Should I tell her I have AS?

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Adam82
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18 Mar 2011, 4:29 pm

There's a friend I've known for three years from work, one I grew very attached to, and asked out. She rejected me, and it really hurt, because I really like her, and we did get quite close, so it strained the friendship for a while. I still want to be friends. So do you think I should tell her I have AS? It may explain a few things about me, and why I was so shy and awkward around her. She might understand, as she's worked as a teacher and has probably taughts kids with AS.



The_Face_of_Boo
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18 Mar 2011, 4:32 pm

no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no
and

no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no

and

no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no


wanna more no's?



emlion
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18 Mar 2011, 4:33 pm

no, no, no, no, no, no there's no limits!



Lene
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18 Mar 2011, 4:35 pm

If you're not friends now, then I wouldn't recommend telling her.

If you are still friends, maybe. But it depends what you want out of it: if you are hoping for another chance at a relationship, then telling her you have AS won't change the fact that she's already said no.



hill-o-beans
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18 Mar 2011, 4:43 pm

I remember when I told a trusted girlfriend about AS. I took her to a quiet place and looked deep into her eyes. She placed her hands on mine reassuringly. "I have something to tell you, something new about myself. I have Asperger's Syndrome. I'm not wrong, just different. It makes me a bit single minded and obssesive sometimes, but it also makes me intelligent, moral, ethical, loyal,and driven to suceed". She backed away from me in fear and disgust. "You mean your like one of those ret*ds who had to be tied up in the back of class, and drooled on everyone". then she stared looking for bleach to scrub off where I had touched her, then jumped out of the window and left town.



RICKY5
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18 Mar 2011, 4:57 pm

Adam82 wrote:
There's a friend I've known for three years from work, one I grew very attached to, and asked out. She rejected me, and it really hurt, because I really like her, and we did get quite close, so it strained the friendship for a while. I still want to be friends. So do you think I should tell her I have AS? It may explain a few things about me, and why I was so shy and awkward around her. She might understand, as she's worked as a teacher and has probably taughts kids with AS.


Don't do it. It will be used against you.



Adam82
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18 Mar 2011, 5:25 pm

OK. I won't say anything. It may make things very awkward.



MidlifeAspie
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18 Mar 2011, 5:30 pm

I will be the sole person voting "yes". Honesty only feels wrong, it rarely ever actually is.


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Peko
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18 Mar 2011, 8:36 pm

If you are still friends with her and she really is your friend she should accept who you are even w/ the AS. People who can't accept who you are not worth it.


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starygrrl
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18 Mar 2011, 8:41 pm

MidlifeAspie wrote:
I will be the sole person voting "yes". Honesty only feels wrong, it rarely ever actually is.


I have to agree. It is worthwhile to tell her. She is a friend, real friends will not judge you, they will accept you for who you are. Not saying it will evolve romantically, it probably will not. If she comes from an education background it will probably help.

So I am voting yes as well. Especially since it seems like a strong friendship, which after 3 years and some awkward moments it probably is.



dossa
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18 Mar 2011, 8:55 pm

I think you should tell her. I agree, friends accept you for who you are. Besides, telling her does not suddenly change who you are, and it might give her a better understanding or perspective that she did not have before. It might also strengthen the friendship not just because of that but because it shows that you trust her enough to share that.


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harry_j_83
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18 Mar 2011, 9:11 pm

hill-o-beans wrote:
I remember when I told a trusted girlfriend about AS. I took her to a quiet place and looked deep into her eyes. She placed her hands on mine reassuringly. "I have something to tell you, something new about myself. I have Asperger's Syndrome. I'm not wrong, just different. It makes me a bit single minded and obssesive sometimes, but it also makes me intelligent, moral, ethical, loyal,and driven to suceed". She backed away from me in fear and disgust. "You mean your like one of those ret*ds who had to be tied up in the back of class, and drooled on everyone". then she stared looking for bleach to scrub off where I had touched her, then jumped out of the window and left town.


did sh really say and do that?? stupid cow. be careful who you trust though. not everyne is like that
in fact most people are generally understanding (assuming their not some half-wit to begin with)



harry_j_83
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18 Mar 2011, 9:14 pm

hill-o-beans wrote:
I remember when I told a trusted girlfriend about AS. I took her to a quiet place and looked deep into her eyes. She placed her hands on mine reassuringly. "I have something to tell you, something new about myself. I have Asperger's Syndrome. I'm not wrong, just different. It makes me a bit single minded and obssesive sometimes, but it also makes me intelligent, moral, ethical, loyal,and driven to suceed". She backed away from me in fear and disgust. "You mean your like one of those ret*ds who had to be tied up in the back of class, and drooled on everyone". then she stared looking for bleach to scrub off where I had touched her, then jumped out of the window and left town.


did sh really say and do that?? stupid cow. be careful who you trust though. not everyne is like that
in fact most people are generally understanding (assuming their not some half-wit to begin with)



Grisha
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18 Mar 2011, 10:25 pm

hill-o-beans wrote:
I remember when I told a trusted girlfriend about AS. I took her to a quiet place and looked deep into her eyes. She placed her hands on mine reassuringly. "I have something to tell you, something new about myself. I have Asperger's Syndrome. I'm not wrong, just different. It makes me a bit single minded and obssesive sometimes, but it also makes me intelligent, moral, ethical, loyal,and driven to suceed". She backed away from me in fear and disgust. "You mean your like one of those ret*ds who had to be tied up in the back of class, and drooled on everyone". then she stared looking for bleach to scrub off where I had touched her, then jumped out of the window and left town.


I hate when that happens.

And in my case, the pepper spray was really inappropriate... :?



Adam82
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18 Mar 2011, 10:50 pm

Well, i'm in two minds about this. I want to say something, just so I get it out in the open. She deserves to know. And yet I'm scared if I say something, it will wreck the friendship. It's a test, really. A true friend wouldn't care and would want to still be mates with you anyway, and a person who isn't genuine would avoid you. So if she backs off, she isn't a true friend, anyway.



Hector
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18 Mar 2011, 11:20 pm

I'm on the side of "no" here. My opinion about telling non-professionals is that it should only be done if your relationship is amicable enough that telling them doesn't affect their perception of you as a person. In that case it won't tell them much about you, but it may say something about your condition that you are a friend of this person regardless of the social deficits. On the other hand, it seems as if you are currently experiencing friction with this person, so they might reach some unwelcome conclusions about you if you tell them, and relay those conclusions to others.

I'm not sure there's anything in particular that you can do to make the situation better in the here and now. This isn't such a disaster. You took a risk which was necessary, she said no, and is perhaps not as comfortable being with a guy who she knows has or at least had a non-reciprocal interest in her. Those are the breaks.