I think my Aspie guy friend loves me!

Page 1 of 1 [ 16 posts ] 

anikatheoddone
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

User avatar

Joined: 12 Jan 2011
Age: 23
Gender: Female
Posts: 34

03 Mar 2011, 9:43 pm

i have this guy-friend at my school who has Asperger's too...i think. either that or something a little bit stronger (only a LITTLE) he doesnt hug anyone, but whenever he sees me he goes right up and hugs me, which is odd cuz hes EXTREMELY TERRIFIED of hugs. he also acts really nervous around me and all my friends agree he acts like he likes me.
hes more autistic than me, and i always feel i need to watch out for him, and i dont want to break his heart, but im actually a lesbian. one of my friends told him im gay, only he thought she meant gay as in happy and she decided to just leave it at that, just in case he tells his mom (he tells his mom EVERYTHING) i decided i shouldnt tell him, i really dont want to hurt his feelings. its not like he ever asked me out or anything. idk what i should do if he DOES tho, i mean he'd probably never get a girlfriend until hes an adult and learns to control his autism a little better.....i really dont want to break his heart tho and going out with him even tho i like girls and it would only be out of pity. i think it would be best to b just his friend, but how exactly should i explain to him im gay? more importantly SHOULD I????



hale_bopp
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Nov 2004
Gender: Female
Posts: 17,054
Location: None

03 Mar 2011, 9:58 pm

I wonder if hes just egging you along.. i mean how many people no matter what they have use the word "gay" as in happy anymore?

Maybe hes in denial and trying to convince himself it meant happy?



jmnixon95
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 26 Dec 2009
Gender: Female
Posts: 20,931
Location: 미국

03 Mar 2011, 10:47 pm

You're thirteen years old; making such decisions about your life is an act of futility.



Wolfheart
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Feb 2011
Age: 31
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,971
Location: Kent, England

04 Mar 2011, 12:24 pm

The world is changing and kids are participating in intimacy and relationships far far younger than they used to, meaning they have to accept the maturity and consequences that come with a relationship. I think you should just directly tell him that you're a lesbian, we aren't very good at picking up social hints and cues and tend to misunderstand things, I'm not comfortable with anyone touching me unless i've built an extreme level of comfort and a bond with them. It's best to tell him now before it develops into something else. You don't want to be leading a double life or leading him on, ask him to respect your sexuality as a friend and tell him that you wish to remain friends that are close.



jmnixon95
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 26 Dec 2009
Gender: Female
Posts: 20,931
Location: 미국

04 Mar 2011, 3:11 pm

Wolfheart wrote:
The world is changing and kids are participating in intimacy and relationships far far younger than they used to,


In many societies around the globe, kids still wed at thirteen and fourteen, and it has been part of their culture for such a long time that they forget when the practice originated and also, well, why they wed so young. The logical answer would obviously be the fact that people simply didn't live as long, especially in places such as Africa and India, so they had to crank out some babies before they reached their demises. "Western" societies did this, too, but it just wasn't as prominent; I'm assuming you live in the Western hemisphere (Northwest, I'd even guess), and actually, in our case in the NW hemisphere, we're getting older when we decide to wed and have babies. Same with quasi-Western societies, such as Japan and South Korea. Sure, kids go around like you said and they do stupid things, but the number of teenage pregnancies has actually decreased, and you can see it in the population. This signifies that the kids in general are either: a) practicing abstinence, or b) using some sort of contraception. Or, to elaborate upon "a", just not getting as "intimate" as they have in the past.

I might've taken your statement too seriously or something (I'm known to do that), and we might even be saying the same thing and I didn't comprehend your meaning correctly, but little thirteen-year-old girls shouldn't be deciding that they're this or that or that they want this or that, sexually. It's not right. I'm not meaning to sound like an adult, either. I'm fifteen, and it's wrong for fifteen-year-old kids, too.



bewarethebob
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Apr 2009
Age: 29
Gender: Male
Posts: 627

04 Mar 2011, 7:35 pm

anikatheoddone wrote:
i have this guy-friend at my school who has Asperger's too...i think. either that or something a little bit stronger (only a LITTLE) he doesnt hug anyone, but whenever he sees me he goes right up and hugs me, which is odd cuz hes EXTREMELY TERRIFIED of hugs. he also acts really nervous around me and all my friends agree he acts like he likes me.
hes more autistic than me, and i always feel i need to watch out for him, and i dont want to break his heart, but im actually a lesbian. one of my friends told him im gay, only he thought she meant gay as in happy and she decided to just leave it at that, just in case he tells his mom (he tells his mom EVERYTHING) i decided i shouldnt tell him, i really dont want to hurt his feelings. its not like he ever asked me out or anything. idk what i should do if he DOES tho, i mean he'd probably never get a girlfriend until hes an adult and learns to control his autism a little better.....i really dont want to break his heart tho and going out with him even tho i like girls and it would only be out of pity. i think it would be best to b just his friend, but how exactly should i explain to him im gay? more importantly SHOULD I????


Not to be an ass. But you are thirteen. I dont think you know exactly what you are in terms of sexuality just yet. you either like the boy or you dont.



jmnixon95
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 26 Dec 2009
Gender: Female
Posts: 20,931
Location: 미국

04 Mar 2011, 8:35 pm

bewarethebob wrote:
anikatheoddone wrote:
i have this guy-friend at my school who has Asperger's too...i think. either that or something a little bit stronger (only a LITTLE) he doesnt hug anyone, but whenever he sees me he goes right up and hugs me, which is odd cuz hes EXTREMELY TERRIFIED of hugs. he also acts really nervous around me and all my friends agree he acts like he likes me.
hes more autistic than me, and i always feel i need to watch out for him, and i dont want to break his heart, but im actually a lesbian. one of my friends told him im gay, only he thought she meant gay as in happy and she decided to just leave it at that, just in case he tells his mom (he tells his mom EVERYTHING) i decided i shouldnt tell him, i really dont want to hurt his feelings. its not like he ever asked me out or anything. idk what i should do if he DOES tho, i mean he'd probably never get a girlfriend until hes an adult and learns to control his autism a little better.....i really dont want to break his heart tho and going out with him even tho i like girls and it would only be out of pity. i think it would be best to b just his friend, but how exactly should i explain to him im gay? more importantly SHOULD I????


Not to be an ass. But you are thirteen. I dont think you know exactly what you are in terms of sexuality just yet. you either like the boy or you dont.


What I was saying.
I was thinking of calling troll.



LoveHim
Raven
Raven

User avatar

Joined: 27 Aug 2010
Age: 58
Gender: Female
Posts: 115

04 Mar 2011, 9:00 pm

Anyone worked in a middle school lately? 7th graders are definitely having sex. Alot.



jmnixon95
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 26 Dec 2009
Gender: Female
Posts: 20,931
Location: 미국

04 Mar 2011, 9:01 pm

LoveHim wrote:
Anyone worked in a middle school lately? 7th graders are definitely having sex. Alot.


Actually just got out of it, thanks.
No, they're not.
Just the select idiots.



AstroGeek
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 28 Jan 2011
Age: 27
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,582

04 Mar 2011, 10:01 pm

jmnixon95 wrote:

Quote:
LoveHim wrote:
Anyone worked in a middle school lately? 7th graders are definitely having sex. Alot.


Actually just got out of it, thanks.
No, they're not.
Just the select idiots.


I think this is all rather besides the point for this topic. The issue here is that anikatheoddone is not interested in a relationship with this guy (whether she is truly a lesbian or not--although I'd say that by 13 you'd be getting to the point where you know). And in that case it is best to make this clear. If that means explaining her sexual orientation then so be it. But obviously she does not want a relationship here, so something is necessary.

How to actually go about the explanation, I don't know. Certainly I have a hard time believing someone would misunderstand gay as happy in the 21st century. I guess you will just have to be really clear about it to him.



jmnixon95
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 26 Dec 2009
Gender: Female
Posts: 20,931
Location: 미국

04 Mar 2011, 10:08 pm

AstroGeek wrote:
jmnixon95 wrote:
Quote:
LoveHim wrote:
Anyone worked in a middle school lately? 7th graders are definitely having sex. Alot.


Actually just got out of it, thanks.
No, they're not.
Just the select idiots.


I think this is all rather besides the point for this topic. The issue here is that anikatheoddone is not interested in a relationship with this guy (whether she is truly a lesbian or not--although I'd say that by 13 you'd be getting to the point where you know). And in that case it is best to make this clear. If that means explaining her sexual orientation then so be it. But obviously she does not want a relationship here, so something is necessary.

How to actually go about the explanation, I don't know. Certainly I have a hard time believing someone would misunderstand gay as happy in the 21st century. I guess you will just have to be really clear about it to him.



It actually is relevant. The OP was talking about relationships, and she is thirteen. Age and intimate relationships were (and are) pertinent to the discussion.
Point: discussions don't have to stay strictly on the OP's topic (especially when the OP isn't even posting in the thread.) Have you seen any of the threads around here?



anikatheoddone
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

User avatar

Joined: 12 Jan 2011
Age: 23
Gender: Female
Posts: 34

06 Mar 2011, 9:40 pm

~sigh~ im actually not a 7th grader im an 8th. i just narowly made the cut-off when i was little and got to go to school without having to wait another year.
plus i knew i liked girls since i was 11 its really hard NOT to know. im so tired of people saying im too young to know for sure, cuz guess what? im pretty frickin sure



anikatheoddone
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

User avatar

Joined: 12 Jan 2011
Age: 23
Gender: Female
Posts: 34

06 Mar 2011, 9:42 pm

btw the reason i didnt post was cuz i was at my grandmas house and her internet was knocked out cuz of a storm.



bewarethebob
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Apr 2009
Age: 29
Gender: Male
Posts: 627

06 Mar 2011, 9:52 pm

anikatheoddone wrote:
~sigh~ im actually not a 7th grader im an 8th. i just narowly made the cut-off when i was little and got to go to school without having to wait another year.
plus i knew i liked girls since i was 11 its really hard NOT to know. im so tired of people saying im too young to know for sure, cuz guess what? im pretty frickin sure


I still dont think you are. You are very young. still in 8th grade. I dont think you know.
But if you are, more power to you.

Anyways, if you dont like the boy, tell him. But dont go throwing out words like love at your age, especially if you havent grown enough to know what you are into



flamemasterelan
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 12 Feb 2011
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 128

06 Mar 2011, 11:34 pm

While I'll agree that love is too strong of a word/concept for the average 8th grader(no offense, I used it, too, at that age), knowing whether or not she's a lesbian isn't really that difficult. Accepting it is the hard part.

I know I knew I was attracted to females from around the time they started to develop, in 4th/5th.



bigdaddy95
Hummingbird
Hummingbird

User avatar

Joined: 2 Jul 2008
Age: 25
Gender: Male
Posts: 18
Location: Southport

07 Mar 2011, 12:32 pm

Well I have a question that will help me give you my opinion on the matter: does he forgive things easy, or does he hold on to stuff done to him? Like does he hate someone as much as he did a month ago?