does it get better in college?

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biopx92
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10 May 2011, 9:25 pm

I'm a guy and am a senior in high school. Pretty much all 4 years, I have struggled with friendships and havent had any relationships with girls romantic or otherwise with girls. Some of the more attractive/popular girls have even pretended to be interested in me for some reason... The only thing that has kept me (relatively) sane and happy is the hope that things will get better after high school in college. anyone have anything to say about that?



Troy_Guther
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10 May 2011, 9:49 pm

It definitely gets better once you get to college. Most people who make it to college are smarter and more likely to know what they want in life. Making friends will definitely be easier, at least that has been my experience. Keep your spirits up, college is so much better. :D



michiganfan317
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10 May 2011, 11:17 pm

It does get better in college because when you are on a college campus there are so many more people. The more people there are the more likely you will meet people that have your same interests and values. Also people are more mature and know more of what they want.

I will say thought that you have to keep working on yourself. Keep putting yourself in situations that will improve your skills. A change in scenery won't solve all your problems. If they are not worked on they will continue to be problems. But I would say overall it will improve as long as you keep that in mind.



one-A-N
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10 May 2011, 11:58 pm

For me, high school was small and structured and I coped (just!), but university was a sea of unstructured life ... and I floundered.

If that seems to be happening, then working more or less full-time and doing university part-time is one solution - that worked for me. The structured relationships in the workplace helped me to survive through the fluid relationships (and lack of relationships) at university.

Admittedly, that might not translate into the American environment, if that is where you are.



Bodrik
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11 May 2011, 12:19 am

College was worse for me.

The living in dorms with people I wasn't used to was the death of me. Every time I get used to some new roommate, the school year was over and again another year, another cycle of adjustment. I didn't begin to enjoy college till I started living at home and commuting to class. Some place of familiarity was critical for me, but in the end 2 years in comfort is too sort for any relationship in my case. 4 years ended = no relationships (nothing above acquaintance level).



simon_says
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11 May 2011, 12:41 am

Made little difference to me. It wasnt until after college that I made significant efforts to socialize, meet women, and all that.

If you are ready to try to expand your boundaries it can be better. It just depends on where you are with your development and what you are willing to do to change things.



Homer_Bob
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11 May 2011, 8:09 am

If you mean the classes and the students then it definitely gets better. The reason is because if you are quiet and a bit socially awkward, no one will have a problem with that. You won't look like an outcast because many people in college also don't know each other either. Most people are at college because they want to be there so your classes won't be full of idiots like high school. Of course if you want to make friends, nothing should stop you because you all have clean slate. But if you live on campus it's a whole different ballgame because I hear it's much worse with all the parties. At least in high school, you could leave at the end of the day. Still I feel commuting is the best option for anyone who has trouble socially because you can stay in your comfort zone if you wish.


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Erisad
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11 May 2011, 9:32 am

College is soo much better. I just graduated and I know I'll miss the friends I've made there. I've had amazing experiences and I think you will too. :)



mra1200
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11 May 2011, 10:19 am

just about everything gets better with age and experience.


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Bethie
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12 May 2011, 7:47 am

~shrug~

I was very involved in high school, and made great grades, had two girls who let me sit with them at lunch and would talk to me, and always had a boyfriend.

Then I came to college and basically fell apart, being away from my family, not knowing anyone, being expected to function in lectures with 300+ students, and having no one to hold me accountable and no regular daily schedule.

Whereas the boys who asked me out in high school did so because we had similar interests and had spent 9+ years in classes together,
the ones in college don't seem to be interested in women who aren't "hot" or at the very least "cute" (not hot, but doable).

That's my perception from what I've seen on two college campuses-
it could very well be because I don't have any social interaction, post high school.


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Bethie
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12 May 2011, 8:06 am

one-A-N wrote:
For me, high school was small and structured and I coped (just!), but university was a sea of unstructured life ... and I floundered.


Right.


Also, people at college aren't "smarter"; they're only richer. The ACT requirement for my huge four year university was a whopping 21 (out of 36- I got a 30) and you could still get in if you took placement exams. At my community college back home, FIFTEEN was the requirement.

And there being more people is NOT a positive, but a de-facto HUGE TERRIFYING, CRYING-IN-A-BATHROOM-STALL NEGATIVE for people who have social anxiety and do not enjoy being around people. Even were that not the case, it would only be relevant to meeting someone compatible if you met a significant MAJORITY of them- even the most social at my school I'm doubting met a sizable portion of 22,000 students. Sure there are more of the "type" you'd be compatible with...and depending on how small a proportion that "type" makes up, there are literally hordes more people you'd have to go through to find them.


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Bodrik
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12 May 2011, 9:53 am

I had the best minimization of the school size factor myself, but still had issues. I went to a private university, some 2-3k students, but still had the same problems in significantly smaller class sizes (10-30~ a class)then some of you.

I guess it matters more how well you are adjusted to social interaction. I just couldn't do till it was too late.



starryeyedvoyager
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12 May 2011, 10:22 am

I hate college for the reasons posted above: number of people around you, self-organization. Luckily, I can make up for those factors that inluence my in a negative way with a good memory and above average intelligence, so I'm still able to handle myself in the upper section. Would be worse if I had to live in a dorm (I know it would drive me nuts after a week max). Glad that I'm going to finish by the end of this year after five years. Would love to work at college and maybe make my phd. I love scientific research, it is just so productive.



Bethie
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12 May 2011, 10:47 am

Bodrik wrote:
I guess it matters more how well you are adjusted to social interaction. I just couldn't do till it was too late.

I flunked out of my pre-law program and am now resigned to going to a community college. Maybe it will be easier there.
Either that or earn money on my back, because I definitely have no marketable skills.


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