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Breakthrough: OKCupid update

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Jono
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15 Feb 2011, 7:13 pm

Hey guys, I've got good news. The third person I've been chatting to on OKCupid has asked me to exchange email addresses with her. I've sent her a reply saying that I'd love to do that and gave her my email address. Well, I do believe that this might turn into a date, finally. You can't even begin to imagine how happy I am over this. :)

Though ironically, I wasn't expecting this because on 2 occasions she didn't reply to my messages, only to reply a couple of weeks later, saying that she was busy. This time she hadn't replied to my message for over a week, so today I had sent messages to 6 other people only to find this message from her much later. If any of those other people people reply to me, then I guess I'll continue to send messages to them up until I know whether or not my first meeting with this girl has gone well. If it has, then I'll just inform them that I've met someone on OKCupid but other than that, I guess it's no big deal. It may be too early to call this a breakthrough as I did in the title but we'll see.



Dilbert
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15 Feb 2011, 7:24 pm

Congrats!

Just a bit of advice. Don't expect an immediate relationship and don't get attached too early. Go out and have fun. That's all you should expect at this point. Be confident and don't appear desperate.

She was "busy" dating other people on okcupid, and she's probably assuming you've been doing the same.



Jono
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15 Feb 2011, 7:30 pm

Dilbert wrote:
Congrats!

Just a bit of advice. Don't expect an immediate relationship and don't get attached too early. Go out and have fun. That's all you should expect at this point. Be confident and don't appear desperate.


Thanks, I'll keep that in mind.

Dilbert wrote:
She was "busy" dating other people on okcupid, and she's probably assuming you've been doing the same.


Actually, she said that she was busy with her new job and sometimes she didn't even log on to the site until the weekend.



andriarose
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16 Feb 2011, 8:50 am

As a female who uses OkCupid, I have to say the excuse of "busy" probably doesn't mean "was dating other people" as Dilbert put it.

Myself, I tend to log on every day or two and go through any new messages. I delete the ones not worth replying to and save the rest to reply to later. My reasoning is that on an average day I have better things to do than sit and write replies to those messages. Writing something worthwhile to someone I actually see as a potential partner requires a great deal of time and effort, which is something I don't always have the patience for and that is best left for when I have plenty of time and minimal stress. Sometimes that can be the next day, other times it can be a month later. Sure, I could fire off a generic reply in a matter of seconds, but that'd be defeating the purpose.



Jono
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16 Feb 2011, 2:39 pm

andriarose wrote:
As a female who uses OkCupid, I have to say the excuse of "busy" probably doesn't mean "was dating other people" as Dilbert put it.

Myself, I tend to log on every day or two and go through any new messages. I delete the ones not worth replying to and save the rest to reply to later. My reasoning is that on an average day I have better things to do than sit and write replies to those messages. Writing something worthwhile to someone I actually see as a potential partner requires a great deal of time and effort, which is something I don't always have the patience for and that is best left for when I have plenty of time and minimal stress. Sometimes that can be the next day, other times it can be a month later. Sure, I could fire off a generic reply in a matter of seconds, but that'd be defeating the purpose.


Well, she did say that she was very busy with her new career which only started at the beginning of this year. So, that explanation fits. However, if I end up in a date with her then I'm certainly not complaining.

It's interesting that women handle messages like that because as a guy, I usually try to reply to every message I get and my replies aren't generic. Then again, I probably don't get as many messages as women do because most of the time, I sent them a message first.



Jono
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16 Feb 2011, 3:37 pm

By the way, she hasn't gotten back to me yet. I guess I'll wait till the weekend to see what she says.



Jono
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18 Feb 2011, 4:14 am

She emailed me a few hours ago to let me know her email address.

I've got a question for you guys. Since I now know that we both have gmail accounts, do think it might be a good idea to suggest using Google Video chat or do think a physical meeting would be better?



zen_mistress
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18 Feb 2011, 4:16 am

Awesome, hope it goes well!


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18 Feb 2011, 4:20 am

Good work, I wish you all the best :)



Jono
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18 Feb 2011, 4:24 am

Thanks. Although maybe I'm getting a bit ahead of myself because nothings been planned yet. I just wanted to ask that question about the video chat thing because a physical meeting would require some more planning from my side since I don't drive.



r_a_n_d_o_m
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18 Feb 2011, 5:28 am

try not to rush it, a video chat right away might be kinda quick. just email for awhile and then id suggest a physical meeting



Jono
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18 Feb 2011, 8:05 am

r_a_n_d_o_m wrote:
try not to rush it, a video chat right away might be kinda quick. just email for awhile and then id suggest a physical meeting


Yes, I know that we send email each other for a while first. I was asking for future reference.

I was wondering though, does anyone know what to write about in a first email? I thought it should be longer with more thought put into it than a message on OKCupid. Also, how do you know when the time is right to suggest meeting?



r_a_n_d_o_m
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18 Feb 2011, 8:11 am

Jono wrote:
r_a_n_d_o_m wrote:
try not to rush it, a video chat right away might be kinda quick. just email for awhile and then id suggest a physical meeting


Yes, I know that we send email each other for a while first. I was asking for future reference.

I was wondering though, does anyone know what to write about in a first email? I thought it should be longer with more thought put into it than a message on OKCupid. Also, how do you know when the time is right to suggest meeting?


yea what i was saying was dont do a video chat at all. if you have gone off ok cupid to your regular email the first email to her should be about 70% talking about you 30% asking questions about her relating to stuff you like



Jono
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18 Feb 2011, 1:29 pm

r_a_n_d_o_m wrote:
Jono wrote:
r_a_n_d_o_m wrote:
try not to rush it, a video chat right away might be kinda quick. just email for awhile and then id suggest a physical meeting


Yes, I know that we send email each other for a while first. I was asking for future reference.

I was wondering though, does anyone know what to write about in a first email? I thought it should be longer with more thought put into it than a message on OKCupid. Also, how do you know when the time is right to suggest meeting?


yea what i was saying was dont do a video chat at all. if you have gone off ok cupid to your regular email the first email to her should be about 70% talking about you 30% asking questions about her relating to stuff you like


Makes sense. Does anyone else have suggestions?



jamieboy
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18 Feb 2011, 2:06 pm

I don't suppose i could see your profile could i jono, so i could see where i'm potentially going wrong?



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18 Feb 2011, 2:06 pm

Calm down jono.... calm down.
Don't get too excited.