in love with friend with asperger's, how do i tell him???

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hello!

i am new to this forum, so i hope this is the right place to go. i am a 22 year old girl and go
to college at the moment. A friend of my brother goes to the same college as me and also studies the same subject. He is two years ahead of me, and since about two years, we regularly learn together. He helps me with things i don't understand, and i have really improved since he started helping me. But this is also where the problem starts: i have fallen in love with him really bad. The first time i saw him, i really found him very hot. He does alot of sport and is in really good shape. Also, he is much taller than me (i'm a little under 5'2, and he is like 6'2), and i feel so secure when he is around, and like i said, he helps me alot with my studies, and so it feels like he is my knight in shiny armor (please don't laugh, i know it is a little stupid). So, over the time, i also started to appreciate his character, and he is really nice and extremely smart (i mean he knows EVERYTHING i ask him, and i have witnessed him memorizing texts and facts almost exact after reading or hearing them the first time, which is so amazing), and the last times we were together, it was getting worse and worse. I couldn't focus on the subjects we had (which he noticed and asked if something was wrong), and even after he left, his after shave was still in the air and i was almost in a trance. i am not shy or anything, and usually don''t have problems getting along with guys, the reason why i came here is this: He's got asperger's (i know it since we talked about it once). I read about it a little bit on the internet, but i really don't know how to show him my affection without spooking him off or anything like that. I already tried flirting with him a little, but he is just so oblivious about any subtle approach. Usually i would not go and try when i think that a guy does not like me, but with him, i can't even tell a bit if he is interested in me (as in: beyond mutual friendship). I am pretty sure that he has never been with a girl before, and my girl friends at college asked me if he had a girlfriend and also tried flirting with him when he was around with me one day (and it made me soooo incredibly angry and jealous thinking that another girl might just go over to him and take him away from me). The thing is, i don't wanna lose him as a friend because i really like learning with him and stuff, and since he is a friend from my brother, it would be so embarassing to see him again if he somehow refuses me or is mad
with me or anything.

Is there any advice you can give me how to test if he would like to be with me? how can i show him how much i care for him? Should i just go and say to him, or would that be a bad idea? Is he likeley to end the friendship if i told him and he didn't have the same feelings? I am so grateful for any advice you can give me, this whole situation is very depressing for me, as i have never been into a guy that extreme as into him.
This must seem so childish to you, idolizing him like that, and believe me, i am very embarassed that someone of my age is action so foolish just because of one person. I am just that mad about him!

Thank you!

(and I am sorry for every mistake, as i am not from an english speaking country)

In general, you want to take a medium step

'If we went out on a date, do you think that would surprise people.'

'What if you did ask me out on a date, you know I might say yes'

'You know, I do find myself liking you'

[that is, think of the flirtation as verbal, and a little more direct, really quite a bit more direct than typical]

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Yes, it would be taking a risk, but it sounds like a risk worth taking. And two things about being aspie, at least for me (so important I'm going to put them in separate posts)

Need a lot of alone time (even after a social interaction that goes well)

Have patchy social skills. Above average in some areas, because respectful and positive treatment of others is important to me, and below average in others. And because of this patchy nature of my skills, some people think an oversight or ommission or clumsiness is deliberative, and really, honest to gosh, it usually is not.

Have you considered a less subtle approach?.

I spent sometime flirting back and forth with a class mate a couple of years ago.We said hi to each other several times a day, we exchanged some words several times a day and she kept asking me where I was going to drink(I liked pretending to be social for a while and I enjoyed the company) but as Ive had some trouble reading other people intentions I didnt make any moves to avoid making a huge mistake(lets just say that missunderstandings have happened more than a handfull times in the past).


Her intentions became much clearer as soon as she tried to arrange a date.She asked if we could see each other at the local fair (making clear that it was going to be just the two of us) and as she got sick she asked if we could reschedule to have coffee/we exchanged phone numbers to avoid any possible trouble.

Have you tried talking about him with your brother and asking if he thinks his friend has feelings for you or not?.

"I love you"

The best approach.

If your feelings are jealousy rather than love then you should step back and restart at a lesser pace.

Girls try words, but I usually pick up the hint when they start pinching/tugging/touching me. I wish they'd be more forward and stop trying to talk to me in public places tho...

Everyone with AS is different, so you need to DEFINITELY take what I say with a grain of salt, but judging by how I would react if it were me, the advice I would give you is to show him your post.

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Thank you everyone so far! i have to take some time and think about everything you all said so far and see what will be the best approach. i am a rather emotional person and i'm just scared that i might hassle him too much with my approach.
as for talking to my brother, this is a rather delicate situation. He is very good friend with him, but i cannot talk things like that with my brother so easily. He is a little overprotective and i guess he would not want me to go out with him or something like that (my family is a little old fashioned in this regard), and i have the feeling that, even though he is good friends with him, he would not want me to have a boyfriend with such a handicap (he made some remarks regarding his state and that it is already hard to put up with him as a friend sometimes and thelike).
it's just like, even direct approaches like making him compliments don't seem to work. one time i remember when i more or less directly told him that i thought he looked sexy, being so buff and all, and all he replied was telling me how he increased and altered his training routines in order to increase his muscle over the last 6 months, without even saying something like "thank you for noticing" or stuff like that, like i never even said that i found him to be sexy or anything. on the other hand, he sometimes makes remarks that are definitely compliments (about my looks or that he likes my perfume), but without any indication that they are meant as compliments, merely remarks about the situation, and when i say "oh, that's nice, thank you", he replies things like "thank you for what?".
i think the whole situation makes me alot more sensitive for his situation with his aspertger's. when we talked about it the first time, i didn't really think it was that much of a big issue, as he seemed to be able to lead a perfectly normal life and all. but he seems to play by tremendously different rules in all regards. i mean, i only have to try to play by these rules when i deal with him, he has to do that all time with every person he meats, which makes him even more amazing to me

I'm not sure about it, but the way you describe it, I used to be in a quite similar situation, but she never made a move, so I discarded my feelings I had for her pretty soon. Some of my friends told me the way she looked at me and all, she was heads over heels. Looking back at it, I made similar comments when I thought she was trying to flirt, as I didn't know how to react to that at all. Just don't expect too much from him in the beginning, especially when you are his first girl ever (and in that matter: DO. NOT. ASK. HIM. IF. YOU. ARE! Even though it is likely that you are, don't ask him, he will tell you when he thinks it is appropriate. Even though he might not have that much of an ego, he is still a man, and he might think you are making fun of him because he has never had a girlfriend as a mid-twen. I know I'd think that if someone I'm close to asked me about such a sensitive subject.)

Or, put it in a nice letter. (Or not, please trust your own best judgements and your emotional reaction to a possibility)