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Solvejg
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07 Apr 2011, 5:50 am

I am probably being silly BUT I feel rejected.

My ex-husband and I have been dating for quite a while.He would call me every day and listen to me and he would even come over for some 1on 1 time. For a while he was coming over daily. Then suddenly it stopped. He wouldn't answer my calls and if he did, he sounded annoyed and couldn't get me off the phone fast enough. I even tried to kiss him when he came to get the children last weekend and he turned his head away.

I did have a yell at him on tuesday because he fed our son something he is intolerant to and i ended up having to throw out his good jeans and another 3 pairs of pants and 4 pairs of undies because it was the worst runs i have ever seen and we were in the city. I called him today and apologised but he just said "is that all?" and then hung up.

Why is he avoiding me? what have i done? what is going on? :(


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MasterJedi
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07 Apr 2011, 6:53 am

well, he is your ex for a reason, yes?


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LostAlien
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07 Apr 2011, 10:09 am

Did you discuss what you were doing? by this I mean, did you ask stuff like: Are we dating again? Is this us getting serious again? and, Are we exclusive?

If you did and thus know what it was supposed to be, something is messed up with him. If you two didn't talk about it, it could be that he looked at you two dating in a different way than you did and I hope you feel better soon regardless.

If you haven't sat down to discuss it yet, perhaps it would be a good idea to do that. Asking "what was it that we were doing in your view?" may be a good way to figure out his behaviour.

While hurtful, it could be simply that he thought you were both just having fun and stepped back when someone (could have) pointed out that you may have felt differently about it and it's good to make sure so you understand where you stand.


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Peeled_Lemon
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08 Apr 2011, 6:46 am

I'm sorry to suggest it, but perhaps someone else has come into his life now? As LostAlien said, maybe he thought you were both just having fun and didn't realise you were taking things so seriously.

Also, I don't think you should have apologised for yelling at him. It sounds like he deserved it. A father should pay attention to his child's needs.



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08 Apr 2011, 7:48 am

Peeled_Lemon wrote:
Also, I don't think you should have apologised for yelling at him. It sounds like he deserved it. A father should pay attention to his child's needs.


We can be just as forgetful. It wouldn't be fair, especially since the boy is living with the mother more than the father. The father does not get the entire experience she gets with the boy; to be able to think of such mistakes ahead of time.
As said, he is your ex for a reason. You need a certain temperament to be able to handle another person's meltdowns; and he obviously does not have such a temperament to handle yours. Doesn't make him bad, nor does it make you bad; just makes things really difficult. Especially if he is depressed due to being divorced, he will have even less patience than usual.
If the boy was giving him the willpower to handle things, you shouldn't be too harsh on him when he is trying to gain more experience with the boy (and then with you).



ToughDiamond
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08 Apr 2011, 8:16 am

Peeled_Lemon wrote:
I'm sorry to suggest it, but perhaps someone else has come into his life now? As LostAlien said, maybe he thought you were both just having fun and didn't realise you were taking things so seriously.

Also, I don't think you should have apologised for yelling at him. It sounds like he deserved it. A father should pay attention to his child's needs.

Must confess that's the first thing that occurred to me to, that he's maybe found somebody else. But it could be the sulks, either because of the yelling or because of something else.

You probably know better than we do whether he's the type to go all distant for several days if he gets yelled at. I guess the best thing would be to ask him straight out why he's being distant all of a sudden, maybe reassuring him that if that's the way he insists on being, nobody can stop him but that you just want to know where you stand.

I think it was completely forgivable that you yelled at him under the circumstances, but an apology costs nothing....in theory we should all stick to firm-but-kind behaviour to resolve all our interpersonal problems, but nobody's THAT good in practice. What I'm wondering is, did he apologise to you for causing all that trouble?



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08 Apr 2011, 4:59 pm

I think you need to focus on enjoying your life. And one day maybe you will find a man who remembers about people's food intolerances and will buy you roses and take you to dinner and never keep you waiting for a phonecall. But right now focusing on you- and the kids- is the best thing I think.


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Chronos
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09 Apr 2011, 12:19 am

Solvejg wrote:
I am probably being silly BUT I feel rejected.

My ex-husband and I have been dating for quite a while.He would call me every day and listen to me and he would even come over for some 1on 1 time. For a while he was coming over daily. Then suddenly it stopped. He wouldn't answer my calls and if he did, he sounded annoyed and couldn't get me off the phone fast enough. I even tried to kiss him when he came to get the children last weekend and he turned his head away.

I did have a yell at him on tuesday because he fed our son something he is intolerant to and i ended up having to throw out his good jeans and another 3 pairs of pants and 4 pairs of undies because it was the worst runs i have ever seen and we were in the city. I called him today and apologised but he just said "is that all?" and then hung up.

Why is he avoiding me? what have i done? what is going on? :(


Perhaps the incident presented a manifestation of behaviors of yours which he feels he is incompatible with. After all, he is your ex-husband, there was some type of incompatibility correct?

As an example, I present to you the scene in American Beauty where the husband and wife momentarily reconcile on the couch in the living room, and as he is romantically embracing her with a beer in one hand, she suddenly notices he is about to spill it, and jumps up and expresses her worries that he is going to spill the beer on the couch. This ruins the mood as at that moment, he realized his wife had not reverted to the care free person she had used to be, with whom he fell in love, but was still the materialistic real estate agent with whom he had fallen out of love and was not compatible with.



blauSamstag
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09 Apr 2011, 1:31 am

you didn't have to throw out those clothes. You'd be amazed how much poop you can wash out of stuff.



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09 Apr 2011, 2:42 am

blauSamstag wrote:
you didn't have to throw out those clothes. You'd be amazed how much poop you can wash out of stuff.


Off topic yet informative.

+1 for adhd response.



Solvejg
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09 Apr 2011, 6:08 am

Nim wrote:
blauSamstag wrote:
you didn't have to throw out those clothes. You'd be amazed how much poop you can wash out of stuff.


Off topic yet informative.

+1 for adhd response.


I know already. Thanks anyway. But 32 degree heat plus soaked runny poo covered clothes plus an ASD son who has to see everything in the zoo the same way every-time, does not equal pleasant. :lol:

My X and I mostly split because of our son. I am quite sure he is also AS but the very introverted type, but everything still has to be his way type. I am the, as long as an argument is avoided, i will do whatever you say type. LOL.


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