Maaan, the friendzone is tough!

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Met a fantastic, smart, beautiful girl through OKCupid. Went on one date, and then she said she wanted to stay friends. We still hangout occasionally. In the meantime she's gotten a BF. I just saw a picture of him, and he looks like friggin drug addict, with this addled smile I'd love to punch out.

I've said in the past how I get mad when I ask a friend out, and subsequently loose the friend because she avoids me. So I'm trying not to be a hypocrite, and be a good friend to her. And I'm gonna stick it out in the hopes she dumps that loser, or he dumps her so I can swoop in.

But man, would I like to do some grievous bodily harm to that tool for getting he when I have so much more to offer her, and when we have so much in common. We'd be perfect together, and I just don't think I'll find anyone like her.

And if she doesn't want me in spite of all we have in common, there really is no one for me...

Enough other nice girls out there, don't sweat it.

Even if it's not right for you two to be together, it's certainly understandable how frustrating it can be to see her with someone that clearly isn't good enough for her. Unfortunately, you can't make decisions for her. She has to discover that he's no good for her. As someone who cares for her, as a friend or as a loved one, you have to be supportive of her and only step in if she's genuinely in danger. It sounds like he's a loser but he's not hurting her, so there's no reason to speak up.

You also have to remember that not all soulmates become spouses or lovers. You can love her and she can love you without romance. You can have a solid connection with another human being without dreading "the friendzone" and thinking it's the worst thing in the world. You might need someone like her in your corner supporting you when you're seeing people. The last thing I'd think you'd want is for the complexity of romance to ruin what you have with her... which it could very easily do if you don't know what you're doing. So chill. Be a true friend.

You think the friendzone sucks? Try the distant acquaintance zone and then call me back.

well, i kind of have a practical approach to this... if you were not really friends *before* you tried going on a date, then it seems a little odd to be friends *after*. since you're probably not well-established as friends already, it seems like a heck of a lot of effort to put into a friendship where there are some hurt feelings involved. doesn't seem like there is all that much to salvage.

it's nice to have friends, but there isn't much point if that wasn't what you wanted with her at all - i mean, you two met on a dating site, and you were presumably looking for people to date. of course, it would be different if you two had established some kind of friendship before, or if there were no hurt feelings involved.

not every friendship can be successful after a rejection. i wouldn't feel too guilty about it and just move on. would you miss her at all?

Last edited by RightGalaxy on 05 Apr 2011, 11:20 am, edited 1 time in total.

Swoop In? How is the other guy the loser when he GOT her! Have some self-respect and go GET someone else. What are you sticking around for?! To take out her garbage...clean her house....wash her dishes....can't you take a hint?! !! About that last bit you wrote - you ought to drop dead! A pimple on a bum's ass has more self-esteem than you do. I'm an old, haggard, 50 year old b***h and I have MORE pride than you. Are you still going to be a friend when she walks up the aisle with the other guy? If she's REALLY a friend, why can't she set you up with a good girl - NAAAAA!! ! That means she has to share the sick-puppy attention you give that manipulative b***h. It's all about her and fooey for you. Grow up douchbag!! ! Ya better watch that so-called drug addict doesn't knife you. Boyfriends don't appreciate male friends. Male friends are all the guys that simply were rejected as lovers. Ego boosters. Like collecting coins. Get real dickhead.

Thats a seriously heavy sack of potatoes your carrying on your shoulder there.

What world are we in? That world exists only in "your head". Like he's going to sit on her couch eating popcorn while another guy is banging her upstairs. What chill? Are you going to go to the same deli after you asked for ham and they gave you bologna? That soulmate s**t is another excuse for starting trouble between real and unimagined relationships as well.
The guy's a sap.

That photo to the left?...Is that Vlad? Yummy.

You're going to get Brianruns10's ass killed.

Oh that's right. It's his penis that cares about her, not him.

Honest question: how do you know that? There's no proper information about this guy in the OP except that he supposedly "looks like friggin drug addict", description that seems to have more to do with Brianruns' anger than anything else.

Personally I find it very fortunate that he can't make decisions for her. Considering he's expressing the wish to harm someone in almost every post he makes I have to wonder which one of them would actually present a more significant potential danger for this girl.

Yes. It is. They went on one date and hang out ocassionally. He's hanging around after one date in the hopes that he can unseat the guy. Rightgalaxy is right. At some point, her boyfriend is going to get sick of him hanging around waiting for the relationship to fail and do something about that.

Brianruns, cut all contact.

Is it possible she was saying she wanted to REMAIN friends as just a nice way of saying she DIDN'T want to be in a relationship with you?