Strong attachment issues in relationships

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I feel that the vast majority of people I meet on the spectrum are either actively looking for a relationship or are already paired up with someone. To those people, I tell you to exercise extreme caution to getting into committments like this. When things changed in my last relationship, I was not ready to handle it. We went from being best friends to fighting all the time, and it was hard because I couldn't see any flaws in him the entire time we knew each other.

In the end, he ended up unintentionally being very misleading. There were things I liked about him...we shared everything and he was incredibly honest and open with me. However, he turned out to be a narcissistic, attention-obsessed, emotionally immature little boy who did hard drugs and partied endlessly, depsite his lame excuses trying to justify everything.

What was especially dangerous is the level of attachment I had for him. even after we dated, I held the false belief that I should be behaving more like him. I dropped out of school, started hosting stupid parties at my house, and put endless crap up my nose. I ruined my whole life at the time, and sidetracked myself from my goals. After he cut off all contact with me, it sent myself into a deep depression which nearly sent me to the hospital, and led me to take another break from school. And all of this could have been prevented if I didn't obsessively love him to death.

Can anyone relate to this in some way? has anyone had a similar experience? How do you cope with changes like this without having a total breakdown? How do you NOT become so attached to someone?

I've done the same, but since they weren't there, it was more like I was connecting to her ghost which continued to live on in my mind. I would reconnect by visiting some of the places we used to go, and that helped give me something back that I felt I was robbed of when the relationship ended, which was: all of those good times we had together was for nothing. I guess one way that has helped me overcome my own ghosts was to forgive them and myself and to forget. They hurt me, and I screwed up as well, but there they are off living their life and I'm stuck in the dumps reliving something that ended when they left.

*If* you are like me, and can't help being emotional immature, fill your life with other enriching activities, so that you are too busy to sit around and think about it. Also mourn the loss of the reality that you imagined - of the two of you together - and forgive yourself and him as well, and try to forget.

You know what's funny? With the last girl I dated, I never even told her that I loved her, because I truly did not when we were together. I took everything she did for granted. However, once I dumped her for the second time, oh boy did I fall for her hard. There's a lot of things I wish I said and things I wish I didn't do. Maybe I won't care at all by the time I start getting laid again? I know I still care a lot about the ex I was in a secure, committed relationship with and everything since her has been a god damn shadow of what we had. I'm not sure I'll meet someone that understands me that well again, the last girl sure didn't. The one before that didn't, either.

That whole last relationship was an experiment in me trying to control my attachment. So while I did not think about her at all when we were dating, as soon as I dumped her and she wouldn't let me take her back, there was this sort of shock to my nervous system. Attachment goes on entirely unconsciously. Here I am visiting the places we used to hang out at, thinking about her constantly, etc. It's as if she's taking some significance in my life that she doesn't even deserve.

At the moment, the only relief I have is writing music. Playing with a band of musicians that can actually improvise and play chord changes leaves me feeling happier than after I just had sex.

Next time I feel no connection with someone yet we still want to have sex with each other, I'm just gonna roll out of bed after the sex. I'll see her like twice a week max and that will be that. There's no use in getting your limbic system all entwined with someone you can't connect with outside of this primitive affection level. We'll just grow to hate each other because we can't communicate effectively due to a lack of anything in common if we started hanging out like two people that are dating. I think this sort of relationship is going to be most of my relationships with the opposite sex until I meet that girl I can just have a conversation with and not have to force a connection with. It will be wonderful to meet that girl.

What I do know is that I never want to have conversations about women's fashion on a regular basis ever again.

I've been in such a depressed/nearly suicidal mood lately that I don't even have the usual drive to meet another girl. I want to meet one, but I just can't put my best foot forward when I'm so emotionally f*cked up.