Asexual Aspies

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Joined: 5 Nov 2004
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06 Nov 2004, 7:39 pm

Hello, I have not posted on this board for a very long time, in fact I don't remember the last time I did post here.

Anyway, I am hoping I am not the only Asexual Aspie here. Asexuals are people with no sex drive or sexual interest. Some people have a very low sex drive and do not want sex either and call themselves Asexuals. Either way, someone who does NOT have an interest in sexual contact.

Anyway, before I share much more about myself, I would like to know if I am the only Aspie here who is Asexual?

animallover
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07 Nov 2004, 12:28 am

No - I have been through everything in terms of trying to figure myself out in terms of sexuality - I thought I was a lesbian then transgender and then I realized that I'm really not anything . . .
I tend to look more male (I'm biologically female) but that is because I put much more value on male traits (strength, etc . . .) and I'm lazy and I like the way male clothes feel . . . but I have a person I like to be around who is transgendered and I know that isn't me . . .

But I look at other people (male and female) who act like they are not complete if they are not in a relationship and it just makes no sence to me - I know someone who got married to a guy who is abusive becasue she thought she was just getting too old to date - I mean, WHAT?!

Sometimes I think it would be cool to have a partner just to have someone to watch the weather channel with - but that would mean they would be in my territory all the time and I couldn't handle that - and they might be interested in those child things and might move my stuff when I wasn't home and that wouldn't work at all :lol:

But, trust me - you are not the only asexual aspie out there . . . you might look for Jen Birch's book 'Congradulations! It's Asperger's Syndrome' - she addresses this issue in depth - she is also very nice and e-mails me . . .

chamoisee
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07 Nov 2004, 1:38 am

Aesexual as in, no sex drive whatsoever, or as in, no sex drive to speak of with other people?

There have been times when I felt the latter, but still had a fairly strong drive by myself...just did not want to deal with another person, or to have them touching me. I guess, to be more blunt: can/do aesexual people help themselves, so to speak? Or, is it no sexual expereince of any kind, at all, ever?

Animal_Headbuts
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07 Nov 2004, 3:27 pm

animallover wrote:

But, trust me - you are not the only asexual aspie out there . . . you might look for Jen Birch's book 'Congradulations! It's Asperger's Syndrome' - she addresses this issue in depth - she is also very nice and e-mails me . . .

Hello Animal Lover,
I went through a lot of changes to find who and what I was sexually too. I've had transgender friends in the past too. Now I am conservative person who was born female. I know inside I am really male but the physical parts don't fit. So I dress the female part to get along in society. For some people this is not important but for me it is important. I don't like the controversy in my life so I just match what is expected to a certain degree. I don't mean I wear dresses because I don't and I won't.

I did learn that although I am often more easily attracted to women, the most important thing for me is feeling comfortable or at home with another person. So it doesn't matter so much if the person is male or female. I just want to be comfortable and respected.

I'm not lazy. In fact I like my home to be very tidy. I hate messes.

Not everyone would get into your belongings when you are not home. I stay at a home for 3 days a week caring for 2 very mentally ill women. On the other 4 days someone else stays here. Both of us caregivers must share the same bedroom. I don't rummage through the other caregivers belongings during my 3 day shift which is when she is gone. I figure those things belong to her and whatever she has is her private business.

I know the other caregiver will sometimes get into peoples things so I have a lock box so she can't use my personal things.

Although, I truly want a life partner (male or female) that is also Asexual, I have no need to be in someone's space all of the time. I cannot imagine any Aspie wanting to be in anyone's space all the time. As far as I know most of us need time to ourselves.

Thanks so much for responding to my post.

Animal_Headbuts
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07 Nov 2004, 3:35 pm

chamoisee wrote:

Hello Chamoisee,
those are good questions. I think Asexuals for the most part fit most of what you described in reality so the rigid description doesn't work in real life.

I would say you are celibate because you have a strong drive but do not want sexual contact with others. You would also get along wonderfully with an Asexual because you don't want to share your sexuality with othres.

I think some Asexuals masterbate but there are some Asexuals who have an absolutely "zero" sex drive. Then there are those who have a low sex drive.

Either way, none of these people want to engage in sexual contact with others.

Personally, I have no desire and will not engage in what I call "bumping uglies" which is bumping gentials.

I don't even like to swap spit which is known as kissing.

I do like to hold hands some of the time and hug some times and cuddle some of the time. I also need quite a bit of time to myself. I need to sleep alone. I cannot sleep with someone in my bed.

I like to do activities with others. I like to eat meals with someone and to make plans for the house or yard with someone and to share the production that comes from the ideas.

I don't like anyone getting into my stuff especially if I haven't said it's okay to do. I would call this mutual respect.

Thanks so much for sharing.

animallover
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08 Nov 2004, 12:40 am

I don't think being celibate means having no sex drive at all - it just means having no sex drive with other people - that is as much detail as you are getting . . .

Animal_Headbuts - you REALLY need to read Jen's book - she describes something almost exactly like what you are saying . . .
I also feel like I should have been male, but at the same time I am not committed to it like the transgendered person I know is . . . I mean, she just had her final surgery and had over 3,000 stiches in a very private area - I would NEVER put myself through something like that . . . though female to male surgery isn't quite that bad . . .

msitua
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24 Jul 2005, 10:33 am

I have difficulties with my sexuality.

I am 26 y male.

I do not want to have sex with another person.

I dream about both men and women when I sleep.

I do not know if I am bisexual, because the only experience
I have is an attempt to sex with a woman.

Can I be asexual even if wish to find love, a soulmate to spend my life with?

Can I be asexual even if I want to cuddle with a man/woman?

Last edited by msitua on 25 Jul 2005, 11:14 am, edited 1 time in total.

Serissa
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24 Jul 2005, 9:01 pm

I'm halfway between asexual and normal, I guess. I don't really have a sex drive, but neither am I opposed to the idea of having sex- it's kind of something I could take or leave. I am both sexed and gendered female- though I feel kind of like a woman trapped in a woman's body (that's the best way I've been able to figure how to explain it). I'm also definitely heterosexual. ((I check out other women but it's a jealousy thing- as in, she's hot, why can't I be?))

That was probably TMI and I'm not sure if it was informative at all.

hale_bopp
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25 Jul 2005, 7:32 am

I am either Bi-sexual or a-sexual. My sex drive has been low for a while, but It never used to be... and it comes back ocasionally. I think i'm bi-sexual.

ghotistix
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25 Jul 2005, 9:11 am

Serissa wrote:

Well, it was useful for me, in any case. I'm the exact same way, and from the people I've known, I was starting to think that that attitude on sex was some freakish anomaly. :roll:

aaronkt
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25 Jul 2005, 9:42 am

Serissa wrote:

I feel that way myself. Actually, my sex drive has seem to be growing in the past year. I used to masturbate every day. I would have a sexual thought, but I didn't know what I was trying to do was masturbation. I blame my sex illiteracy for that. However, I perfer hugs and kisses over vaginal and anal sex.

Civet
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25 Jul 2005, 10:51 am

Quote:

Serissa wrote:
I'm halfway between asexual and normal, I guess. I don't really have a sex drive, but neither am I opposed to the idea of having sex- it's kind of something I could take or leave. I am both sexed and gendered female- though I feel kind of like a woman trapped in a woman's body (that's the best way I've been able to figure how to explain it). I'm also definitely heterosexual. ((I check out other women but it's a jealousy thing- as in, she's hot, why can't I be?))

That was probably TMI and I'm not sure if it was informative at all.

Well, it was useful for me, in any case. I'm the exact same way, and from the people I've known, I was starting to think that that attitude on sex was some freakish anomaly.

What is TMI?

Anyway, I feel similiarly, excepting the "Woman trapped in a woman's body" part, I'm not really sure what you mean by that.

I find both males and females attractive, but I have a difficult time differentiating "friend" "crush" and "sexual interest" to the point where I have made myself believe I was attracted to friends. I can't really tell much of a difference between thinking "He's visually appealing" and "He's sexually attractive." Generally I have no desire to have sex with anyone. As Serissa and Ghotistix said, I could take it our leave it. I'm sexually confused, I suppose.[/quote]

SINsister
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25 Jul 2005, 10:52 am

I'm a gay boy trapped in a woman's body... :twisted: :wink:

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SINsister
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25 Jul 2005, 10:55 am

Civet wrote:

...but I have a difficult time differentiating "friend" "crush" and "sexual interest" to the point where I have made myself believe I was attracted to friends. I can't really tell much of a difference between thinking "He's visually appealing" and "He's sexually attractive."

Erm...well, is there *really* a difference? I've developed crushes on male friends/acquaintances several times over the years because I realized (kind of like being smacked with a 2x4) that my interest wasn't solely platonic. I dunno...it just kind of "happened"...

Serissa
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25 Jul 2005, 11:54 am

Civet wrote:

Quote:

Well, it was useful for me, in any case. I'm the exact same way, and from the people I've known, I was starting to think that that attitude on sex was some freakish anomaly.

TMI= Too Much Information

What i basically mean by being a woman trapped in a woman's body is that I don't want to be a guy, but I don't really relish the body I'm in, either. I wish I could be noncorporeal sometimes (not dead, mind you, just not have to deal with this body). So, I'm kind of trapped in this stupid female body but would rather be trapped in a stupid female body than a stupid male body. Lesser of two evils for me personally.

Last edited by Serissa on 25 Jul 2005, 5:36 pm, edited 3 times in total.

Civet
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25 Jul 2005, 1:58 pm

Quote:

That's what I mean, it doesn't "just kind of happen" for me. I just can't figure it out.

Quote:

What i basically mean by being a woman trapped in a woman's body is that I don't want to be a guy, but I don't really relish the body I'm in, either. I wish I could be noncorporeal sometimes (not dead, mind you, just not have to deal with this body).

Ah, ok, I see what you mean now.

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