Flirting advice - how not to look creepy

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Things have changed a lot since I last left here. I have a new car now, more friends, people seem to like me more. I've done a lot to improve the way I appear, such as walking normal, speaking more normal, making eye contact, etc. Overall, I'm less of a loser and I'm more attractive to other people.

Anyway, last Thursday I was working at the grocery store where I work when I saw this new girl checking me out. She must have looked at me at least five times there. I know that doesn't necessarily mean she's interested, but it means at least I'm giving off enough of a good vibe that girls are noticing me and like me more. I guess the fact that I even care that girls are noticing me goes to show that I'm still an insecure loser to a certain extent.

Yesterday I caught her eye and smiled at her. I think that was a good start. I'm thinking of talking to her next time I see her, but I don't know how to do that without creeping her out. I'm still rather weird to the point that women usually get turned off as soon as I open my mouth. Some people at work have said the things I do are creepy, such as randomly hugging people and making jokes about things like rape and necrophilia.

My planned approach is to walk up to her and say something like "Hi, cutie, how are you doing?" Then I'll ask her what her name is, tell her I saw her checking me out and figured I'd say hi.

I've never hit on anyone before, so I don't know how to go about doing it without screwing up. I screwed up with the last four girls who showed an interest in me in high school, mostly due to inaction. Confidence is not really an issue. I have been told many times that I'm attractive; the only thing that's wrong is the way I present myself to others.

Drop the 'cutie' part from the sentence.

deadeyexx had good advice for this. I forget which thread it was in and don't feel comfortable quoting it in case I don't remember it exactly the way he told it. But he had good advice on how not to look creepy but still let her know you're interested. If he doesn't post to this thread, PM him and ask.

Hey man... I would say play it safe and avoid calling her a cutie... you don't even know if you look good saying that line. There are guys who can tell a spend 15 minutes telling a girl who speaks broken or no english about an episode of My Little Pony and end up making out with them shortly after that and its not because of what they said, but how they said it, and if you have the slightest sense that you are creepy in anyway, please get real-life advice from a female friend who isn't afraid to be honest with you on how you come off. Also have it video taped, and do it with more and more of her own friends if they permit just so they can critique your interaction, and what you can improve on.

One thing to note is that you need to develop a very strong comfortable sense of who you are as a person, "rock-solid confidence" as a room mate of mine once quoted, but again... this rock-solid confidence should accompany your efforts to work on tonality and body language, or else you'll just be a confident weirdo.

I've seen guys who aren't used to eye-contact over-do it as well, and it comes off as you undressing them and she feeling violated. Pair the above with a less morbid sense of humor (preferably something campy or witty) and you'll do just fine in life, even if you don't get this girl, you greatly increase your chances in the future with other women.

I'm only saying these things because I've known room mates who rock bed hair from one girls apartment to the next, being driven by a new girl every time you see him because he doesn't have a car. It has everything to do with social dynamics, who you are as a person, and how you come off to people, and no amount of surgery for looks, clothes, or owning a car will ever make up for that.

Why should I avoid calling her "cutie"? Does it make me look sexually aggressive? I don't want to take the standard approach of walking up to a girl and saying "What book are you reading?" or something like that, then starting a conversation without actually telling her I like her. That just seems dishonest.

I think "cutie" is a term of endearment used when someone knows someone really well. Personally, I would reserve "cutie" for a boyfriend/girlfriend (or my nephew). Not that it's sexually aggressive, more like it's inappropriate to use for a stranger (though I'm sure she's not a stranger but you know what I mean). She is a co-worker, right?

I also wouldn't mention that you've noticed her checking you out. That might embarrass her and in her embarrassment, she might lash out, laugh and say, "Wow, that's some ego you have. Me checking you out. Get over it." And this might potentially end something before it has even started.

Why not go up to her and say something like, "Hi. I'm LotM. Are you new around here? What's your name? If there's anything you'd like to know about the place or need help in, let me know and I'll see what I can do." Etc, etc, etc...

That is a pretty neutral but friendly icebreaker. Take it from there.

And I do hope your improvement did not include getting rid of your gorgeous hobbit hair.

I wrote why in my post.. because if you can't "sell" your "Hello cutie" in a non-creepy manner, you shouldn't do it. If the interaction feels very uncomfortable, she may tell other coworkers about it reinforcing negative images of you in the work place. This isn't about how it may make you look more sexually aggressive... if you've got the right stuff, she could care less and find it inviting that a funny hot confident guy expresses sexual interest in her.

Be more concerned with introducing not yourself, but the you (or person) that she would want to be with. Keep it light and make her laugh. If she complys out of sympathy, that's a great exit for you to keep things friendly. If she shows obvious interest, then escalate from there. Attraction is your only concern in this interaction, and mine as far as this post goes. And you can do this with a great delivery via the things I've said, and by being a great listener to her body reaction, eye movement, tonality, and what she says.

She'll know that you like her without using the 'cutie' word. Trust me.

Listen to your older bros.

I'm more worried that she'll think I'm attracted to her but trying to hide it.

Calling a girl "cutie" who you haven't even technically met makes you seem like a jerk who just likes her for her looks period. Also, some girls don't like being complimented (I want to physically injure people who compliment me ). Your first sentence otherwise is a good way to approach a person. You can get away with being shy, etc. and not being creepy so long as you try to make occasional eye contact and than quickly look away and don't stare at her boobs, etc.

I've always had trouble flirting so instead I'm just direct, open, and honest.
Saying something you admire about them is just as flattering as common lines.
Just be aware of their responses (make it a focus) and back off if they seem uncomfortable.

A lot of people could consider that condescending. I went off a guy on NZ dating straight away for calling me "sweets". (Partly because it was condescending, partly because it's one of those "cuted up words" I can't stand to hear without having a meltdown) Unless you know the person it's patronising.

Excellent.



Even the most confident, secure guy in the world cares if girls notice him.



Don't talk about rape, or necrophilia and don't randomly hug people. If you are a guy who randomly hugs people, people with usually think you are weird or gay.



This is not a good way to approach her. This is the way a piece of sleaze from the east coast approaches a girl.

A better way would be to make a light hearted comment about something neutral (not relating to any subject that might scare her, such as necrophilia) and if she responds positively then you can i say "My name is (insert your name) by the way, what's yours?"

Teenagers can get away with being more direct and just saying "Hi, I'm (insert name), I've seen you around here a lot." And striking up a conversation that way.

Compliment on looks as opener doesn't really work, not in real life or internet dating (OKCupid link) Reply rate to first message containing compliments on looks compared to average reply rate


. It just makes you look a superficial jerk who thinks a superficial comment is going to get you laid fast. Also I would question the need to justify yourself by pointing her checking you out. 2/3 of the flirting is initiated by women, but men don't usually notice it consciously but think that they started it. I'd say the pointing the checking out is unlikely going to score any points for you for your perceiving skills, most likely it just makes you look weak that you need to justify your talking to her in that way (can be read as "I wouldn't dare to talk to any girls, unless they make clear initiative like you did"), and if she didn't do it intentionally consciously, it's just going to make her feel embarrassed. Also there really isn't anything dishonest in not announcing that you like her looks at the first sentence than not announcing that you eventually want to sleep with her, or that you want to marry her eventually in first sentence, eventhough if you felt like that.

No. You'd better have a rock solid relationship with someone before referring to that person with a nickname like that. That is, she should already be your girlfriend, or your niece, or someone equally close. It's really presumptuous -- even obnoxious -- otherwise. So is "I saw you checking me out." What if she was checking out the cute guy who works behind you?

In reading over your little bit of dialogue, it strikes me that that's how guys might like to be approached. (I would probably like it -- if I were in the right mood.) Don't assume that women will appreciate your being quite so blunt.