Can I get him back? Please help.

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I was with an aspie guy (didn't realize he was aspie, just thought he was "different". I've just recently realized that he's aspie - my own diagnosis and I'm quite positive about it.) ANYHOW.

We were "together" for over ten years. (We talked or chatted online nightly and spent vacations together and one long weekend a month together). I am thirteen years older than him but I look his age, we "clicked", never had horrible arguments, enjoyed a lot of the same things and each other. I never tried to change him and he never tried to change me. He gave me space which I loved, and I gave him his space. Then, as he approached forty years old, he decided he must marry someone younger, of his religion and have a child (both his religion and his mother had a lot of influence on him). He cried when he broke it off. I was very suprised because he's not emotional like that of course, in fact I used to call him "Mr. Spock". I didn't see him for months and when I did see him again (a pre-arranged trip that we kept), he kept begging to cuddle with me (I wouldn't) and he cried again and said "It's so sad".

I've given him two years with this younger woman, they aren't married yet. From the description of her that he gave me, she is very self-centered, superficial, cold and somewhat bitchy.

We keep in touch once or twice a week by email, just topical things. This summer I will visit him (purely as friends) but I want him back. Do you think it's possible? Any suggestions on HOW to do this, or at least try? I have to be myself of course, but I am curious what character traits aspie men like in women? If you have any questions that would help you to help me , please ask.

If he wants children than you are probably out of luck given your ages.

The biologic differences in fertility between the genders is often cited as the main reason why male-female relationships where the woman is much older than the man are the most prone to eventual failure.

I'm sorry hon, but from where I'm sitting, any time or energy you further invest in this relationship will be wasted.

Whatever the reason - whether it was his mother, his religion, or his own idea - he broke off your relationship two years ago. Now you're wondering if you can steal him away from the woman he's been dating. Well, maybe you can - he's clearly a very weak person. But what happens when his mother or his priest or his gf exert their "influence" on him? How quickly will he leave you again? After ten years of being together, these outside "influences" were enough to get him to dump you the first time - why do you think he'd be able to outlast them in the future?

Perhaps the reason he hasn't made a commitment to this new woman is because he's still maintaining a relationship with you. That's not fair to you, and it's not fair to her. I hope you can find the strength to tell him to stop contacting you. It's just keeping the emotional connection you had with him alive - while he's dating another woman. I just don't see that continuing to pursue this relationship is going to end well for you....I'm sorry for that. Good luck.

To put it bluntly, Peachy, there's little to no chance of you ever getting him back. He's moved on emotionally while you've stayed in a moment that's long ago passed by.

You deserve better.