The PUA community

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According to this book, I've sent out numerous signals which tell my "quarry" that I'm not interested (neutral and non-responsive body language), and yet the girl keeps calling me to meet up.

I guess she must have seen some redeeming qualities in me.

Maybe she's not very socially smart either. Or maybe you are just in fact a worthy 'quarry', worth mining.

What does the word "Butterfly" under my username mean?

Is that some personality trait ascribed based on one's posting style by an automated computer program?

Or is it just a random word?

It's just poster 'rank' you get different words depending on how many posts you've made, until you make it to 1000, then you can invent your own.

A computer generated thingy like you suggest would be very interesting, but alas, it is not that.

I've got a lot of posts to make before I can get creative. Oh well.

Is there some sort of correct method or way to text a girl?

I know some PUA techniques emphasize making fun of her (negging) to create attraction which seems awfully strange and counter-intuitive.

Other advice suggests being random (that is, posting texts which don't make sense).


I didn't know social interaction had so much depth and complexity to it, even when you're communicating over a cell phone.

Yeah, that sounds a bit dumb, kinda like what kids in the playground do when they fancy each other. Pull their pig tails and s**t. There's got to be better ways.



That one might work. But make sure it's not just garbled nonsense, put something intriguing and attractive in with the weird.



Different mediums have different subtleties. I hate texting, love typing. Go figure.

There's a line in the movie "Hitch", where he is talking to one of his clients about the fact that when he's out with a girl that "it is no longer your job to get her to like you. Your job is to not mess it up!" I think that long term, that's more of the point of the what these communities, books, and people are trying to get across.

You can have every advantage possible at the starting gate (looks, money, power, etc), but if you keep doing certain things, you'll piss away every advantage you might start with, leaving you in the trash heap of guys that are all the same to any particular girl (ie guys she doesn't want to go out with.) If you are just like any other guy, why would she be with YOU versus someone else? You need to make yourself unique somehow, so that there's something about you that she'll find appealing. That something won't be something that any average guy will have, which puts you at an advantage.

Obviously it's a little bit harder for us, since the initial meeting/attraction part is by far the hardest hump to get over, because we miss so much of what's happening. Reading some of the stuff I've read makes me constant do a facepalm over situations where a girl might as well have been carrying around a neon sign saying she liked me, but I totally missed it. I think that if we can learn enough to see these things and then act on them, the rest can be so much easier. Getting a girl to like you is significantly harder than it is compared to keeping her interest.

FWIW, the book that is probably the best PUA book out there isn't even a PUA book. Try reading "How To Win Friends And Influence People" by Dale Carnegie. Currently reading that, and it's got SO much more good information in it that any PUA book or website I've seen.

Thanks for the book suggestion.

Regarding the advice about having advantages. The whole dating scene is starting to look like a marketplace.

How can one get the best deal with minimal cost?

I usually don't like to use the cost-benefit theory when discussing relationships, but it looks like it really is that shallow.

i think it is as shallow as you make it. if you approach it with that kind of perspective, i think you will attract other people who see it that way. i like people who think outside of those terms, so those are the folks i associated with, and the people that i used to date.

It definitely is a marketplace. I am a "product in development" that I hope is different (but not necessarily better) than most others. I develop that "product" for my own benefit, in that the things I'm now trying to do make my life more fulfilling and interesting - even if I'm doing them alone. Its not nearly as shallow if you look at it this way.

Next time you go to the store, think about how much of a pain it is when faced with a shelf full of products that are essentially the same and are priced roughly the same. What sets one apart from another? It might seem shallow or even trivial, but CEO's spend millions on these minute differences to sell their product. Why shouldn't we invest in ourselves in a similar manner?

Ouch.

I guess I'll go raise my market value, if anyone's looking for me.....

Fixed it for you.

Sorry.

It seems the more I dig into the social world, the more it smells like horse s**t.

I'm split in half right now.

Do I want to participate in this "game"?

I certainly want a partner but when the rules are all laid out, that seems difficult for someone like me.

Looks like I'm damaged goods from the start with the odds against me.

Which will just make things all the sweeter when you beat them.

What a lovely sentiment.