well, it's official

Post Reply New Topic

My dad is partly ruining my chances at a love life.

There's this OkCupid girl that I've mentioned before that I met online (not in person) last November. I think she likes me and I like her. But I said to her today, is my not having a car a sticking point with you? Her response: that and the fact that your father won't let you have a computer, how old are you again?

Technically, my dad does let me have a computer, and I just had a phone modem connection, but my dad had my receptacles for phone cords cemented shut because I occasinoally used the computer to view pr0n.

You're living with your father, I assume?

Nope. He's my legal guardian (I'm trying to get him to take the guardianship away) and my landlord.

I told her I would try to sneak around and get a laptop fixed that I have. We'll see.

I'd be surprised if your local library doesn't have internet-connected computers you can use for free. However, it seems like there's a bigger problem, and that is that your father is your legal guardian. That means that he actually does have quite a bit of control over you and your actions - which is going to make you less attractive to any woman. Contact Legal Aid or the Social Services organization in your town/county/township to understand what your options are concerning terminating his legal guardianship of you.

Move out. I know, I know. Easier said than done...but still. According to this thing, you're 40. Why is he your legal guardian? Are you capable of living independently? If so, get the legal guardian crap terminated and leave. If not...well you may not be ready for this sort of thing (dating). And, from what I have seen of other women, they aren't usually too keen on men that cannot care for themselves.

Yeah, I agree that the legal guardianship has to go if it's no longer necessary. It's going to be an obstacle in allowing you to actually recover and progress as an independent adult... which includes developing relationships. Now knowing this is your situation, I can understand her being reluctant. I don't think you should carry on with anyone who wouldn't be reluctant at your current situation, honestly. Even if she acknowledges that you are capable of living independently, a domineering and controlling father like that would not be a desirable addition to her life.

I'd tell her that you understand her concerns and share them. Tell her you're working to change your situation so your father's control is no longer an issue in your life.

I've found that legal aid can be very stingy with what services they provide to people in need, but it's worth asking (and please ask more than once) if they'll help sort this out. Also, contact the abuse hotline to see if they think your father is exploiting you by controlling you. They may have more resources for you to contact and discuss your situation. If you can just get in the courtroom, I know adjustments can be made. A judge would laugh (and possibly point) at him if he tries to justify controlling your access to the internet based on you, as a grown adult, looking at pornography. That's ridiculous.

Plus, the extreme he went to to isolate you based on this action that he considers offensive is out of line. My husband works in IT. He blocks websites on my teen's computer and we can monitor every website he visits. Your father could have hired a computer guy to come in and do this for $25.

You also don't know what's available for you. You may not need him as a landlord. There may be more resources available to you to help you live independently. You need to start talking to people. The first place I recommend is an abuse hotline.

Hang in there. Just gather together a game plan and you'll figure this out.

I used to work in a law office that handled guardianships. If you find out which court handles guardianships, and write a letter to the judge in charge, he or she may have the authority to initiate a review of the terms of your guardianship and have the county pay for an attorney ad litem to represent you. It depends on your local laws, but I saw it happen in Texas. I'd also recommend talking to an attorney at legal aid before doing anything. Only an attorney will have the training to advise you about unintended consequences.

In case you are unable to undo the legal guardian thing, have you considered trying to talk to him and explain him why you need to have a computer?.

I mean you are both reasonable adults Im sure you can explain him why you need a computer and he´ll probably understand that you need an internet connection and he needs to be less over protective.

Well, I went through a lot a crap with schizoaffective disorder, and so did my family. I guess I can see why people social workers during my hospitalization in fall of 2009 told my dad to become a guardian.

But it's not longer necessary. For a while, I think my parents were afraid to give up the guardianship. But I brought it up with my parents today, and my dad told me had forgotten to modify my request to modify the guardianship in a way so that if I could not make a legal decision on my own, they could make it.

I'm going to get a laptop that someone gave me repaired so that I can use it. I can't pay for modern internet cable or DSL, but maybe i can pick up WiFi where I live. Or, I can go to some nearby restaurants that have free WiFi.

Do you support yourself financially? That's not a written requirement, but if you're in a situation where because of Autism or other disorders you're unable to pay your own bills, it doesn't bode well for the likelihood of a judge declaring you no longer in need of a legal guardian.

More importantly, if you're going to make that a goal, you shouldn't do it for some girl on OKC who insults you and your situation.
You should do it for you.