Have you experienced things like?

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Next week i might be meeting up with a girl i met online who like me has aspergers. i also had a very very brief relationship in january. as a man i have had to be coached to make the initiative and be in the driving seat growing up and its still hard but thats besides the point.

Okay i am sorry i don't mean to piss off people on wrong planet by posting this subject and i have been reluctant to do post this thread for a few weeks but i have decided to do.

At college i found that 1 or 2 males with aspergers tried to talk to girls only too end up in a dead end. in college i knew a girl who was 16 at the time with aspergers who was in a very intimate relationship with my best friend. at college some guys i knew in my social circle with AS were single and treated like an outcast by others whereas the girl with AS was alot more accepted by groups. the males with AS were loners. One extroverted social aspie who was quite popular but single tried too chat up the girl with aspergers only to be knocked back probably because of his nerdish social skills. the girl with aspergers i have known her since childhood but she is branded by others as a 'weirdo' and very strange but she still has friends.

The girl with AS in my college is still in a deep relationship with my best friend (who i acutally think could have AS or ADHD himself but I think its unlikely he has AS) and they might get hitched in years to come. there is another girl in my social circle who also has aspergers and she has not got many friends and like the ohter girl with aspergers is strange and is VERY much disliked by my social group but she is getting married to my other best friend next year and they plan on having children.

have experienced things like this when it comes to males and females with aspergers? i am guessing more women with aspergers are getting married young and having children.

What i am saying is what i have seen so far is that men with aspergers tend to be more socialy rejected have less friends and connections compared to females with AS who have more oppurtunities. like i said though aspie traits in men are probably seen as unnaceptable by some. i am forutante enough though to have a big circle of loyal friends i have known for 10 years i don't know how i kept them though

like i said i am sorry i don't mean to annoy people with thread and yes i understand that both aspie men and aspie women both have there own hardships to deal with in the world. also maybe its becuase i only knew 1 girl in college who was on the spectrum compared to the amount of guys i knew with AS at college?

Do you agree with what i have typed above or not?

This is just from my experience in life, but I have to disagree with your statement of girls getting more opportunities. All through school, I was a social outcast, even when I wasn't branded with A.D.. I don't know anyone in real life who has Asperger's Disorder. I had next to no opportunities to be social, and it ended with me dropping out of high school because I couldn't handle the emotional pain from all that. I wouldn't lump it into 'all girls'. It highly depends on their circumstance and their situation in life.

Well to be honest with you in SOME ways i think women with aspergers have an easier time then men becuase they can HIDE there symptoms better than men and have better social skills. I don't mean to be sexist or stereotype either but i think aspie behaviour in women such as being silly and throwing tantrums is more acceptable than men. the girl with aspergers i knew from college with AS has a reputation for being a bit of a pyscho and would have have mood swings infront of her boyfriend and even though he would shout back he just accepted her behaviour. if you were a man and behaved that way i think it would be more of a deal breaker. If anything guys might think its cute when a girl gets all annoyed and behaves over the top or silly whereas if your a guy people will think your a loser or a weirdo if you behave in that manner.

a guy with AS is more likely than an NT guy to behave silly and throw tantrums. if you look at NT men only in certan circumstances would they behave publicly in a silly or embarresing way whereas an AS man would be more likely to publicly show himself up by getting angry by small things. women can get away with being senstivie and blowing up over small wheres males just take it on the chin and have to act more mature which goes back to the old saying of "Be a man and take it on the chin" because that is what society expects men to behave like.

maybe aspie men just lack a typical male brain or way of thinking? Behaviour in aspie women would not be easy to distinguish from NT female behaviour whereas as its clearly obvious that men with AS just do not behave the say way as NT men do.l

Jamesy, it is dangerous to extrapolate about all female aspies based on your experience with one female aspie. the sample size is too small to be indicative of anything at all.

also, if you know that a topic is going to upset people, i'm not sure of the purpose of posting it. so many women chose to share their personal dirty laundry over and over again on Wrong Planet to try to prove that their lives suck just as much any aspie man... yet they are never believed anyways. once again, a thread like this crops up. i am beginning to think that a certain subset of asie men simply cannot accept that aspie women have it hard just like them, and nothing women on here can say will change their minds.

even on this site, there are some women who are successful in dating, but there are many other aspie women who have never had a date, or who struggled at making friends. just because they are not as loud or not as vocal or as numerous as aspie men on the site (because there are fewer aspie women in existence, so of course there are fewer of them on here) doesn't mean it is easier for them.

p.s. hyperlexian waves at fellow edmontonian Merit!

then... don't do it. you are being sexist and stereotyping based on your extremely limited experience.

p.s., i would sure as heck like to meet someone who found my meltdowns cute. i don't get into a rage, but i get emotional, hide away from people, run away from the situation, etc.

i've never met someone in my entire life who found it cute.

Well i did not mean 'meltdowns' or very bad rages but things like frowning and looking angry guys might that find quite cute in a girl or just find it funny whereas if your a guy girls will think your a pyshco or a lunatic.

By the way i know not 1 but 2 girls with aspergers and one of them is getting is married and she is only like 19 and she has hardly any friends as well.

Guys who have AS are like women trapped in mens bodies.

....Um, I'm not sure to say about the women trapped in men's bodies thing, but again, I gotta disagree. Some women can hide their A.D. really well, some cannot. I'm one of the ones who can't and nobody around me finds it 'cute' when I look angry or melt down or start laughing for no reason. You're sort of making points that varies from person to person so it makes it difficult to argue at all.

and P.S., Hello hyperlexian.

i've seen a lot of very masculine men with AS, even on this site.

2 female aspies and a handful of male aspies is hardly any at all... again, your sample sizes are too small, whether you are talking about men or women. after you have interacted with hundreds or thousands of aspies of either gender, i would put some stock in your opinions.

(frowning and looking angry is also not cute at all, to anyone i've ever met. maybe you think it's cute? well, you are alone in that feeling, as far as i can tell).

you also mention that the AS girl has hardly any friends. do you understand that it is a major disadvantage to her? sure, she is getting marriedm but i doubt she is happy with having that kind of social impairment. from teh sounds of it, you have lots of friends, on the other hand.

the female aspie sleeps around quite a lot though even when she was dating her future husband and even reported this inocent guy to the police for raping her on purpouse.. and by the way she has got friends becuase eventually she will be part of my social circle even though most of the guys in my friendship group hate her guts.

this is confusing. you are saying that she has friends, but that everyone hates her? how is that a good thing?

whether or not she has done some bad things is irrelevant to whether women have an easier time.

you seem to really want to make a point, but you seem to have no actual evidence and insufficient experience to actually support the point.

What's the point of these "do female or male aspies have it easier due to generic gender roles" discussions? Even if there was some imbalance, there is nothing you can do about that. If there is some imbalance, it is so small that is not worth of the pain of changing sex if you don't feel transsexual already. My answer to a question that was not asked: People who wallow in things they can not change are worse off than those who don't do that, and they will keep getting worse if they don't stop wallowing in those things.

Last edited by Suomalainen on 27 Apr 2011, 1:32 pm, edited 2 times in total.

Well even if my friends hate her they will have to hang out with her and pretend to like her becuause she will be married to one of the members of the group.

Some of my friends refuse to invite her to some social gatherings though.........

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