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Last edited by NcNbl on 11 Feb 2011, 8:36 am, edited 1 time in total.

you've heard the phrase "if you love 'em, then be willing to let them go" - just the same, is it not a bit catastrophic to ashcan a relationship after a limited time? is it better to preemptively dump someone than wait to be dumped?

First I would ask what can be changed to be less hurtful?

If there's nothing, then I would consider it, but it's very hard.

Good luck.

hi.. thanks for your responses..

honestly i never believed in that phrase, i only find it applicable in parent-child relationship which goes "if you you love them set them free, but watch very closely". it doesn't have to be a limited time or wait to be dumped, there always are ways to make things work out, pushing people away is not the answer, it does not guarantee any answers too only loss.

thanks moog.. the concern of that he'll be not be good enough is there from the start, and the hurt that transpired is actually a past event. we were good after but then he had known about it. that's what i'm trying to talk him out off; and that there always are ways to make it better.

he actually doesnt ask about any of this, and when i ask for something that might help me not to get hurt or extremely sad i never got answers.

Yes I think I would, if I was really convinced that I was only going to hurt them. Can't say for sure, because it's never happened...I've been in relationships where I've got to the point where I'm probably doing more harm than good, but haven't quit, but I've never been convinced that I was going to continue like that forever. And AFAIK I've never hurt a partner who didn't hurt me first.

I've let go of partners who I still loved at the time, and one in particular I loved very deeply, so it was very painful to separate.......part of the reason was that I knew I wasn't doing any good any more, but mostly it was to protect myself from the pain she was inflicting on me.

I left one wife because I was getting very attracted to other women, and couldn't bear the idea of being a cheat.....I figured that my feelings for my wife couldn't be right, and I had no interest in trying to rekindle anything, the desire to roam was too strong. But I can't say that I really loved her by that time....if I had, I don't think I'd have noticed other women so much.

Tough one. No, I wouldn't. It would be the right thing to do but I'm too selfish to let someone that I loved go, even if I knew I would continue to hurt them, for as long as they wanted to stay with me. If they left me and didn't want to be with me, I would have no other choice than to let go. I have too much pride to stalk someone.

I could never let someone go I loved.
And anyway, it's their choice, they're free to leave if they can't stand me any longer.

wow hi and thank you ladies.. i do understand and appreciate hearing your inputs and where they're all coming from. it gives me hope; its maybe right or wrong, hope is still hope..

thank you too toughdiamond, i understand your point. its your moral applying to your personal situation which led you to your decision, it is very decent of you.

those all mean you followed what your heart or whatever was working there for you. my point about everything is just to not give up, especially when it is love more importantly if its what you want. every single human being finds it hard to find someone who could love them and it is as hard to find someone to love. ugh, i just really pray i wouldn't be cut off..

How does the other person perceive "hurt"? What you see as hurting them, they may see as a small stuff or a minor irritation; certainly nothing major enough to warrant a break-up. If fact, breaking-up may cause more pain than the worsted pain that could be caused within the relationship.

Best thing is to be open and honest with your partner (I know, easier said than done). That's where the growth happens.

hi.. i'm sorry to sound stupid with my answer but i dont exactly know. I never actually know. but i think it's just almost the same except we go different directions in reacting to it.


Uhm, that's what I was doing when it happened; that's why I also wrote this thread. "Could to much honesty hurt an aspie too?" which my main concern was
how could I say a less desirable honest information without being received as with undesirable intention, or without eliciting a negative reaction.

Staying in a relationship when you are only hurting the person sounds like codependency to me