You'll just do it all again

The other thing I don't like about this whole "just repeat hundreds of times until it happens" advice: Doing that is going to result in hundreds of women that are downright creeped out by me, that otherwise wouldn't even know who I am. The last thing I need is to run into such a woman 20 years later, with the ensuing awkwardness...

I never understand, what exactly you want...