NT/Aspie Relationships

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I have been reading "Loving Mr Spock" and unfortunately see lots of aspects of the relationship in the book with mine. I love my aspie more than anything but I am finding all the difficulties really hard to cope with.

Can NT/Aspie relationships work? If anyone is in a long term relationship that works please could you share some of your tips....

Would love to hear from you guys - both NTs and Aspies...

Could you tell us more about what particular difficulties you are having? That might help people give better advice.

I'm an aspie person in a relationship with someone I'm not convinced is entirely normal, but he's certainly not aspie so I guess he'll count. One thing I'd suggest is to tell them what you find difficult. Very recently my boyfriend let slip that it bothers him that I'm not very good at being open with my emotions. I hadn't actually realised that I wasn't. Now that he's told me I'm making more of an effort to tell him stuff. I don't know if this is at all relevant but it's the most recent aspie related issue that's come up.

Married to an NT for 4 years.

Married to an NT for 5 years, been together 7 years. Only known I had AS for 1 year.

im NT and feel that I have to make all the decisions in the relationship and feel that I have to control what we are doing...

however, my aspie then gets really annoyed at me for being a control freek. However, I dont want control and tell him what to do - however, if I do not say what I want I can never get it....

what should I do? (ps I try to write everything down for him).

My Boyf is an NT.
& it works because he doesn't mind making a lot of the decisions.
opposites attract in my experience.

do you ever get annoyed with him for making the decisions? as my aspie gets annoyed sometimes and calls me a control freek....and I am not apart from when I am with him as when im with him I feel I have to make the decisions to make things less stressful...
What do you think?

I get annoyed when he won't make the decisions.
I'm literally like 'just tell me what i should do?!' and he thinks I should make them for myself more often.

I think maybe you should instead of making the decisions outright - give what you think the decision should be and then ask what he thinks as well, so you're equal about it.

Maybe try making suggestions rather than decisions... then if the decision is too much he can easily agree. If he's anything like me you might have to point out that it's just a suggestion and you don't actually mind though.

My boyfriend gets annoyed at me for being too passive sometimes. He insists that I plan things every now and then.

Oddly enough my wife refuses to make any decisions and always defers to me for such. She does excel at follow-through

My boyfriend is NT and I have AS. I find our relationship works very well, but only because we both have a lot of sympathy for each others difficulties. We both try very hard to have lots of empathy for each other! There isn't much more to it than that. I think that if you have AS its important to do something to support/look after your partner, so that you feel like an equal to them because it isn't just him looking after you all the time.

Gez,
My AS husband & I have been together for 14 yrs, married 7+ of those. We have a 5yr old AS son.

YES, I also have to make lists for him. OFTEN.

Since his diagnosis, he has admitted that he feels badly that he NEEDS me to take on a "nurturing, motherly role" besides being his best friend/wife. As a matter of fact, on our way home from one of our son's docs today, he thanked me for a specific reminder for fitness yesterday. He said "I needed it. I took a long walk before work today and it cleared my head."

We find in our relationship it's best if both of us knows precisely what the other needs help with. My husband has used the "controlling" word in the past. However, with therapy he is realizing more & more that his decision capabilities in regards to the things I am "controlling" are far off the mark (this includes his dealings with his family). He has since apologized for using that word, as he now "gets" why it bothers me.

I'll gladly answer any specific questions you ask.

I'm aspie and been with my NT boyfriend for 3 years.

I can understand why it's hard, my boyfriend deals with a lot and it makes me feel very guilty at times that I can't be more 'normal' when it comes to things like being affectionate, intimate, and being in public or social situations. He tolerates a lot and does a hell of a lot to support me, but he doesn't make an issue of this, he doesn't blame me for who I am or use it against me...there are things he doesn't understand so it's probably hard for him to cope with too. He tells me it's the fact I'm this way that makes him love me, and I believe that.

I don't think we aspies can give any tips, hell depending on what it is you find hard to cope with it's hard to give tips too, it's just a matter of loving your partner and doing your best to try to understand them...or accept that at times you're not going to understand them, it's just how they are and there's nothing wrong with that. I don't think I could date an aspie, so god knows what it's like being an NT with an aspie partner.