Success for me

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I just spent the weekend with the most awesome girl. She contacted me on OKCupid about a month ago. We spent most of the last weekend just laying in bed watching movies and cuddling. She's a social worker who works with school age kids that have learning difficulties, so she's not totally unfamiliar with Aspergers. Anyway, she's a very direct and blunt communicator, which makes it much easier for me to be comfortable around her without quickly getting tired. She has a lot of nervous energy (ADHD), so she does some of the same funny nervous quirks like playing with straw papers in restaurants and rocking back and forth.

So, I now have my first girlfriend. Of course it's still early, and a lot of relationships don't work out, but, even if it doesn't, this is as far as I've ever managed to get with a girl, and has been a fun experience. Thanks to all you guys here that encouraged me and gave me feedback on my profile.

Well done, I am pleased for you. I wish you both happiness.

That is awesome!!

Congratulations!!

I hope you inspire some of the guys around here.

WELL DONE YOU!

Awesome! Sounds like a great match!

Congrats! I wish you all the best.

Yay! Very happy for you!

Congratulations dude

Serious advice. You are 30 years old. She might be your first girlfriend but I assure you, you are not her first boyfriend.

Next weekend have a few bottles of campaign and some snacks on hand, and a box of condoms.

If you don't take the relationship to "the next level" very soon then she is going to be gone.

Its probably better to take the advice of people who have actually been in relationships.

She's actually divorced and she knew all this before we went out once. She said she'd have no problem going slow and waiting a while, but she didn't have to wait as long as she thought anyway. You don't start a fire if you can't handle the heat, no? I had mentally prepared myself to overcome this obstacle.

Congrats! May i browse your profile on there in order to perhaps find a few pointers? I am 28 and have never been in a relationship.

I would, but I've deactivated it since I found someone. It doesn't look too good to your girlfriend if she can still browse your OKCupid profile. Here's my advice.

1. No matter what, be confident. It's better to do the wrong thing assertively and confidently than do the right thing timidly or do nothing at all.

2. Don't make too many essential criteria. Relationships are about compromise, so if you have a bunch of things that you won't compromise on, it makes it really hard for you and whoever you're dating. For example, if I ONLY looked at girls that had no kids, didn't smoke, played video games, watched anime and crime dramas, hated talking on the phone, and preferred staying in to going out and partying, I'd obviously have quite a hill to climb, before I even asked the question of physical attractiveness or whether she can put up with my AS eccentricities. I whittled mine down to 3 essential issues. Firstly, no kids since I'm really not ready for that level of responsibility. Secondly, no party girls trying to drag me to clubs and bars and other such places that are more of a chore than anything else. Thirdly, no material girls that are going to want big expensive gifts because I'm quite poor and am very likely to remain so.

3. Don't wait months to meet in person. If you do that, she'll wonder what your intentions are and think you only want an online relationship. If she's reluctant to meet after a couple weeks of texting/IM/phone, she probably is only interested in an online relationship herself.

4. Don't talk too much about detailed special interests. If you like music, list a few bands you like, or if you are focused on a particular band, list a few songs, and move on. To the extent possible, try to be open to expanding yourself somewhat to different activities and interests, as it's extremely unlikely you're going to meet a girl with all the same interests as you. Don't use a lot of technical terms or big words that will intimidate the girl into thinking she's unworthy intellectually or that she'll never measure up to your standards.

5. Don't hesitate to put things that are "turn-offs" or things with negative connotation in your profile. If you feel like a nerdy guy, put that, and say it confidently. If you're a homebody, say that. If you're a hardcore Glenn Beck conservative, throw that out there. The point is, if these parts of your personality are going to be a major issue for people, you don't want to waste your time on them. Online dating is as much about who looks at your profile and runs away screaming as it is about who likes it. You can waste a lot of time on incompatible people if you just do the random NT things (met at a bar, friend of a friend, etc.). The same logic could apply to disclosing AS, but there are enough misconceptions about it that it could do more harm than good. I disclosed my AS.

6. Don't overpursue. If you are exchanging messages and she goes a day without replying, don't send a second message asking if she's still interested. Wait a few days and message other people and then if she hasn't replied and you're still interested, you might throw out that message. It's really about not seeming too desperate and clingy. If the girl thinks you have other possibilities out there that you're pursuing, then she'll try to impress you.

7. Date/communicate with multiple people. There is a time/place for focusing on one person, but you have to talk to and look at a lot of people to find one. If you only try one at a time, you're going to take ages, and you may miss opportunities. I dated three different girls within a 2 week span and was in communication online with 3 more. I didn't make it a secret that I was talking to many people seeing which one was best for me, and I think that just made them more aggressive.

That's the advice I'm giving. I'll add one last thing. Know what you want in a relationship. Know how much time you want to spend with a partner and take away from w/e else you do, how far you want to go at what point physically, whether you're looking for a long-term relationship or just fun. Know what kind of person you are and what kind of person you're looking for, and be realistic about your own strengths and limitations. Personally, I love online dating because it takes something which is such a random, subjective, social construct and turns it into something logical, analytical, and at least somewhat objective. Without it, I have little doubt that I'd probably never be in a romantic relationship, nor would I consider it worth the effort to seek one.

Jesus loves you.

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/agree ... To the OP, congratulations!! ! Wish you the best of luck