Gotta get rid of these old memories...they're killing me

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Brianruns10
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12 Mar 2011, 1:09 pm

Today I ran a road race. The race was a disaster because, thanks to crowds, I couldn't make it to the start line in time, so my time was awful, and I was utterly humiliated. Worse still, I was part of a team, and I feel I let them down.

So I'm feeling pretty awful and mad at myself, and then as I'm walking after the race, I come across a girl I knew a few years back. She was with a mutual friend, and so of course I had to smile at them. But god it was awkward. The girl is an alum of my school, and we met a few years ago at another race. We hit if off, and for the next two weeks we ran together almost every day. Then things culminated with dinner and a movie, and we kissed at the end. Then she quit returning my calls and emails, until finally I emailed point blank why I wasn't hearing from her. She said we weren't right for each other. There were so many reasons, I guess. I was still in school at the time, but only had a few months left. We could've done long distance, and I came back to town fairly often. She was Catholic, and I'm not, and maybe that was it. Her catholicism didn't bother me, but maybe it was an issue for her that I wasn't. Then again, I don't really remember telling her my faith (or lack thereof).

What it came down to is I liked this girl so, so much, and she evidently didn't think much of me. It drives me nuts. I wasn't good enough for her. I wasn't right for her. I just don't get it. On the one hand it is so hard for me to accept change, and to not have control of things, yet I was so willing to go the extra mile for this person. That is a huge thing for me.

I cannot resolve the gulf, how a person can matter so much to me, and I be so inconsequential to that person. She just walks by and goes on with her life, and I can't forget her, or forget my failure to convince her of my worth. I desperately want redemption, to make contact with her, but there is no second chance, because I'd be a stalker. I already tried once, a year ago, to resume contact, and she deleted her facebook account. I didn't say anything, apart from wishing her a happy thanksgiving, and asking her about the last episode of a TV show we both liked. Totally innocuous, and then, her account is gone. I've found her email through LinkedIn, but I know I can't write. I'd be a stalker.

What made this day even worse was there was ANOTHER girl, I met a week ago on a run, and we got to talking, and we said we'd meet each other at the race that was today. I didn't realize how huge the race was, and I couldn't find her. I only know her first name. How the hell can I find her without being a total stalker? There once was a day where going the extra mile to find someone was romantic. Now it's weird.

I really am beginning to believe there is no hope for me. Everyone I come to like and, yes, love, doesn't care at all for me. Or I find someone, and then lose them as quickly. Something always happens. I've tried so so many times, and failed every single time. I really do think I'm damaged goods, undeserving of love, and it makes me alternately angry and wanting to hurt myself.



emlion
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12 Mar 2011, 1:12 pm

well don't hurt yourself. :(

maybe you'll see the girl you couldn't find in the race another time you're out running then you can explain and ask her out?
most people run the same route every time, right? so you're likely to see her out again?

as for the first girl; i'd forget about her.



Brianruns10
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12 Mar 2011, 1:26 pm

I wish I could. I can't get her, or any of the others out of my head. I just think what could have been, if only I'd been better.



emlion
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12 Mar 2011, 1:28 pm

i can't think of any advice.
when men shun me, i do the same thing you do.
i guess you need to think; she needs to be better too - but it's really difficult.



Brianruns10
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12 Mar 2011, 1:33 pm

She was a very good person, which is what blows up my logic chips. Such a good, kind person, but she doesn't want me. So what does that say about me?

They say you shouldn't rush into things, start as friends, and let things take their course. But I'm getting to where I'm too afraid to even ask out a friend now, because what has happened in the past is when I do that, and they turn me down, I lose the friend! I've lost several this way. They just avoid me, and I've lost not only a chance at a girlfriend, I've lost the person as a whole. I wish I could do it all over, so I would not make the mistake of asking her out. I dearly wish she was my friend, but it's too late now.



emlion
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12 Mar 2011, 1:34 pm

you can't help who you're attracted to (i think) - maybe she didn't just feel the chemistry and didn't want to lead you on.

yeah. sometimes friends then relationships works, but if it doesn't it does ruin the friendship. :(



alone
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12 Mar 2011, 1:57 pm

I think you should resign yourself to the fact that she wasn't the right girl for you. I don't think you have to rethink it over and over, once you went on a date and kissed it has the potential of messing up a friendship. But, you can't resign yourself to being a person who will not find love. Love rarely appears when you are looking. Relax and enjoy your life and get secure with yourself. It will happen in time and when it doesn't accept it wasn't supposed to happen. It is the only way to deal with it and remain ok. I do believe if two people are supposed to be together, they will be together and nothing can stop it. If you are meant to have more with the girl from the race today then something will throw you together. I know it is hard to believe in fate but there is too much evidence it is around in the air when it comes to love. You can't stalk anyone in this world and noone wants someone who has any appearance of being desperate.

:wink:



ntgrl
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12 Mar 2011, 3:16 pm

Brianruns10 wrote:
There once was a day where going the extra mile to find someone was romantic. Now it's weird.


There are still some women who would find it very romantic. I would be super flattered if someone who met me briefly went through the trouble of finding me!



nunctecognovi
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12 Mar 2011, 3:51 pm

My first boyfriend left me after less than a month; I really couldn't get him out of my head.
At that time I couldn't accept the fact of not beeing able to control the feelings of another person in orther to make her love me.
He told me that he was still in love with his ex and was trying to forget her with me.
I started to imagine how wonderful could have been his ex. I often dreamed that I was looking for him and when I found him he was with her but I couldn't see her face. I didn't have any idea of what kind of person she could have be.
Two years later,I fell in love with another person and I completely forgot him.
And by chance I met his ex girlfriend. She was a nice person but I really don't think she was better than me. And that made me think that if I had known that before I wouldn't have felt like a s**t for two years.
What I am trying to say is that if a girl doesn't like you, that doesn't mean that you are not good!



Wombat
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12 Mar 2011, 10:35 pm

Brianruns10 wrote:
I cannot resolve the gulf, how a person can matter so much to me, and I be so inconsequential to that person. She just walks by and goes on with her life, and I can't forget her, or forget my failure to convince her of my worth. I desperately want redemption, to make contact with her, but there is no second chance, because I'd be a stalker.


Dude, you don't really like her. You have built up a mental picture and put it on a pedestal.

There are millions of women out there. Many, even most of them would reject you for some reason or other but you are only looking to find one who thinks you are great. Keep looking.



RICKY5
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13 Mar 2011, 3:54 pm

Brianruns10 wrote:
She was a very good person, which is what blows up my logic chips. Such a good, kind person, but she doesn't want me. So what does that say about me?

They say you shouldn't rush into things, start as friends, and let things take their course. But I'm getting to where I'm too afraid to even ask out a friend now, because what has happened in the past is when I do that, and they turn me down, I lose the friend! I've lost several this way. They just avoid me, and I've lost not only a chance at a girlfriend, I've lost the person as a whole. I wish I could do it all over, so I would not make the mistake of asking her out. I dearly wish she was my friend, but it's too late now.


You are pedestalizing her. STOP THAT!



The_Face_of_Boo
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13 Mar 2011, 4:12 pm

I agree with the two guys above on this one.



Laz
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13 Mar 2011, 5:05 pm

Rohypnol?


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trojan51
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13 Mar 2011, 7:35 pm

Yeah i went on a date with a girl recently and she thought i was really handsome and all that and we madeout for 20 mins at the end, now she wont even talk to me. No idea why either, its a horrible feeling, but one that we cant do anything about.



Grisha
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13 Mar 2011, 7:53 pm

trojan51 wrote:
Yeah i went on a date with a girl recently and she thought i was really handsome and all that and we madeout for 20 mins at the end, now she wont even talk to me. No idea why either, its a horrible feeling, but one that we cant do anything about.


But how were the 20 minutes?

That's the way to look at it, it only got negative when you decided you wanted more...