Considering Breaking Up

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Last edited by Ohgodspiders on 25 Apr 2011, 5:05 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Generally constant sitting on lap seems to be relatively divisive public display of affection, around 50/50, of course depends on circles you move, so that really doesn't make her bad.

In somewhat already deepened NT-NT relationship telling about hardships or setbacks which have happened during the day, is supposed to en-strengthen the relationship. If you keep dating NT girls, expect to receive stories of what went wrong in their days, stories of stuff that you have no practical way to help to fix, all you can do is to be supportive and give comfort, and try to think that as a practical way in which you can help. Also discussion about mood and feelings are typical of NT girls, not sure if in that amount though. If she opens about her feelings and mood, maybe she wants you to do same.

In general, women have an inherent need to know the emotional and mental status of their partner. They need to have some idea what their partner is thinking or feeling. This relates directly to the fact that female mammals are the primary care givers of off spring and, in a sense, the responsibilities that evolution has handed them with respect to their offspring, also, through natural selection, extends to their mates. She needs to know if her children are ok and if her mate is ok, because if not, she needs to do something about it. This is why women tend to be better at non-verbal communication. They have to be able to read babies and children who don't speak yet, and anticipate their husband's needs.

When women can't do this, they get anxious and insecure. In the case of a child they can't read, they consult with other mothers.In the case of a husband they can't read, they do frequent check ups. They ask if anything is wrong. They ask what you're thinking because that helps them form a deep bond with you that most women need in a relationship, but sometimes it takes a while for them to become well enough acquainted with you such that they don't have to ask.

It sounds though as if you two just have some type of communication fault and you just cannot read each other sufficiently well and are not on the same page.

I think you should sit down and talk with her in a non-accusatory manner about how you've been feeling. Don't blame her in any way because this isn't really about one person doing something wrong. Don't say "You constantly treat me like a child and (blah blah blah)." That is not the problem. The problem likely is "I just don't feel like we communicate very well and I don't think we're on the same page."

Also girls not liking their boyfriend to aggressively engage controversial topics in parties, like politics, is relatively typical, and if you by that wearing lots of hats mean that you wore many of them at same time, and unnecessarily risking the dropping of the hats, which could make them dirty, most girls don't appreciate goofing around with other people's goods either.

This wouldn't be a bad piece of advice to take on board. Most people go to parties to chill out/make small talk not engage in debates.

Also, even though you may be playing devil's advocate or having a healthy debate about a topic for the sake of debate, other people can be emotionally invested in said topic and may not appreciate having their views picked over by someone else for fun.

I have a friend who loves arguing. Sometimes he's fun to hang around with and we have great conversations, but I have a few subjects which are sore points for me (since you didn't ask , animal welfare and the legalisation of prostitutism). I've done my research and made up my own mind on these subjects a long time ago and I get angry when he tries to 'debate' them because I know he doesn't have a strong opinion on these subjects, and he's just doing it for lols, so of course he's going to be the 'calm' one.



Thing is, you just reacted like a child there. If you were comfortable with your maturity, you would have taken the advice for what it was. That said, tone of voice etc. can have a big effect and I wasn't there to hear it.

OP it sounds like your gf is trying to provide some guidance to help you behave in ways that are more socially acceptable. Based on what you've written here, I wouldn't describe her behavior as controlling....it seems to me like she's trying to provide you with insight into social situations - which is natural for her as an NT. From your own account, you admitted that you'd "acted stupid" in a similar situation. What your gf didn't tell you is that if you "act stupid" at every party you're invited to, they'll stop inviting you - and/or her. Trust me, if she cares about you, she doesn't want people to exclude you, or to form a negative impression of you.....and she doesn't want to have to make the choice of going to the next party without you.

Additionally, it's generally not acceptable for a grown man to be goofing with merchandise that he doesn't intend to buy. Seriously, when was the last time you saw someone behaving similarly in a store? I don't doubt that you may have had fun, but you could have been kicked out of the store, you could have been disrespected (treated as though you were drunk, high, or mentally incompetent)....any number of negative consequences could have occurred. Of course she would have wanted to spare you that.

Look, here's the ugly truth about Aspie/NT relationships: NTs may have to accommodate their Aspie partners in a lot of ways - even when it is painful, difficult, isolating, etc. The flipside of that is that Aspies will likely have more relationship success when they are willing to accept the type of guidance your NT gf is trying to provide. You may find it irritating, and I totally understand that. But the reality is that party guests who consistently "act stupid" stop getting invitations, and everybody has to make an effort to behave appropriately in public as part of adulthood - it's just the way it is.

As far as finding someone who is completely accepting of you, good luck with that. Unconditional love and acceptance exists in parent/child relationships - not between partners. Successful relationships require compromise. You can fight that idea for as long as you want - but it won't change that basic fact.

What Hope said.

You should consider that your behavior in certain situations may embarrass her.