Anything wrong with seeing someone who is separated?

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Whats your opinion of dating someone who is separated but not divorced? Seems wrong to me for everyone involved. If you aren't happy and want to try a relationship with someone new, then just follow through with divorce. It seems kind of cowardly for the person who is separated and potentially dangerous for the person they are dating. And that doesn't consider the feelings of the other half of the separation (wife/husband).

I think it depends on the circumstances. At risk of being judged here, I simply haven't been able to afford a divorce. I am in another long term relationship and have not seen my ex in 7 years. I'm just poor. LOL And he's a deadbeat, so he'll never pay for it. Now if the spouse left the other one like last week and is just rebounding, I would probably say no.

I agree about seeing the divorce through first. The separation should be about re-thinking the relationship, not complicating things by drawing in others. I knew a woman who started flirting with her doctor. She finally threw herself at him, even though she suspected that he wasn't free for a relationship. Later she learned that he was separated from his wife, and that he had two young sons that he had visitation rights to. She started having an affair with him. Later, he got into a motorcycle accident and was severely injured. When she went to the hospital to see him, his wife was there. He never contacted this other woman again. She was broken hearted and worse, didn't have any way of contacting him again because the doctor's wife would not pass on messages. So, this woman immersed herself into a relationship that was on shaky ground, and only got hurt in the end.

A lot depends on what kind of separation it is. In most states, you can't decide to get divorced one morning and be divorced by that afternoon. It often takes the better part of a year, actually. In this case, have divorce papers been filed such that it's kind of an "administrative" separation -- couple is just waiting for the legal machinery to finish working? In that case, I think it's probably OK for each of them to start seeing other people. Or, is it the case that they're apart, no papers filed, and they're maybe sorta trying to work it out and get back together? In that case, I think it's probably not OK.

Here's what's wrong...

Jeff and Camille have no children. Camille decides to divorce Jeff. She files the paperwork and starts a relationship with another man. She becomes pregnant. Her boyfriend refuses to marry her. She files an addendum to the divorce suit that claims the child is her husband's. The judge awards her the house and half of her husband's income for the next 18 to 24 years in child support. Camille's boyfriend makes up with her and they move in together after the divorce is final. Jeff ends up supporting a child that is not his, Camille has committed paternity fraud, and the boyfriend gets two free rides: he will never have to pay to support his own child, and he gets to live in a house that he never paid for.

Other than that ...

I completely agree with you. It is very callous and selfish in my opinion.

In Australia you need to be able to show that you have been separated for a year and a day before applying for a divorce. You also need to go to counselling.

I think it is difficult to respond without knowing what the reason is for the separation or what rules they have agreed to in regards to the separation. With some couples, they both agree to the separation and agree to date others in the meantime to see how it goes, how they feel, respond... whatever. So long as everyone knows what is going on, I see no problem with it.

I know for me, I had young kids when I filed for divorce. My state makes you wait a year if you have kids, then you need a court date... I lived in an apartment for over a year before my divorce was ever final, and that was after a year and a half of sleeping in another room waiting for my ex to leave because he kept promising he would move out and he refused to. Finally I had to leave with my kids and nothing but the clothes we were wearing because stuff got so bad. I digress. Anyway, after my lawyer told me my divorce was final, I found out later it took another six months after then. I did not wait all that time to start dating again. It was done. My ex knew it, I knew it. Whatever. Three years of not sharing a room or even living in the same house and I was still technically just separated. See... it depends. I do not think I was wrong for moving on... nor did I think my ex was.

I think it can be risky....some separations are more final than others.

I've been "separated" from my wife for about 21 months, but she does visit occasionally and we have slept together sometimes. It would be unsafe for anybody else to get involved with either of us. That's the main reason why I still wear my wedding ring......if my wife and I don't resolve our problems within the next few months, I intend to go for a divorce, and to end the sexual side of the relationship. If and when that happens, I don't imagine I'll feel ready for another relationship for quite a while....it used to be called leaving a decent interval.

If you know they are physically separated then I see nothing wrong. I never would consider a date until it was final because my ex was swooning women from the internet listing himself as separated and they ate up.

Thanks for the input everyone. It's hard for me as a never married person to understand some of these things. I'm really concerned about a friend and am just not wanting them to get hurt.

In the case I'm talking about the separatee started a relationship immediately after they stopped living together. I do realize legal divorces take time and it can't happen the day after a petition is filed. And it is hard to wait until it is legal to start seeing someone. But if it is that powerful of a connection, waiting a year wouldn't be that much to ask?

If it makes any difference, the spouse that got left still thinks they are married. And the new girl/boyfriend thinks they are dating a legally divorced person. I'm worried that someone is being lied to or the other is just not able to come to terms with the truth.

I am not divorced yet but it is coming up to the year mark so i can file. After that it may take 6 or so months for my divorce to be finalised.

I am starting to date and see people. They know what the drill is. My ex knows what the drill is. Hell, he even has a new girlfriend himself. I haven't met her yet and she hasn't met the children yet but we probably will all meet in the future and nut out all the particulars.

We are over, finished, kaput. We have both waited until we were ready to date others so i don't see the harm. Plus the only thing that divorse really means is that you can remarry which i am not in a hurry to do.