Girls how to date aspie guys?

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boosterjones
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19 Jan 2011, 1:26 pm

Often, you will see that many aspies will date fellow aspies (for reasons of their own) but sadly something will come up that one of them can't stand about the other and thus they brake up, often leaving the other heartbroken.

Now this can often be the reason (although there are others) why you'll find that aspies will sometimes be what I like to call 'fellow aspie haters' and I've seen this happen quite a few times.

Now then, a while back I was checking out some of the blogs that other users have put up and I came across one which was written by someone who called herself called 'maxisunnygirl' who took it upon herself to point out to tell her (aspie) sisters how to act around us guys.

A lot of this was criticised as one WP user stated that she was telling aspie girls to just quit being themselves and act like 'stenotype women'

Now although I not sure that it's 100% a good idea to just repress all the weirdness and just put on an act, I can see where she was getting at as she has just written the perfect instruction manual for dating ASPIE men, (in many cases anyway)

After all if we aspies often only see things in 'black and white' then maybe if a girl (be she NT, aspie or otherwise) then in such cases putting on an 'act' would be fine for him as you'll be doing what he will 'require' (for want of a better term) of you.

Although I'm no tyrant (or at least not a bullying one anyway, unless I've been treated badly) I must confess that in the past I've been quite ok with girls pretending to be like the kind of women that I'm into (i.e. sweet, innocent, idealistic, fun and always happy to see me) not because they were scared of me but as they liked me so much they were willing to pretend to be that way (with regards to the ones that weren't that way anyway) as they picked up the hint about my type of woman, after they found out about my interests.

And no I'm yet to ask a girl to do this point blank...

I suppose that this rule could apply to us men too, when dating aspie women as well but I cannot say as I've always been the one who's word was more or less law with regards to the girls I've dated. (if I count school I've had about five or six girls in total, many of them long term ones) so I can't really comment on being subservient to a girlfriend, probably I wouldn't stand for it (although I do still let her have what she wants as well) which is why I must only like girls with AS ,as they often have (in my experience) very little conferdance and sometimes low self esteem, as I've always liked to be the 'white knight' and to have her as the 'princess' if a girl can't face that fact then they can't have me, but as I know quite a few girls that are more than willing to be MY princess then it's not too much of an issue for me.

Personally I don't really want a slave, I only want a girl who'd be happy and content being looked after, too look nice and support me emotionality in any way she can.

She would be welcome to just sit at home and put her feet up i won't mind (it's rather handy that many of the girls I know live of benefits due to their mild conditions) as if she was more independent then I'd only worry about her so much I'd get depressed and maybe try to kill myself (I very rarely react in that way but it has happened in the past, although I did live to tell the tale)

I hope that none of you minded what I put down but those are my feelings on the matter, and I'm sure those of many other users of this site.

goodbye till next time



Mindslave
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19 Jan 2011, 1:30 pm

The way to date an aspie guy is the same way to date any other guy. You cater to his needs, not the needs of "most guys" because everyone is different, including Aspies.



Lene
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19 Jan 2011, 2:32 pm

Quote:
She would be welcome to just sit at home and put her feet up i won't mind (it's rather handy that many of the girls I know live of benefits due to their mild conditions) as if she was more independent then I'd only worry about her so much I'd get depressed and maybe try to kill myself (I very rarely react in that way but it has happened in the past, although I did live to tell the tale)


Why would you worry so much about her being independant?



boosterjones
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19 Jan 2011, 2:43 pm

Lene wrote:
Quote:
She would be welcome to just sit at home and put her feet up i won't mind (it's rather handy that many of the girls I know live of benefits due to their mild conditions) as if she was more independent then I'd only worry about her so much I'd get depressed and maybe try to kill myself (I very rarely react in that way but it has happened in the past, although I did live to tell the tale)


Why would you worry so much about her being independant?


It's not that I'd have issues with her being independent it's just that with this being a big bad old world I'd worry about/if something bad may happen to her.

If she had powers like Supergirl, has or the legal right to order the death or anyone who upsets her then that wouldn't be an issue, but as this is unlikely then I'd want her to be safe.

I know that we aren't living in the stone age, but you can still get hurt thanks to rude, co workers and the like can't you?

Goodbye till Next Time



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19 Jan 2011, 2:45 pm

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I know that we aren't living in the stone age, but you can still get hurt thanks to rude, co workers and the like can't you?


:roll: and she couldn't just deal with it like everyone else?
women are just as strong as men.



boosterjones
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19 Jan 2011, 2:55 pm

emlion wrote:
Quote:
I know that we aren't living in the stone age, but you can still get hurt thanks to rude, co workers and the like can't you?


:roll: and she couldn't just deal with it like everyone else?
women are just as strong as men.


That is true and I don't dispute that, but I'd still worry, and if she was upset (and I mean really upset) I'd want to go and murder or maim (but I won't carry that out you understand) whatever jerks made her upset.

I won't even be able to as much as look at her as I'd only be reminded of her pain, and I won't want her to just bottle it all up inside her as that would be wrong.

As it happens I once fell for a girl who was independent but who had (among others) issues with her father and when I offered my help (I was going to beat him up as I was very immature back then) she not only refused but got quite upset over this which only made matters worse for both of us.

That is why I don't like dating independent women, the worrying is too much for me to handle.

I'm ok with her going to collage uni or even being self employed though.



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19 Jan 2011, 3:02 pm

boosterjones wrote:
I won't even be able to as much as look at her as I'd only be reminded of her pain, and I won't want her to just bottle it all up inside her as that would be wrong.


Even if she's stuck at home all day (perhaps even more so), that's no guarantee that she won't get hurt emotionally. The only thing that toughens people up to life is living it and dealing with it. You can't avoid it, and if you're a partner, you can't avoid dealing with a hurt boyfriend or girlfriend at times either; it's better to learn as soon as possible what to do in those situations than cross your fingers and hope to go a whole life without it happening.

Quote:
As it happens I once fell for a girl who was independent but who had (among others) issues with her father and when I offered my help (I was going to beat him up as I was very immature back then) she not only refused but got quite upset over this which only made matters worse for both of us.

That is why I don't like dating independent women, the worrying is too much for me to handle.


So... the ideal 'dependant' girl would have accepted your offer to beat up her dad? Happy ending all round?

I may have picked up your post completely wrong, but this doesn't sound like 'worrying'; it sounds more 'controlling'.



boosterjones
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19 Jan 2011, 3:18 pm

Lene wrote:
boosterjones wrote:
I won't even be able to as much as look at her as I'd only be reminded of her pain, and I won't want her to just bottle it all up inside her as that would be wrong.


Even if she's stuck at home all day (perhaps even more so), that's no guarantee that she won't get hurt emotionally. The only thing that toughens people up to life is living it and dealing with it. You can't avoid it, and if you're a partner, you can't avoid dealing with a hurt boyfriend or girlfriend at times either.

Quote:
As it happens I once fell for a girl who was independent but who had (among others) issues with her father and when I offered my help (I was going to beat him up as I was very immature back then) she not only refused but got quite upset over this which only made matters worse for both of us.

That is why I don't like dating independent women, the worrying is too much for me to handle.


So... the ideal 'dependant' girl would have accepted your offer to beat up her dad? Happy ending all round?

I may have picked up your post completely wrong, but this doesn't sound like 'worrying'; it sounds more 'controlling'.


It's not that I can't deal with people being upset, it's just that although I'm more than willing to be a shoulder to cry on, I also want to have the issues solved as well (it does not matter if it is myself or someone else that makes this happen just so long as it is solved) and sometimes when one is in a working situation .that isn't always possible.

Unless it is due to total lack of money, or her not working I can't see her being unhappy staying at home

And yes, back then my ideal woman would have accepted my offer by jumping up and down like a bimbo at a party however this was some years ago and I would not d something like that now, however if a similar thing happened now although I'd now be more sensible in the way I'd solve it/them she'd still jump up and down like a bimbo at a party.

She'd also go out of her way to make sure that I was never upset, hid anything that I found upsetting (about the world not her life) and that I was always (as best as humanly possible) happy when she was around me.

Oh, and most likely she'd not even dream of working as she'd have long ago put having fun (and me) at the very top of her list of priories in life

Goodbye till next Time



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19 Jan 2011, 4:00 pm

Hug me and I'm smitten :D. Nah but, honestly I have no idea...



Sallamandrina
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19 Jan 2011, 4:11 pm

I'm confused by this thread - seems to be a guide on how to date boosterjones, not "aspie guys" :?


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19 Jan 2011, 4:13 pm

boosterjones wrote:
Lene wrote:
Quote:
She would be welcome to just sit at home and put her feet up i won't mind (it's rather handy that many of the girls I know live of benefits due to their mild conditions) as if she was more independent then I'd only worry about her so much I'd get depressed and maybe try to kill myself (I very rarely react in that way but it has happened in the past, although I did live to tell the tale)


Why would you worry so much about her being independant?


It's not that I'd have issues with her being independent it's just that with this being a big bad old world I'd worry about/if something bad may happen to her.

If she had powers like Supergirl, has or the legal right to order the death or anyone who upsets her then that wouldn't be an issue, but as this is unlikely then I'd want her to be safe.

I know that we aren't living in the stone age, but you can still get hurt thanks to rude, co workers and the like can't you?

Goodbye till Next Time


You want a Bird In A Gilded Cage, as this used to be called. It is a form of virtual imprisonment where a woman is kept dependent on a man "for her own good". I suppose you may find girls here and there who go for that. The entire concept just freaks me out. I recoil at the very thought.



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19 Jan 2011, 4:15 pm

Eep, me too.

I love to be looked after and cared for, but there's a difference between that and controlling.



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19 Jan 2011, 4:17 pm

Janissy wrote:
You want a Bird In A Gilded Cage, as this used to be called. It is a form of virtual imprisonment where a woman is kept dependent on a man "for her own good". I suppose you may find girls here and there who go for that. The entire concept just freaks me out. I recoil at the very thought.


What freaks me out is his assumption that a woman would have no reasons to feel unhappy living like this and that all "aspie males" want what he wants - as I said, this thread confuses me.


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boosterjones
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19 Jan 2011, 5:25 pm

OK, I'll admit it it is more about ''how to date boosterjones'' rather than just Aspie guys as a whole.

Just in case you needed to I wasn't using this thread as a lonely hearts column, but rather to vent my views some of which are shared by a number of my friends...

Maybe I was being a little naive about this (hence the title) but I think that Janissy has got a point as after thinking about what was said I most likely would get on best with a 'bird in a gilded cage'

I will add though that she would always be well looked after and always happy.

After all if the girl isn't being abused then it's not really a bad life is it?

Goodbye till next time



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19 Jan 2011, 5:27 pm

I doubt anyone would be happy in that state.
It's like you'd be treating them as a child, not an equal partner.



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19 Jan 2011, 5:33 pm

boosterjones wrote:
I will add though that she would always be well looked after and always happy.

After all if the girl isn't being abused then it's not really a bad life is it?


It would be a nightmare for me. I tend to want more in life than not being abused.


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