Im Engaged, NOT Pregnant!

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*Groan* I know that I am getting married at a young age, but why does that imply a pregnancy? I'm christian, hes christian, we love each other very much, and we are going to wait till our wedding night before we go at it like animals! *Freud* We just happen to be young.

It apalls me that people see an early marrage as a notification for the conquences of unprotected fornication!

At 17? Good luck with that. O.o

I don't understand why people would even want to marry as a teenager... you're still learning who you are, and who you are is still changing. I'll save you the rest of the lecture, you've probably heard it before.

Its because this BS society expects people to not want to settle down until they're much older... because the teens and twenties are supposed to be for drinking and partying your brains out

I'm kinda in the same boat, I guess. No, i'm not engaged. In fact, i've had all of one relationship and it only lasted about a month. I'm 23 and I've been wanting to settle down for the past 5 years, the only thing that's really prevented me is the lack of anyone to really settle down with (i'm not cut out for living out the rest of my days myself). Some people just aren't cut out for the wild life...

Don't let the naysayers get you down. Just because you're not following societal expectations doesn't mean you shouldn't do what your heart says... there's enough conformist jackasses out there.

...and the young lovers live happily ever after.

Troll, perhaps?

Because they want to have sex.

Cant anyone marry because they're in love? My parents Eloped in their teens, and they recently celebrated their 25 annaversery! Marriage in a church is a spiritual joining before God, and I want the happiness that it brings.

And Im not a troll. Ive made over 275 posts and oyu will see that some of the more recent ones mention a Fiance.

Kimmy, to each his own.

Enjoy your marriage.

Wow... and I'm a year older than you and I just got my first boyfriend a month ago. I am also Christian like you, but I would rather date for a long time before making any decisions and I don't know how long you knew your fiancee, but just don't make any hasty decisions whatever you do and if the marriage does not feel right, then call if off. My cousin made this mistake when he was in his 20s when he was unsure to marry and his fiancee pressured him into marrying her even though he was unsure if he truly loved her and now he went through a divorce and they are cohabitating only for the sake of their son.

You know, if you truly believe that God is calling you to marry this man, go for it. I have known three people marry out of high school and they are all very happy. However, there was this one girl who was proposed at my age, but declined because she got a scholarship to study music in Australia and her boyfriend didn't want to wait for her.

People are skeptical and discouraging of young marriages in this modern age because people aren't considered developed into adulthood like they were a century or so ago. People learned about all they needed to learn before they were eighteen, unless they aimed to be a doctor or a lawyer, and were expected to get to work as an adult, marry and have children. Women, who had far less pressure to have any education at all, were also considered eligible for marriage by being physically able to bear children and, hopefully, be finished physically growing.

These days, childhood has been extended. Children can remain children while earning a four-year degree. It's standard for Child Support Orders to include the college years for as long as the child continues to attend full-time and achieve a minimum grade point average. Earning a living is not as "easy". Entry level work does not provide for a family. A husband must be able to earn an income that provides for his family, which will demand some kind of higher education. Wives are able to work, are not criticized as often for working, and in many cases must work for a couple to make ends meet. This means that wives must also be able to provide for their families with an education to obtain an appropriate paying job. In this century where killing one's spouse or remaining miserable until death are no longer considered the only options, a wife and a husband must also be able to support themselves in the event that divorce makes them independent.

So, while engaged 17 year-olds were very normal in 1911, they are simply frowned upon now because they're not seen as functioning, self-sufficient adults. They are seen as children, incapable of knowing what is best for themselves and capable of instant dramatic personality changes and tastes. This may not be the case with the OP and her fiance. They've both committed to abstaining from sex until marriage and stuck to it, which shows the maturity to make a decision and the prudence to follow-through.

Naturally, if two people of this age are going to decide to marry without having completed everything that modern society now expects a child to complete before becoming an adult, people will question why and manufacture their own fascinating fiction to explain the abnormality. Sex is sensational and it's a centuries old tradition to pressure unmarried people into marriage if there is a pregnancy involved. It's an incredible dynamic of progress and tradition working together to manifest stereotypes in all shapes and sizes!

Another thing that hasn't changed about the perception of marriage is the misconception that you're "done" when you're married. There's a common misconception that once an individual is married, their energy and focus is devoted to their spouse and building a family. This simply isn't true. A pair can marry and continue higher education. There will be additional considerations, like changes to tax status and availability of federal funding for higher education; however, it is still possible for people to continue individual pursuits while married.

What we haven't heard from the OP, and she is under no obligation to tell us, is the plan that her and her fiance have created for their lives. She has told us that they are abstaining from sex before marriage because that is relevant to her post. She has not disclosed any other information, which I am sure she and her fiance have responsibly outlined together with realistic expectations and proper research. Since the OP's life is really none of our business and we're welcome only to the information that she wishes to give us, I think we can give the OP the benefit of the doubt that she's done everything a reasonable person is expected to do to be ready for a lifetime commitment to another person.

Yeah...I would be skeptical of someone wanting to marry that young as it seems that most young people these days lack the maturity to deal with marriage. Not saying it can't be done, my grandmother married when she was 18 and would still be married if my grandfather were still alive. I'm in my twenties and the idea of getting married seems very distant and foreign at this point. >.<

Kimmy: I am sorry that you're getting so much grief. I wish you the very best.

For anyone who is a Christian and want's to stay true to a Biblical perspective on love and purity in marriage, early marriage is ideal. I think it's a shame we don't live in a world that is more supportive of young married couples. For the Christian, you have to avoid sexual impurity while facing social/cultural pressures, such as going to college, getting a job, and becoming financially stable and secure before even THINKING about a wedding, and THEN wait another 5 years, give or take, before having children.

I don't think we human beings were made for waiting that long. I'm turning 33 in a few days and I'm not even CLOSE to the ideal for a long-term committed relationship like marriage. But I am married and have two children. We're struggling, but we're doing our best. Kudos to you, Kimmy, because you and your husband are going to grow into this whole lifelong thing that you'll be doing, and you're going to have at least a decade more to enjoy it than most of us get.

If they haven't already, I hope you're parents and in-laws are supportive of you once you get married. Marriage and babies don't come with operational manuals, and it's difficult to wade through the muck and mire of marriage relationships, especially when you DO decide to have children. No one taught us how to do this, and we're pretty much making it up as we go. If you and your husband are willing to stick together no matter what, you'll be amazed at what you'll be able to do.

Also be aware that statistically those who start having children earlier tend to have more children than those (like myself) who waited. If you want a big family, don't wait. If you and your husband are truly willing to hang tight through thick and thin, you'll still have time to enjoy yourselves when the last one leaves the nest. More often people wait because they aren't interested in giving up their freedom in order to have children. But I do think if you have children sooner you enjoy it more.

Just some thoughts.

I'm not that concerned about your age. However I'm more concerned about the "passive" terms you chose to use. First marrying because you "are in love". The easy falling in love phase of relationship never last forever on it's own.

One good summary from difference of falling in love and love:
http://alwyn.wordpress.com/2008/07/15/w ... o-sanchez/

Also the Bible really doesn't promise easy automatic happiness from just getting married. Now maybe your word choice was just co-incidence, but just to make sure I think Christians should read books like John Piper's This Momentary Marriage: A Parable of Permanence and Gary Thomas' Sacred Marriage: What If God Designed Marriage to Make Us Holy More Than to Make Us Happy before marriage just to make sure that they have holy, not Hollywood, view of love and marriage.

Kimmy Good luck first of all.

I got engaged for the first time at 15 and i was with the man/ teenage boy until 3 days before our elopement because he wanted to experiment with men. I was a few days shy of 18. I have never gotten over him. I still love him to the furthest reaches of the galaxy. He is getting married soon to a woman who is a party animal. It cuts me deep.

At 18 i met and moved into my ex-husbands house. We had our first child at 21 and the second when i was 23. I am now 25 and separated. Mostly due to abuse and my PND. I know i want more children soon and i am actually looking at doing it on my own because i don't know if i can ever be with a man again, long term. .

Some people do know that this is where life is..... Just be careful. What if you have a child with downs or turners and/ or you get PND. Will the marriage still be great?

Just think about it.