Relationship "advice" obviously written by an NT

Post Reply New Topic

http://www.scn.org/autistics/abuse.html

"There is more risk involved in being alone than establishing an intimate relationship."

Riiiiight...

This person clearly doesn't understand ASD at all, wouldn't most of us agree?

i dunno - i stand by if you don't try you don't get the benefits.
if you don't try = being alone
if you try = being alone OR having a good time.

what's the worst that can happen.
i've never regretted trying - even if it ended horribly.

sure it's hard, but what in life worth having isn't?

It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all?

QFT.

I believe the context is important here:

"There is more risk involved in being alone than in establishing an intimate relationship. If you are concerned (or merely aware) about the risks of a relationship, that concern or awareness should in itself be sufficient to [at least help] protect you [from abusers who stalk people with disabilities]."

http://www.scn.org/autistics/abuse.html

Meh, both can be hard. Both can be good or bad. Either can provide pleasure and/or sorrow and be a growth experience if you use them correctly.

Maybe I'm totally off base but when I was younger I didn't care if I was alone and I preferred my own company so that statement wouldn't make any sense to me. But these days I realize that shared experiences with people have better long-term payoffs because I can think back on them and smile and learn from them. So that statement makes more sense to today's me then it would have to me 10 years ago.

At the very least you want someone there to administer the Heimlich maneuver if necessary.

I'm not sure what the 'risk' is supposed to be in being alone. If you are alone and happy being alone, then you can control your life the way you want it to go (as far as possible) without being dependent upon anyone, or devastated if anyone leaves you. That is as risk free as you can get. On the other hand the risks of attempting an intimate relationship are far higher - yes you may end up happier, but there is a good chance you won't, so overall it is more risky, even if you are desperately lonely (an unhappy state but not a 'risky' one). If you are not unhappy then it makes no sense to seek something that you don't need simply because it is considered 'normal' to want and look for a relationship.

When I was younger I did want a relationship (the person that would solve all my problems type of thing), but the one I had didn't work out and I realised during the course of that, that not only does the perfect person for me not exist (impossible due my conflicting needs at different times), but also that all close relationships require compromise and I am just not prepared to do that. There have been a couple of people for whom I would have compromised everything, but both reduced me to a shell of myself, without even getting anywhere near having an intimate relationship with them, so I have stopped even wanting that as it is effectively self-destruction. And being alone is great - I do have quite a lot of friends who I spend time with so I am not lonely, but none of them is close enough to interfere with my life or become too important to me that I couldn't stand to lose them.

Yes.

Apparently, if you're particularly skilled, you can use a chair for that.

No, he is right. He says there is more risk involved. He isn't saying that being alone is always worse for everyone. He is saying there is more risk, which means its harder to pull it off and still be happy. This isn't even relationship advice, because how does this help with relationships at all? Semantics, semantics.

You risk not experiencing the experiences that are possible when you intimately share lives with another.



Loneliness can be very deleterious to health, mental and physical.



That seems to me like saying there's no point ever trying to make things better than just okay. Personally, I'd take a few risks if it means leading a richer life.

I think for some of us, we see the primary goal of life as avoiding as much pain as possible, which is perhaps understandable. I've been there myself.



Your disillusionment at finding that the perfect person does not exist is not your cue to give up, it's a call to change your thinking about relationships to be more realistic.



How about if you could perhaps make things so that you could have relationships without wiping yourself out?



Fair enough.

I hope you don't take my dissection of your post negatively, as it is not meant to be needling or prickling. If you really don't want to pursue relationships, then that is of course your free choice to make.

...

Last edited by Apple_in_my_Eye on 01 Feb 2011, 6:47 pm, edited 1 time in total.

^ From experience, yes.

I spent since I was 14 being abused + yes, finding some special, it's totally worth it.
I wouldn't change all those years because it would have led to a different outcome and wouldn't have met the love of my life.

...

Last edited by Apple_in_my_Eye on 01 Feb 2011, 6:47 pm, edited 1 time in total.