Times when I feel unattractive...

Page 1 of 2 [ 20 posts ] Go to page 1, 2 Next

Joined: 8 Apr 2008
Age: 34
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,288
Location: Texas, unfortunately

06 Apr 2011, 11:21 pm

I currently have an OKCupid account. So far, I have had a decent amount of guys message me expressing their interest in me. What's the problem, then? Aside from about a couple of genuinely attractive guys, most of the guys who have messaged me are guys I would not be attracted to if I'd seen them in person. Most of the guys who message me are either overweight, unattractive, middle aged, or all of the above. Am I that unappealing that I only seem to attract the lowest common denominator? Or perhaps I'm just too picky?

Out of kindness, I always message back anyone who messages me, and I try to be polite with them, but I've been thinking of disabling my OKC account.

I wonder if I'd have better luck if I were to omit any information of my autism on my profile. Could it be that some guys might feel deterred from messaging me because I reveal on my profile that I have Asperger's? Or could that not be the case?

Can anybody relate?

_________________
What fresh hell is this?

sunshower
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 17 Aug 2006
Age: 126
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,985

06 Apr 2011, 11:46 pm

Descartes wrote:

Don't take it personal. I don't use internet dating or anything like that, but in RL I've been hit on heaps of times by unattractive middle aged guys (as in over a decade past my age bracket), and once even by a grandfather! They're not hitting on you because you're unattractive, they're hitting on you because they've been brainwashed into believing they're entitled to a young attractive women regardless of their age or appearance. Basically this is what current media does - once women are older and less attractive they seem to be devalued by social media in a way that older and less attractive men aren't. There is so much focus on youth and appearance in women that I think for many men these two characteristics are placed first and foremost on a list of important qualities in a partner. If attractive guys are also messaging you, then I'd say there's nothing wrong with your appearance or you being AS.

_________________
Into the dark...

Bethie
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 26 Jul 2010
Age: 38
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,817
Location: My World, Highview, Louisville, Kentucky, USA, Earth, The Milky Way, Local Group, Local Supercluster

06 Apr 2011, 11:55 pm

I have no advice-
to me, age is just a number.

Plus, I never get messages on OKC.

Sorries.

_________________
For there is another kind of violence, slower but just as deadly, destructive as the shot or the bomb in the night. This is the violence of institutions; indifference and inaction and slow decay.

Descartes
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 8 Apr 2008
Age: 34
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,288
Location: Texas, unfortunately

07 Apr 2011, 12:17 am

sunshower wrote:

Thank you for your well-thought out response. I'm a guy, though. :roll:

I suppose you're right regardless, though. Since most of the guys who messaged me are guys I'm not attracted to, I felt insecure about my own attractiveness.

_________________
What fresh hell is this?

ToadOfSteel
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 23 Sep 2007
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,157
Location: New Jersey

07 Apr 2011, 1:41 am

On the other side of things... most of my messages are met with silence.

The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 44
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 33,664
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.

07 Apr 2011, 2:22 am

Quote:

Most of the guys who message me are either overweight, unattractive, middle aged, or all of the above. Am I that unappealing that I only seem to attract the lowest common denominator?

If you were a heterosexual guy saying this and calling the overweight and middle aged girls as lowest something , users of this forum would attack you for being so insensitive.

But when girls and homosexual guys rule out guys like this and call them names , it's completely okay.

Double Standard reactions.

Correct me if I am mistaken.

Chronos
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 22 Apr 2010
Age: 46
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,698

07 Apr 2011, 2:25 am

Descartes wrote:

There's no reason to message back someone who you are not interested in. While this may seem impolite, and in many ways, is impolite, in this context, it's ok.

For the sake of determining whether a women is interested in them or not, you can pretend most men have AS. To that end, many men will interpret a woman smiling and being nice to him...what women generally regard as "being civil or friendly" as expressing interest in him. This is why a lot of women are...well, b!tchy sometimes to men they aren't interested in. They usually don't want to be b!tchy but frequently find it impossible to be friendly without sending him the wrong signal.

I would remove the words "autism" and "autistic". Many people are just not going to be familiar with those on the high end of the spectrum, and will make false assumptions of you.

As far as the physical aspects, while I don't advocate dating someone you really aren't attracted to, keep in mind, weight can be lost or gained and I think it's important to take into account why a person might be overweight. I think the bigger concern is what the weight might imply, and that's lifestyle.

I think the same applies for age. Most people feel that the older they get, the faster time passes, and generally speaking, you have a lot of 35 year olds out there who still feel 27, 40 year olds out there who still feel 27. I think lifestyle, or where someone is at in life should be considered with respect to age.

You had mentioned that the type of men you want don't contact you. Generally speaking, you have to meet the standards you want in a mate, and be able to convey those standards on OkCupid

hyperlexian
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 21 Jul 2010
Age: 54
Gender: Female
Posts: 22,023
Location: with bucephalus

07 Apr 2011, 9:14 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

Quote:

Most of the guys who message me are either overweight, unattractive, middle aged, or all of the above. Am I that unappealing that I only seem to attract the lowest common denominator?

agreed.

OP - it's understandable if men twice your age are not your type, but it isn't really fair or accurate to consider them pretty much universally unattractive. their standards aren't low, it's just that you are attractive to them.

i think part of it may be that you look like a fairly young and sensitive man, from what i remember. so it could be that you somewhat fit into a "type" that a certain "type" of older man really likes.

Descartes
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 8 Apr 2008
Age: 34
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,288
Location: Texas, unfortunately

07 Apr 2011, 10:32 am

I'm sorry if I came off as insensitive to people. I was just trying to convey my current frustrations.

_________________
What fresh hell is this?

The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 44
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 33,664
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.

07 Apr 2011, 10:56 am

^ No, it's okay , you can continue saying your mind. No one is going to confront you (as long you're talking about the same group), your'e safe , trust me.

Bethie
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 26 Jul 2010
Age: 38
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,817
Location: My World, Highview, Louisville, Kentucky, USA, Earth, The Milky Way, Local Group, Local Supercluster

07 Apr 2011, 4:16 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

Quote:

Most of the guys who message me are either overweight, unattractive, middle aged, or all of the above. Am I that unappealing that I only seem to attract the lowest common denominator?

Sure thing.
There were some people who found it offensive, they're just not of the type to say anything.

But think whatever you want- people always do.

The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 44
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 33,664
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.

07 Apr 2011, 4:23 pm

Quote:

There were some people who found it offensive, they're just not of the type to say anything.

And there's a Chinese teapot floating around the sun, we just can't see it.

Bethie
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 26 Jul 2010
Age: 38
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,817
Location: My World, Highview, Louisville, Kentucky, USA, Earth, The Milky Way, Local Group, Local Supercluster

07 Apr 2011, 4:26 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

Quote:

There were some people who found it offensive, they're just not of the type to say anything.

And there's a Chinese teapot floating around the sun, we just can't see it.

Excuse me for not wanting to out the people in question. :roll:

Carry on with your presumptions, though.

hyperlexian
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 21 Jul 2010
Age: 54
Gender: Female
Posts: 22,023
Location: with bucephalus

07 Apr 2011, 4:29 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

^ No, it's okay , you can continue saying your mind. No one is going to confront you (as long you're talking about the same group), your'e safe , trust me.

Boo, both you and i commented on it, so he did get confronted still.

Phonic
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 3 Apr 2011
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,329
Location: The graveyard of discarded toy soldiers.

07 Apr 2011, 4:33 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

Quote:

Most of the guys who message me are either overweight, unattractive, middle aged, or all of the above. Am I that unappealing that I only seem to attract the lowest common denominator?

agreed, it's absurd and insulting.

now heres a thingy: make your mention of being autistic a link to a short guide to autism, you'll educate many middle aged ugly fat men.

_________________
'not only has he hacked his intellect away from his feelings, but he has smashed his feelings and his capacity for judgment into smithereens'.

The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 44
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 33,664
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.

07 Apr 2011, 4:41 pm

Bethie wrote:

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

Quote:

There were some people who found it offensive, they're just not of the type to say anything.

And there's a Chinese teapot floating around the sun, we just can't see it.

Excuse me for not wanting to out the people in question. :roll:

Carry on with your presumptions, though.

And why do you think that you are even included in my "presumptions"?

Page 1 of 2 [ 20 posts ] Go to page 1, 2 Next

Jump to:

Times when I feel unattractive... Post Reply New Topic

Times when I feel unattractive...