I had the dream again, or another permutation of it. This time it involved an actress I met on a film shoot where I was cameraman. So beautiful, but with an attitude that suggested she could drink and fight as well as any tough guy. Small wonder the guys find her so attractive (she has over a 1000 bloody FB friends). I'm no exception. Damn do I have a crush on her.
Anyways, the dream was I'm at some strange house, and all of a sudden she's there too. She says something like "I want to be with you," or "I want you." And we start to kiss.
Believe it or not, in these dreams, there is no sex. They're not about that. The dream is all about desire and attraction. Someone is genuinely attracted to me, really wants me. We go no further than to kiss. We mainly just lie together. Then we're sitting on a couch, and she's brought her friends.
Then it takes a bit of a detour. You see, another girl whom I was attracted to, having met through OKCupid, is at this very moment on her deathbed. She's a two time cancer survivor, but the complications from the treatment kept mounting, and she's near the end. In the dream, the house I'm in becomes a kind of waiting room, and we're all waiting together in vigil. And then, she walks out behind a curtain and seems quite fine, and we're all happy. Then, someone ushers her away behind a curtain and there is a feeling of despair. But the dream ends with my having a revelation that there is no fate (trippy), and suddenly I believe she will be fine, even though she won't. And I start to bawl my eyes out. I almost never cry in real life, but in my dreams I cry quite a bit. So very odd.
It was a dream about two girls with whom I will never have a chance. One is not long for this world, yet God how I wish she could live and be well, because I think we would've been good for each other. The other surely wouldn't take me, because she is such an outgoing, vivacious person, and could have anyone she wants. So why would she take me? I'm getting to wish I wouldn't dream at all. Because the ones I have are too painful.
03 Feb 2011, 1:52 pm
