Do you relate better to older men/women?

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I was on location at an archive doing research for a company, and spent the afternoon working with a woman employed there. I'd met her before, knew her, and we get along fine.

Initially I was shy because she's beautiful and into history, which is right up my alley, but then I found out she had a live in boyfriend/engaged to be engaged type situation. Disappointed yes, but funny enough when I learn these things I suddenly lose all anxiety, because they are no longer in the pool of possible partners (now if only I could lose that anxiety in the OTHER pool, but that's another thread).

I had a great conversation with her in the course of the afternoon, and I came away realizing that I really relate better to older women. In this case, she's not terribly older than me...six or eight years tops. But old enough to where she's grounded, knows what she wants, what she's doing, has focus, and seems to have put all the BS behind her.

Women my age...I almost have trouble calling them women. I tend to want to call them girls, because they don't seem mature enough to call women. Same with guys. Twenty somethings male and female just seem so focused on how drunk they can get, how much partying they can do, and in general how much time they can waste before they marry, have kids and all that stuff. I really can't say there are many people my age that I respect, or trust. Jeez, my roommate (who's moving in a month thank Jesus) who never mows, doesn't clean dishes, and chews with his mouth open like a mongrel (seriously, anyone who hasn't learned to chew with their mouth closed gets a big fat red check mark in my book). I just don't like people my age.

I've contemplated the idea of trying to date an older woman, but I fear the same problem, only inverse. Yes, I mature, focused, driven, but I don't make much money yet, still have roomates, and I doubt I'm what any older woman would consider a catch.

So does this mean I have to wait six or eight years for my generation to catch up to me, to find someone I CARE to date? Is there ANYONE my age with my level of maturity, who is a lazy, unfocused, hedonist dips**t like most twenty somethings I've had the displeasure of knowing?

It is often *way* easier to communicate when the "pressure is off."



Maybe it's just easier to find common ground with a woman, of any age, who is taking a career seriously, who is relatively well-mannered and cultivates interests that are interesting for yourself as well as for her?

Age may be an indicator, perhaps a good indicator, but I wouldn't necessarily say it's a cause.

For what it's worth, yes, I find that I don't relate well to women in their thirties at all. The ones with whom I can have an interesting conversation of any sort tend to be younger than 25 (I've no clue, don't ask) or older than 45. [1]

It's an instinct I fight to avoid thinking of women I speak to as "hmmm, potential" right off the bat. It took me a while to learn that it's just unnecessary pressure in any situation, and not particularly fair to myself or to the person involved. That said, it's still an instinct I fight. Feh...

[1] An aside: there was a classmate in one of my language class in university who I found was fun to be around in social situations and seemed interested in my company. A few months down the line, the subject of our ages came up. She learned I was 20, I learned she was 26 in the space of 25 seconds during a phone conversation. That phone conversation ended *really* fast, and as this class was done at that point I didn't hear from her again. Took me a few years afterwards to figure out wtf happened

I was always more comfortable with older men and women. I feel I can relate to them more, I don't know why. All of my friends are older than me, if not a few years then 10 or 20 years. I always had an easier time with people older than me.

Most men I find attractive are at least 10, 20 years older than me. Most guys my age are kinda immature, just want to have fun and aren't interested in having any kind of intellectual conversations.

Generally, I like women who are much older than myself but not always. One has to be careful about avoiding the wrong sort of older woman though - the sadistic, domineering type.

I find it very difficult to relate to people my own age or younger. The people I get on best with are usually 10-15 years older than me.

I'd take offence, but there is an element of truth to what you're saying. I think it's around our age priorities start to change, in your early twenties even if you live away from home you've still not fully come to realise the necessity of working to live or of responsibilities so partying is still a priority over most other things. And as more of my older friends are getting married and having kids there is a SIGNIFICANT gap developing, a serious shift in priorities...I'd be the same if not for the fact I can't afford to get married or have kids and that I missed-out on partying in my early twenties so want to party for as long as I can while I still can...okay, so call me a girl



There will be someone your age who is at your level, sure...not everyone is focused on getting drunk or being lazy jerks. I would say however not to count-out older women. I always went for older men thinking they'd be more willing to commit and more stable, which was a joke, I dismissed my younger boyfriend at first as I didn't think he'd be able to commit and just be like other's in their early twenties just interested in partying or playing on their stupid X-box, as it turns out the opposite was true, as he was willing to commit it also made him more willing to buckle down to provide.

My point is, say older women may want men their own age or older - men their own age or older are often single for a reason (what few are left single), they're less likely to commit and more likely to be morons that women don't really want to be with, where as younger men have the advantage that more of them are single, while also more of them may be ready to settle down (particularly at your age) and of course younger men are also more virile. Some women may want younger men.

Yes many women may prefer a man who is more stable financially and so-on, however most women don't go through a date wondering how well-off a guy is...sure, I get your point, if I was single now I'd be screwed as I'm unemployed, being on equal footing with a partner is important and being better off makes you a better catch...BUT, it's not all about that, if you end-up with a woman then these things don't matter, besides you'd soon catch-up with her in terms of where you are in life, financially, etc.

When I was younger, I definatly related to people older then me. But now I'm in my late 20's nearly 30 (not long now) I kinda seem to relate to a lot more people in terms of age. Some of my closest friends are almost 10 years older or younger then me.

I went out the other week with some friends and one of them had their younger sister and her friends along who were in their early 20's. I find with people in that age group it can vary quite considerably. If they are all wacky and zanny and trying to impress i kinda erk them off abit. But I've met people that age who seem to have a very level head and i kinda forget i'm speaking to someone who's got nearly a decade less of life experiance.

I feel I only reached a certain level of maturity and i've just stayed static while everyone in my age range caught up with me and now I feel like i'm behind in a lot of ways and in other respects quite far ahead. But maybe thats just because priorities work out differently in my head

I think I've always been able to relate to people who were like younger than me and it's always been like that with me.

Now that I got someone who is older than me (which is the first), I seem to be relating to her far more than I would ever thought.

Around 2 years back i fell in love with a married man of age 42.
I found him quite mature, stable, practical and focused.
Great personality and intelligence.

This qualities i dont find in my hubby who is 4 yrs older to me.
He is quite immature, impractical and lazy.

I find older men who are intelligent attractive.

I've always dated older men, on average a decade or so older than me.
I just like them. They seem more real. Less games. Less.. crap about "all women are blah blah blah".

Most of my friends have been younger. Especially girl friends. For some reason I fall into the 'mentor' role easily. Though it becomes exhausting and I usually move on when I've got nothing left to give.

I have the opposite problem. I relate better to women who are half my age. I'm very immature & dependent because of my Aspieness & physical disabilities. I have very little in common with women my age & they tend to look down on me & see me as a stupid overgrown kid or mentally retorted. My problem is I'll have to wait like 10 more years before I grow up & mature enough to where women on my level would be young adults instead of young teens. I'd be judged a pedophile if I date anyone on my level rite now

sometimes, but not usually. i typically relate better to younger people.

i do have friends with ages spanning from 19 to 58, but the majority of them are younger than me. i find that young people can be quite energetic and adventurous, yet also very insightful and understanding.

That sounds like the right sort of older woman;)

In love / dating terms I probably relate better to older women. In a friendship context, generally younger people. I have no evidence, it's merely a hunch

When I was younger, I related best to people older than me. Now, age is barely a factor. However, I have always (and suspect I always will) relate best to men.

I relate best to women who are older than me. My gf is older than me, for example. But there are women in my own age bracket who I relate to