Unusual girl problems (What's wrong with me?)

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Now, I like women but I never feel jealous when I see a man and a woman showing signs of affection to each other. I get jealous, but I never feel really jealous
But when I show women showing signs of affection towards each other, it always makes me feel -very- jealous and angry. Sometimes it's because I wish I had as strong a bond with my female friends that my female friends had with each other, or sometimes it's because I wish that males would be more affectionate to each other. But regardless of the reason, it just.... upsets me. Which I don't think is normal. And during the few times I've tried to pursue a relationship with a girl I've never gotten jealous or suspicious that she was cheating on me when she mentioned a former boyfriend or a close male friend, but whenever she mentioned a close female friend of hers or was with said close female friend of hers, I became really frustrated and suspicious, and politely asked myself to be excused before looking for a small and private place to cry.
Can anyone tell me what kind of issues I'm suffering from and how I can deal with them? My feelings are disturbing me way more than they should be.

Last edited by Yupa on 03 Aug 2006, 8:02 pm, edited 1 time in total.

You've just joined the club. I feel the same way as do other men here.

Do you feel like this was reflected in your resistance to the women having their own forum, like they were having a get-together and you wern't invited?

I'm a guy, but I feel that women should include me, mostly because I've been one of the few males allowed to be included in "girl talk" in real life.
If I wanted to be really blunt about deconstructing some of my feelings, tho', we'd have to move this to the mature topics forum, which I'd rather we not do....

Last edited by Yupa on 03 Aug 2006, 7:42 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I wouldn't have a problem with a potential girlfriend talking about ex-partners, but I wouldn't want her comparing me to them all the time, because I would feel like I was being held up to standards that I couldn't possibly meet.

Tim

I can appreciate your resistance to exploring your feelings on a public web forum, but if you really want to explore "What's wrong with me?" (an unfortunate choice of words, I don't think there's anything wrong with you) I think you're going to have to explore your feelings with somebody in some setting. I was wondering, do you have any sisters?

No, and I think that's the very reason I get along better with girls than with most boys.
I do, however, have a female cousin I admire very much and I'm very good friends with most of my aunts on my mother's side of the family.

Well, I'm afraid this is all far outside my expertise. I think you need to explore why it is you feel excluded or rejected or neglected or whatever it is you feel just because the girls want girls night out and you're not welcome. It seems that you want to be one of the girls, and I would think that you were gay, but you say you're not and I'm not about to try to tell someone else about their sexuality. Have you thought about consulting a psychologist or mental health counselor?

Are you afraid that your girlfriend might be more attracted to other women over men? I'm not saying your phobic. But it sounds like you fear losing her in such a way. That may be why you want to be included in conversations/get-togethers.
I'm not saying this would be the best thing to do but be upfront with her. Believe it or not but she may very well respect you more. . .or she could become pissed and dump you. I grew up with two older sisters. And from my position. . .it's best to be upfront and honest. Get it out in the open and go from there.

Maybe you'll find a more interesting situation arise. . .two women, one guy. Heck! I'd go for that myself!

I don't currently have a girlfriend, but the last time I did I very much felt that way, and what concerns me even more are that two of the three women I currently have a crush on are bisexual. Even though that's a bit hypocritical, since I'm bisexual myself, but regardless, I'm somewhat possessive and very insecure when it comes to issues of trust and loyalty....
As for conversations and get togethers, that's not necessarily with people I'm dating, but also with "girlfriends" in the context of close female friends. I'm the sort of guy who wants to be included in everything when it comes to social activities where close friends and acquaintances are involved.

I doubt anyone here likes not being part of an activity with friends. This may be a bit hard to do but try being a little assertive/aggressive in the sense of saying you'd like to join in. Think like a New Yorker. If you don't, then I hate to say it but you'll be the "odd guy out". Yes I know it isn't an easy thing to do. But to be seen, to be heard-you have to.

Don't always go by what I may however. There are several wise people here. Me-I'm a graphic artist who works out of their home-so I don't really get out much. But I have been in quite a few relationships over the years. . .some were good, some really sucked.

Give the assertiveness method a try. Believe in yourself enough to do that.

I think it means you want a close female friend.

I go spastic with jealousy when I see what you've described when it's a girl I wish I was close to, or just a little uneasy jealousy when its two random girls that are really good friends.

I'm not jealous of relationships, but I also wish I had a close male friend :/

Actually hale bopp brings up a very good point. It does sound like you're looking to develop close friendships with women.
That would be the best way to start things off in the first place. Then see where it may lead. But as in my last post-be a bit more assertive but not pushy or 'bug' them about it. Be straight forward and who knows. . .one of them may just become
(pardon my old terminology) 'smitten' with you.

Lastly-it's also important when in a relationship to give space. That includes letting them be with friends. If you don't, that person could grow to strongly dislike you-feeling you're trying to control them.

I do feel that way, but you have to be careful, watch and recognize when that happens.

I am in the opposite situation to that. I could even be married to a woman, and if she wanted to be sexual with another woman on occasion, I cannot find even the slightest bit of agitation in me about that. It just does not bother me at all, and I do not see why it should.

Say she really enjoyed crepes, but I was unable to or hated making crepes. Therefore if she sought crepes from another person on occasion, then this just seems perfectly understandable to me. I cannot or do not want to provide crepes, so therefore she gets her crepes from someone else, while also enjoying the various other things that I do offer. It makes sense. This attitude is helped by the fact that I am self-confident and emotionally stable.