Well, I blew it again.

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It turns out Shayna actually was getting a new phone and she wasn't bull$hitting me about it. She may have intended to give me her number after all. But that hardly matters anymore, because I talked to her on Facebook this evening, and my immaturity got the better of me.

Something f****d up has happened to my mind. Ever since I gained this new social confidence that I have now, I've started being a total a**hole towards girls that I like. I'm not trying to act like a jerk; it just sort of happens; that's the $hit that pops into my head at the time. I think on a subconscious level I'm trying to impress these girls or something by trying to look like a badass. The part about the Eminem song was a real creep-out I think. The line "Yeah, I saw you looking at me funny when we were at work. I just figured you liked what you saw." probably pi$$ed her off quite a bit. God, I'm such a ret*d.

tl:dr/dc

Yes, you blew it. I'm twice as old as Shayna and what I read still made me cringe.

Leave it go, LotM.

I remember you. I remember a nice guy. Who says really stupid things sometimes.

If you are not really a jerk, then don't be. I thought that not talking face to face may have helped you show a bit of the real you. Try to step back and think of what you're about to say next before hitting "send", okay?

It will be alright.

I'm sending her an apology message (which I think is appropriate enough not to make me look like a p****), partly because I want to make amends, partly because there's still a part of me that won't let go of her and wants to try to get another chance with her (narcissistic as that may seem):

I think she would appreciate your apology.

But did you totally skip over the part where she already has a boyfriend and is not interested? This -

is total nonsense. Do you actually care about Shayna and want to get to know her better as a person or is this just now some dumb personal challenge that you must win?

No real comment, I'm not wasting the energy.

Besides to tell you to never, ever... use the B word to a girl.. or call her the W word or the C word, or any other type of word similar. Then again you probably don't care... your probably thinking "why should I do that, they wouldn't like me anymore if I didn't". I just have to say, stop thinking about you...

Unless this post is a troll...

So if you have a subconscious need to act like that, I'd say the source of inspiration for that kind of stuff is probably your favorite music genre. If you have that kind of problem, stopping listening to rap can't hurt.

Shayna has a boyfriend, but their relationship is pretty much in its red star stage and they're not really "together" anymore. I knew this from the very beginning.

Why do people never listen to me?



Why were you shocked when she had on her Facebook page that she was in a relationship?

Edit: By the way, don't blame it on your AS. It's on you. Period.

Telling her about the Eminem song is my biggest regret. I'm pretty sure the subconscious message she got from that was "I'm the kind of guy who murders his own girlfriend." Whether she really is taken or not, if she doesn't want to have anything to do with me after this, I won't blame her.

At first, by the comment above, I imagined you had battered her with verbal hostilities accusing her or lying about her phone, and reading down the conversation it did seem like you were heading in that direction, but you didn't and the conversation ended fairly diplomatic on her end so I don't think it went as poorly as you perceive. However I would like to point out some things that seemed a bit harsh and might put a lot of girls off.

First is your frequent use of profanities. I notice certain socio-economic classes of men interact this way, using frequent profanities and words like "bro" "man"and "dawg" in an attempt to announce their masculinity and gain what they perceive to be respect. Girls generally see through this as insecurity and that tends to be a big turn off. It might also indicate to them that you're not interested in them romantically because most guys who are romantically interested in a girl are not so harsh worded with her.

Second are phrases such as...


This is an explicitly hostile remark. You should avoid telling people something they do or say is bullsh!t. This is the type of thing you would say to a sales person trying to swindle you, not a friend or a romantic interest.

She was clearly put off by it, as indicated by her comment...


She appears taken aback and you likely scared her. Women are generally afraid of men who make accusations out of the blue.

It seems like she eventually gives you some benefit of doubt though that you may have been joking, and doesn't write you off completely at this point though. She does continue the conversation to some degree but it seems that she's just trying to be polite. Notice the terseness of her answers and the fact that she doesn't ask you any questions.


Another thing you shouldn't have said...


As a stand alone question this might have seemed very innocent, however being your previous comment may have scared her a little, you talking about her getting shot is a point of concern for her.

A better thing to have said would have been "Well I'm glad you're ok"

And then you said this...


In the context of the previous two comments, first you said something which could be interpreted as a hostility, then you asked if she had ever been shot, and now you are talking about fantasizing about people trying to kill you.

If you can't see how this might scare a girl, I will elaborate at your request.


This part of the conversation seems to go ok for a while. You explain why you are chatting with her and chat a bit about a fairly neutral subject.



But then you steer the conversation back towards violence and murder...specifically violence against women.



She is clearly not impressed or amused.



Then you dig the hole deeper.



She tries to be diplomatic as she plans her escape.



Then you steer the conversation back to a zone you never should have left.



I mean this portion of the conversation didn't really go how you wanted but it was still within the bounds of acceptable.

But then you say....



This wasn't necessarily wrong to say but it really does give the impression of a dog licking it's wounds. It's difficult to tell how she interpreted it. She may have interpreted it as sarcasm and responded by laughing at something she thought was intended to be a joke, or she may have interpreted you as being serious and responded with sarcasm.



Anyway the very important lesson to be learned here is, when talking to girls you don't know very well, and who don't know you very well, don't talk about murder, or violence. Don't use so many profanities. Don't pull accusations out of the blue whether you mean them or not.

You might be able to salvage your image with her. You should tell her you realize you might have scared her and you wanted to apologize if you did because you didn't mean to. You can tell her you have AS and sometimes you try to look cool and just end up looking stupid.

Last edited by Chronos on 11 May 2011, 2:43 am, edited 1 time in total.

I know, but I want to be on friendly terms with my peers. If I tell them I don't have any hostile feelings towards them and it's just my social retardation acting up, they are more likely to understand, I think.

I sent her another message regarding the talk of violence.

OR they see you blaming it on something else and think that you can never take responsibility for your actions, which you need to do.

Seriously don't know wtf I read but that girl is more tolerant than me.

If you're not some swearing rapper try hard don't act like one.

But also blaming it may prevent you from fixing it. If you acknowledge that there are lots of NTs with similar problem and that one of the main reasons for your behavior and responsible for worsening it is "What goes in, will come out" principle, then it is more easy change what goes in.

Last edited by Suomalainen on 11 May 2011, 3:37 am, edited 3 times in total.