"Imprinting" in Your Dating Life

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First, let me clarify what I mean by "imprinting". It's becoming interested in the type of people with whom you were successful a particular moment in the past. For example, you were at a party, and a girl taller than you showed strong interest, enough to lead to a momentary kiss, and for quite some time after that, you find yourself attracted to tall girls, even though you generally preferred shorter girls.

Now, for a personal example. Ever since I graduated from college, I've been going to singles' dances to meet women for dating. (I didn't go while in college, 'cause then I'd stick out like a sore thumb.) Now, those dances have mostly an older crowd, so I've been quite unsuccessful there until recently. Over the course of last two years (I'm now 28 ), I found myself getting attention from older women, ages 34 to 48, at those dances. The attention ranged from a 2-minute swing dance to a full-on make-out, and it happened a few times by now. So while I brushed off older women as "too old for me" in the past, I now find myself attracted to them. It seems like the first few successful occurrences imprinted on my brain, so now it's seeking out the same thing.

So could it really be a case of imprinting, like with newly hatched ducklings and their mothers, or just a garden-variety case of going where I have a good chance of success? It's been true in the past: freshman year of college it was Asian girls, senior year and right after college it was artsy girls, and now it's older women. Now, my common sense tells me not to get serious with someone way older than me, but the attraction is still there. Is this imprinting common among aspies? Has it been true for anyone else here? Discuss.

I can't give you any statistics, but I've read that Aspies do imprint in the way you've described.

I think people in general and I've heard this called a "love map."

Okay, about older women. I would not hold myself back from a good thing because of artificial rules. I would make it more of a point to take it step by medium step. And trust both your heart and your brain, primarily your heart. Does it continue to feel like positive energy?

An older woman does know more, if you were to ask her 'Are you hip to someone being aspie, asperger's syndrome . . ' she might well be, and she might be impressed that you can talk about it confidently and comfortably. And an older woman may well have known heartache and have come through the other side with a positive outlook.

This isn't about Twilight?

i think i agree with this idea. the concept of imprinting fits pretty well with my own feeling that if we open ourselves up to new experiences and give other people a chance, then we can find that our supposedly hardwired opinions can change.

i am skeptical when anyone states a preference for certain types as though it is absolutely fixed and unchangeable. i think aspies do like to hold tightly to the familiar, but a little openmindedness can shift the focus and help them to be more successful in the dating world.

but the OP's story of cougars, errrrr older women is a very good example because it is wide open and expands his options as opposed to narrowing the focus too much.some categories are too specific and can be quite restrictive. if a person living in sub-saharan africa imprinted on super-tall thai girls with buzz cuts, the opportunities could be somewhat limited.

I have a "type" that I'm always instantly physically, sexually attracted to. It (a man of that type) will turn my head on the street. For me, it's a visceral reaction. But in no way do I limit myself to that "type" when I date, I'd have an even smaller pool than I already do!

For what it's worth, I don't think my imprinting is because of a specific experience. The "type" I'm referring to is actually just the male equivalent of me, physically. I've often wondered if there's a spectrum that we all fall on that governs our visceral sexual attractions (for those of us who have them), whether some people are attracted to one "type" (and whether that type looks just like themselves) while other people don't have any strong ties one way or another. Do the people who profess to have a type describe that type as being looks-based, only, or is it also tied up in perceived cultural trappings, too?

Sexuality is such a fluid thing, after all...

I only had one girl in my life & we really connected & I'd love to find a girl who's like that again so this imprinting theory seems quite possible in my case