Where do I go next?

Post Reply New Topic

I've been on OKCupid since 2009. I've deleted my account twice, and currently I'm on my third. I've messaged scores of girls, and of them, three responded and eventually agreed to meet with me. One girl was obviously mentally ill (the whole evening, she wouldn't say a word to me unless I actually asked her a question, and even then, her reply was a handful of words. And her hands trembled and she stared at me with a weird look. It was f****d up. The other two were great, but wouldn't have anything to do with me after the first date. That's all they needed to figure out they could do better, or didn't want what I had to offer.

Now I'm on my current account, and I've messaged 19 women in just two days. The problem is, I've run out! I've refined my search parameters, by age, geography, and I'm seeing the same faces again, of people I've already tried.

I don't know what to do. I'm afraid I've really run through all the available women in my area. Because it seems to me that single girls who don't need dating sites can DEFINITELY do better than me, and KNOW it. So if I've failed miserably with the people who've turned to online dating, what else is there? Jesus Christ I'm almost 27 and I'm doomed already.

Join a different dating site. Thats what I do when I run out of men. Also what work do you do? Its impossible not to meet people when you have a lot of interests and a job.

Heres some ideas:

Do volunteer work
Go to work functions
Join clubs and social groups
try speed dating
take up kick boxing or a sport

Too bad. I'd do anything to meet that girl if she's decent looking.

Where does she live exactly? I'm preparing the helicopter.

That's just it. I'm a freelancer filmmaker, and my work is largely out of my home office. Occasionally I'm called by a client to go to their offices to work. One of them has such a wonderful girl working there, but she's rebuffed my invitation to movies or hanging out a number of times. She sees me for what i am, and knows she can do better.

As for sports, I'm terrible at everything and I'm afraid of humiliating myself. Well, there is one sport I'm good at, which is running. I'm excellent at it, but that's the problem. No girl can keep up with me when I'm doing 8 or 10 miles at under 7:00 per mile pace. Well, there are one or two girls I've met who could but they're already dating or engaged to other guys who are faster than me. Always, always, always, girls go for the guy who's better than me.

I've contemplated speed dating, but the prospect terrifies me. I just know I'm going to go through it all, and wind up without a single girl being interested in me, and my loser status will be confirmed yet again.

Maybe its time to not be freelance then, try and get a job in a company. Join some more running clubs.

When a person believes they're a loser, or that they're not worthy of that other person, it shows through in the way they speak, their body language, etc. I think you need to work on your self esteem and confidence as opposed to continually contacting every single available girl in the area. Also, maybe be more picky - you DO deserve someone good, and if it seems to a girl like you've contacted everybody under the sun then that's a massive turnoff. Being a 'loser' is almost fully subjective, not objective, it's something you can change without necessarily drastically changing your circumstances. You say you run your own business as a film maker, are you self sufficient? If so then you're not an objective loser. An objective loser is someone who does nothing when they are able to do more & is supported by the government, and who is not disabled enough to justify that support.

Slow down (both literally and metaphorically). When doing a sport with a woman, you're doing it to get to know her, not because it's a competition. If you see dating as a competition (as too many people do), you will never get anywhere.

I deleted my OK Cupid account. Again. Jesus Christ I'm gonna die alone, I know it.

You're only 26!
Don't give up yet.
Love isn't a race.

But it is. It absolutely is. The longer I go without ever having a relationship, the tougher it'll be to start one, because when the girl learns I've never had a relationship, she'll figure I'm damaged goods and she'll ditch me.

I don't demand to find The One. I don't even demand a lengthy relationship. I'd do anything for a failed relationship that lasted three months or less, because at least it would mean I'm capable of starting one.

I've got so much to give, yet no one wants what I have to offer. I get friend zoned. Always a friend, never a lover. I HATE IT!! !! !! !! !! !! !! !

What is the reason you're always 'friend zoned'?

You cannot be damaged goods unless you get handled.

Look, I'm the very last man to say that dating is easy and I'm older than you. I can't say that you can hope your way in to a relationship; it doesn't work that way. Beyond dating itself, you sound like you have little moral support. That seems to be more of a problem; no one has your back. That might be a place to start. Find a way to get moral support. I know, easier said than done.