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"Don't come across as desperate"

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KevLibraryGuy
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17 Mar 2011, 7:39 pm

The above statement is something I've heard before in regards to dating: don't give the impression of being so starved of a relationship that you'll settle for anything. Largely, I agree, but...I'm a 25 years old, never had a single relationship in my life, and as one girl told me, I have a virgin aura a mile wide. How the hell do I NOT come across as desperate, or at the very least desirable?

I've been told that if I just be patient and wait, a relationship may unfold on its own time. Is this the best advice for me to act on? Because I can tell you now that I've definitely moved past the whole 'desperate' point. I think I would describe myself now as 'tired and indifferent.'



RICKY5
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17 Mar 2011, 8:28 pm

KevLibraryGuy wrote:
The above statement is something I've heard before in regards to dating: don't give the impression of being so starved of a relationship that you'll settle for anything. Largely, I agree, but...I'm a 25 years old, never had a single relationship in my life, and as one girl told me, I have a virgin aura a mile wide. How the hell do I NOT come across as desperate, or at the very least desirable?

I've been told that if I just be patient and wait, a relationship may unfold on its own time. Is this the best advice for me to act on? Because I can tell you now that I've definitely moved past the whole 'desperate' point. I think I would describe myself now as 'tired and indifferent.'


That's complete f*****g BS. Who told you that anyway?

I used to be a lot like so many of the sad frustrated virgins on here. I set myself free. You should too.



hale_bopp
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17 Mar 2011, 8:31 pm

KevLibraryGuy wrote:
The above statement is something I've heard before in regards to dating: don't give the impression of being so starved of a relationship that you'll settle for anything. Largely, I agree, but...I'm a 25 years old, never had a single relationship in my life, and as one girl told me, I have a virgin aura a mile wide. How the hell do I NOT come across as desperate, or at the very least desirable?

I've been told that if I just be patient and wait, a relationship may unfold on its own time. Is this the best advice for me to act on? Because I can tell you now that I've definitely moved past the whole 'desperate' point. I think I would describe myself now as 'tired and indifferent.'


You can't come across as not desperate unless you're not desperate. The solution is find something else in your life to be passionate about. If you say it doesn't work, you're not passionate enough about it.

Get friends, laugh, live.

Don't have a cry because you are a virgin. I was a virgin too at your age.



DCxMagus
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17 Mar 2011, 8:50 pm

hale_bopp wrote:

You can't come across as not desperate unless you're not desperate. The solution is find something else in your life to be passionate about. If you say it doesn't work, you're not passionate enough about it.

Get friends, laugh, live.


best advice your gonna get right there. If you don't know your passion by now, then find it. Find what it is that you can lose yourself in, once you find the one thing in life that makes all your worries,fears,and anxiety disappear everything else is so trivial...



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17 Mar 2011, 9:35 pm

KevLibraryGuy wrote:
The above statement is something I've heard before in regards to dating: don't give the impression of being so starved of a relationship that you'll settle for anything. Largely, I agree, but...I'm a 25 years old, never had a single relationship in my life, and as one girl told me, I have a virgin aura a mile wide. How the hell do I NOT come across as desperate, or at the very least desirable?

I've been told that if I just be patient and wait, a relationship may unfold on its own time. Is this the best advice for me to act on? Because I can tell you now that I've definitely moved past the whole 'desperate' point. I think I would describe myself now as 'tired and indifferent.'


I have had this problem in a different context i.e., work / location. What I believe is the solution actually involves narrowing your paremeters further and only show interest in people that you really like. I'm kinda in the 'tired and indifferent' category currently but that is only because I have other priorities on the agenda at the moment. I think the 'virgin aura' comment is a bit harsh and not to be taken seriously


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hale_bopp
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17 Mar 2011, 10:55 pm

bucephalus wrote:
I think the 'virgin aura' comment is a bit harsh and not to be taken seriously


They are there though and every girl and guy can pick them up.



jamieboy
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17 Mar 2011, 10:55 pm

hale_bopp wrote:
KevLibraryGuy wrote:
The above statement is something I've heard before in regards to dating: don't give the impression of being so starved of a relationship that you'll settle for anything. Largely, I agree, but...I'm a 25 years old, never had a single relationship in my life, and as one girl told me, I have a virgin aura a mile wide. How the hell do I NOT come across as desperate, or at the very least desirable?

I've been told that if I just be patient and wait, a relationship may unfold on its own time. Is this the best advice for me to act on? Because I can tell you now that I've definitely moved past the whole 'desperate' point. I think I would describe myself now as 'tired and indifferent.'


You can't come across as not desperate unless you're not desperate. The solution is find something else in your life to be passionate about. If you say it doesn't work, you're not passionate enough about it.

Get friends, laugh, live.

Don't have a cry because you are a virgin. I was a virgin too at your age.


Wow i'm pretty suprised that you were a virgin at 25 Hale! I only lost mine this year. It wasn't all that. I think finding my first relationship will have a more positive affect on me. At least then i'll feel more comfortable going out and doing stuff.



Last edited by jamieboy on 17 Mar 2011, 10:56 pm, edited 1 time in total.

hale_bopp
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17 Mar 2011, 10:56 pm

jamieboy wrote:
hale_bopp wrote:
KevLibraryGuy wrote:
The above statement is something I've heard before in regards to dating: don't give the impression of being so starved of a relationship that you'll settle for anything. Largely, I agree, but...I'm a 25 years old, never had a single relationship in my life, and as one girl told me, I have a virgin aura a mile wide. How the hell do I NOT come across as desperate, or at the very least desirable?

I've been told that if I just be patient and wait, a relationship may unfold on its own time. Is this the best advice for me to act on? Because I can tell you now that I've definitely moved past the whole 'desperate' point. I think I would describe myself now as 'tired and indifferent.'


You can't come across as not desperate unless you're not desperate. The solution is find something else in your life to be passionate about. If you say it doesn't work, you're not passionate enough about it.

Get friends, laugh, live.

Don't have a cry because you are a virgin. I was a virgin too at your age.


Wow i'm pretty suprised that you were a virgin at 25 Hale! I only lost mine this year. It wasn't all that. I think finding my first relationship will have a more positive affect on me. At least the i'll feel more comfortable going out and doing stuff.


I was actually 24 but I don't see why you're surprised, I am aspie, afterall. I can't flirt, I can't look a guy in the eye and say hes hot etc.



jamieboy
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17 Mar 2011, 10:59 pm

hale_bopp wrote:
jamieboy wrote:
hale_bopp wrote:
KevLibraryGuy wrote:
The above statement is something I've heard before in regards to dating: don't give the impression of being so starved of a relationship that you'll settle for anything. Largely, I agree, but...I'm a 25 years old, never had a single relationship in my life, and as one girl told me, I have a virgin aura a mile wide. How the hell do I NOT come across as desperate, or at the very least desirable?

I've been told that if I just be patient and wait, a relationship may unfold on its own time. Is this the best advice for me to act on? Because I can tell you now that I've definitely moved past the whole 'desperate' point. I think I would describe myself now as 'tired and indifferent.'


You can't come across as not desperate unless you're not desperate. The solution is find something else in your life to be passionate about. If you say it doesn't work, you're not passionate enough about it.

Get friends, laugh, live.

Don't have a cry because you are a virgin. I was a virgin too at your age.


Wow i'm pretty suprised that you were a virgin at 25 Hale! I only lost mine this year. It wasn't all that. I think finding my first relationship will have a more positive affect on me. At least the i'll feel more comfortable going out and doing stuff.


I was actually 24 but I don't see why you're surprised, I am aspie, afterall. I can't flirt, I can't look a guy in the eye and say hes hot etc.


Oh it's just that i think i've seen your YouTube videos and you are quite atttractive and smiley. Not that that matters i suppose in the trials and tribulations of being an Aspie. :D



hale_bopp
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17 Mar 2011, 11:01 pm

jamieboy wrote:
hale_bopp wrote:
jamieboy wrote:
hale_bopp wrote:
KevLibraryGuy wrote:
The above statement is something I've heard before in regards to dating: don't give the impression of being so starved of a relationship that you'll settle for anything. Largely, I agree, but...I'm a 25 years old, never had a single relationship in my life, and as one girl told me, I have a virgin aura a mile wide. How the hell do I NOT come across as desperate, or at the very least desirable?

I've been told that if I just be patient and wait, a relationship may unfold on its own time. Is this the best advice for me to act on? Because I can tell you now that I've definitely moved past the whole 'desperate' point. I think I would describe myself now as 'tired and indifferent.'


You can't come across as not desperate unless you're not desperate. The solution is find something else in your life to be passionate about. If you say it doesn't work, you're not passionate enough about it.

Get friends, laugh, live.

Don't have a cry because you are a virgin. I was a virgin too at your age.


Wow i'm pretty suprised that you were a virgin at 25 Hale! I only lost mine this year. It wasn't all that. I think finding my first relationship will have a more positive affect on me. At least the i'll feel more comfortable going out and doing stuff.


I was actually 24 but I don't see why you're surprised, I am aspie, afterall. I can't flirt, I can't look a guy in the eye and say hes hot etc.


Oh it's just that i think i've seen your YouTube videos and you are quite atttractive and smiley. Not that that matters i suppose in the trials and tribulations of being an Aspie. :D


I'm happy and smiley when I don't have to deal with serious interpersonal relations. A camera doesn't care what I do. If someone talks about feelings or asks about mine I don't want to know. I can't cope in job interviews. Flirting and relationships are what I'm worst at. And eye contact is the nail in the coffin, having pupils boring into mine kills me.



jamieboy
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17 Mar 2011, 11:07 pm

hale_bopp wrote:
jamieboy wrote:
hale_bopp wrote:
jamieboy wrote:
hale_bopp wrote:
KevLibraryGuy wrote:
The above statement is something I've heard before in regards to dating: don't give the impression of being so starved of a relationship that you'll settle for anything. Largely, I agree, but...I'm a 25 years old, never had a single relationship in my life, and as one girl told me, I have a virgin aura a mile wide. How the hell do I NOT come across as desperate, or at the very least desirable?

I've been told that if I just be patient and wait, a relationship may unfold on its own time. Is this the best advice for me to act on? Because I can tell you now that I've definitely moved past the whole 'desperate' point. I think I would describe myself now as 'tired and indifferent.'


You can't come across as not desperate unless you're not desperate. The solution is find something else in your life to be passionate about. If you say it doesn't work, you're not passionate enough about it.

Get friends, laugh, live.

Don't have a cry because you are a virgin. I was a virgin too at your age.


Wow i'm pretty suprised that you were a virgin at 25 Hale! I only lost mine this year. It wasn't all that. I think finding my first relationship will have a more positive affect on me. At least the i'll feel more comfortable going out and doing stuff.


I was actually 24 but I don't see why you're surprised, I am aspie, afterall. I can't flirt, I can't look a guy in the eye and say hes hot etc.


Oh it's just that i think i've seen your YouTube videos and you are quite atttractive and smiley. Not that that matters i suppose in the trials and tribulations of being an Aspie. :D


I'm happy and smiley when I don't have to deal with serious interpersonal relations. A camera doesn't care what I do. If someone talks about feelings or asks about mine I don't want to know. I can't cope in job interviews. Flirting and relationships are what I'm worst at. And eye contact is the nail in the coffin, having pupils boring into mine kills me.


I don't like eye contact either. When i try to do it i just get incredibly self-conscious and i start to wonder what the other person is thinking. "Do they think this looks wrong?" and i have to look away. I guess that makes me appear shifty weird and dishonest to the rest of the human race. I think that ultimately i'll end up with another Asperger's female or a girl with Aspie Traits. Although i think having an NT partner who knows loads about AS could be another solution. Maybe i'll have to hit up Simon Baron Cohen for a date?



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17 Mar 2011, 11:13 pm

RICKY5 wrote:
KevLibraryGuy wrote:
The above statement is something I've heard before in regards to dating: don't give the impression of being so starved of a relationship that you'll settle for anything. Largely, I agree, but...I'm a 25 years old, never had a single relationship in my life, and as one girl told me, I have a virgin aura a mile wide. How the hell do I NOT come across as desperate, or at the very least desirable?

I've been told that if I just be patient and wait, a relationship may unfold on its own time. Is this the best advice for me to act on? Because I can tell you now that I've definitely moved past the whole 'desperate' point. I think I would describe myself now as 'tired and indifferent.'


That's complete f***ing BS. Who told you that anyway?

I used to be a lot like so many of the sad frustrated virgins on here. I set myself free. You should too.


Take action. Seize the moment. Man was never intended to become an oyster.
Theodore Roosevelt


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17 Mar 2011, 11:51 pm

RICKY5 wrote:
KevLibraryGuy wrote:
The above statement is something I've heard before in regards to dating: don't give the impression of being so starved of a relationship that you'll settle for anything. Largely, I agree, but...I'm a 25 years old, never had a single relationship in my life, and as one girl told me, I have a virgin aura a mile wide. How the hell do I NOT come across as desperate, or at the very least desirable?

I've been told that if I just be patient and wait, a relationship may unfold on its own time. Is this the best advice for me to act on? Because I can tell you now that I've definitely moved past the whole 'desperate' point. I think I would describe myself now as 'tired and indifferent.'


That's complete f***ing BS. Who told you that anyway?


For once, ricky, I find myself agreeing with you... at least on that being BS.



jamieboy
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18 Mar 2011, 12:00 am

It's a shame that proactivity can be so difficult for many Autistic people. You need your executive functions working properly to be Captain Proactive.



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18 Mar 2011, 12:37 am

jamieboy wrote:
Captain Proactive


I think that should be your custom rank in a few quotes' time. That or Veiny Destroyer per auntblabby.



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18 Mar 2011, 4:24 pm

OP, don't fret. I'm turning 29 this August, and am a virgin, and have never kissed a girl before, nor had a GF. It can be hard not to give off desperation vibes when you get into your late 20s and are still a virgin, I know. Coupled with the Aspie mannerisms, it can make finding a partner excruciatingly difficult.