Is anyone else here like me when it comes to dating?

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I'm unusual when it comes to women from a NT perspective and maybe a bit odd for a person with Asperger's. I don't know, I was hoping you could tell me.

I just confirmed I have Asperger's a couple of days ago. I'm a month from 20, still a virgin, but I'm pretty much obsessed with losing my virginity. I would think any 20 year old virgin with a libido would be. Since sophomore year of high school I've been working to get better socially and fix any flaws in my appearance. At the beginning of sophomore year some people spoke to me like I was a ret*d, and by the end of high school I was sort of the "lowest" guy socially in a group of somewhat popular guys. Now that I've recognized and fixed the behaviors that caused them to treat me that way, I still hang out with them and have a much better time.

I joined a fraternity in college (taking a year off now), so I learned how to deal with people from Philadelphia who might say "Sup f****r? Where'd you get those jeans, the toilet store?" as a friendly greeting, people like that. Joining a fraternity did mean many nights of being scared s**tless by sheer social anxiety, and parties are often still challenging. But basically, I've been determined to lose my virginity, and why the hell would I "Just wait because you'll find someone eventually" or something like that?

No, I took to the internets, and discovered the "community" of picking up girls, and basically ingested all of the information I could find on that, much of it probably written by guys with Aspergers, judging from the way some of them think. The most helpful information was just straight-up instructions on how to have a carefree mindset and how to react in different social situations. So essentially, I go out every weekend if I can, and certain party situations have become much easier for me over time, while others are still scary. I kissed two girls last year and both were random party make outs after a couple minutes of conversation, so hey, that's progress. I enjoy overcoming my fear

As far as fixing my physical flaws goes, I got contacts, took accutane, got a nosejob, had braces, got some moles removed, started dressing better, and now I'm working to fix my posture and put on weight by eating/lifting right.

Essentially since sophomore year I've tried to have a good social life. I think I've learned to use whatever part of the brain NTs use to socialize a lot more. If I recognize I'm doing something socially "wrong" (i.e. not demonstrating alpha male qualities) I figure out what the correct behavior is and do it artificially, and it eventually becomes instinct. For the most part I probably have better social skills than most since I've studied the right behaviors, but occasionally the awkwardness still rears its ugly head in the face of uncertainty, and since hooking up with girls requires you to let go of the logical part of your brain and run on instinct, that has been the toughest.

Anyone else similar? Fixing my most noticeable Aspergian shortcomings became an obsessive hobby of mine. I HATED being the quiet nerdy kid. I still hate being a virgin.

Edit: Oh, and people also call me superficial all the time, because I've always been insecure about my appearance (and now I have one final insecurity: my body) and I have very high standards. I just can't force myself to get horny for certain girls. If she doesn't exude an aura of attractiveness I can't get into it. You know what I mean; a vapid 10 is less attractive to me than a cool chick who's a 7. But if she's below a 7 I can't do it regardless. Rating everything on a 1-10 scale is another thing I do, probably from all those years of reading EGM.

Get a hooker and wear a rubber.

I wouldn't be morally opposed to it, but I'd have to say no because of all the other obvious reasons.

...Is my post too long to read? I always have to try and slim down my writing or people won't read my posts.

I'm not sure I understand why you're so determined to change yourself just to get laid.

What obvious reasons?

You see no point in saving your virginity for a special person or relationship or circumstance.

You're not interested in women who don't make a sufficient grade on your scale.

Why not rent a "7" or higher prostitute?

Me either. It seems OP wants to have sex just so he can say he has.

I started changing myself because I desperately craved two things: a real social life, and sex. And I guess to some extent, high school popularity (which now seems silly). But my desire to have sex isn't socially motivated. I've spent my whole life missing out on an important part of human intimacy! That's the only way I can explain my obsession. I want the intimacy I've fantasized about since 5th grade but never felt. Romance has always been my greatest challenge, and so the dynamics of it have always fascinated me. I wouldn't lose it to a hooker because I want her to desire me, I want to feel like I've accomplished something socially, and if possible, I'd like to cuddle with her and fall asleep with her afterwards. I don't know...part of it is that my heart aches from never experiencing that intimacy, and part of it is my dick saying AAAAGH PUT ME INSIDE OF SOMETHING ALREADY!! ! So I'd have sex with a girl just to get it over with and get some experience; virgins are the lepers of sex, and I'm not going to miss out on my soulmate because I'm too inexperienced to seduce her. But since I've been working for so many years to improve my social skills and my skills with women, it would mean nothing if I just paid for it after all that. Also, I'd prefer to have sex without a condom and pull out my first time. My PC muscle is strong enough that I probably wouldn't blow my load inside of her, and it's worth the small risk of pregnancy/infection to learn what that sensation feels like.

Currently the most I've done is make out with a girl and feel her up underneath the shirt, and I haven't kissed a girl since last summer. I'm sure many of you are familiar with this life--some of you seem to accept it--but not me. I want a girl who is intelligent, takes care of her appearance as much as I do, and has interesting or similar interests. I'd rather screen hundreds of women to find the one I like best, and then have a decent chance of courting that girl, rather than waiting until I meet a girl that fits my criteria, having no idea how to turn her on, and then becoming hopelessly infatuated with her as she drifts away. Based on past experiences I'll probably cling to the first cute artsy girl who has sex with me, but I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.

I probably sound so superficial. I guess many of you don't think like me? Maybe it's a natural progression though. When I was a "nice guy" who had only been rejected a few times my dream was to date a specific woman and be with her for life, then as I got rejected more I started hating women, then when I started learning a bit more about women and being around them I started to appreciate them. I suppose the rating system objectifies women but I can't help it. When I'm talking to a girl, she's a girl, but before I approach her, she's an 8.5.

Is this a joke...?



No! Whatever would make you suppose that?

Well, I don't think that eventually coincidentally running into a girl, who is so stupid that PUA crap works on her so well that she allows a one night stand to enter enter without condom is much more of an achievement than buying a prostitute.

damn dude...talk about dedication. as i was at your age, i was madly infatuated and therefore madly about sex. i find you have probably done more good things than i did at that age about this whole issue, but i would also state that if you think you are such a freak to be a virgin at 20, wait until you're 30, or even 40 and it could be even a bigger issue than it is today. but if you get the hang of it and lose it by the time college is done or even by the end of this month, then well done sir. its the norm as they say to lose it before marriage anyways and ever more common to have kids born out of wedlock, so if you do it, then you will shall be fitting right in with the pulse of mainstream society. congratulations. but i will also say that unless you'll be like ron burgundy and scream it loud on campus, no one practically no one is going to give a s**t about you getting the deed done anyways and then you might even be like "seriously, i was f*****g worried about that?" but practice makes perfect, and if this deed is so high on your current bucket-list , then more power to ya. what exactly is involved in this rating system? im just curious. and as a side note, i find it hard to believe that women dont carry a similar rating system on men, and if they truly dont, then maybe i have just been around a bunch of sluts or something, right? and what the hell is EGM? i doubt you are talking about electronic gaming monthly here, right?

I'm sure some women do, just as some men do.

The rest of us prefer to see the opposite sex as human beings and not objects to be "rated".

Question: What do you call a man who uses pull-out as birth control?

Answer: Dad

LOL! Brilliant.

I'm sorry, but that is flat-out STUPID.

I don't see a problem with the guy trying to change himself to improve his self esteem. Its more than others here are doing, not changing themselves and whining. (myself included - I'm trying though!)

I know a guy who recently had a nose job and it's made him heaps happier.

You want to have sex without a condom? Enjoy your child support, its sooo worth it.