List of horrible dating advice

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Some people/users give dating advice to people without taking into consideration of the person's age/gender/location/financial status.

Some pieces of advice can be good for one gender, terrible for the other.
Some pieces of advice can be good for a certain age group, terrible for other age groups.

In sum,some can be very good for some, terrible for others.


Below is the list of the most frequented horrible and misleading dating advices , between [ ] are the attributes of the victim who's been given the misdealing advice.


1- Be yourself [to an mid-20 adult who never had a gf/bf] : The main reason why he/she reached this age (25 and above) and yet failed of having a significant other is most probably him/herself, he/she can't keep being the exactly same self and hope for the SO to come.

2-When you stop searching, you will find the right person [To someone who's older than 30]: People over 30 don't have plenty of available choices and time anymore ,if they don't make any effort to seek for the SO then their chances of finding one is ridiculously low.

3- I am unemployed yet I had a girlfriend!! [from unemployed very young guy to an over 25 unemployed adult guy]: What females expect from younger guys isn't the same as what they expect from older guys. An fresh graduated unemployed 20-24 guy isn't much of a turn off as a 40 yo guy who's still unemployed. So such statements are misleading if the age element isn't taken into consideration. Let's face it, males are born to work , working is not optional for males, and most females expect older males to work. Unemployment of a female isn't a deal-breaker for most males.


4- You should only date aspie people [to any WP user] : Yeah...righht. Good luck in meeting one.


5- Eat less fatto!! [to an overweight person who was going on diet for ages]: Not all bodies are the same, and losing weight isn't as simple. Genetic and environmental elements are strong factors in this too.


6-You're amazing , a guy/girl will come for you!! [to an whiner emo]: Truth must be said instead to the whiner emo, STOP BEING A WHINER EMO.

7- There's plenty of fish in the sea (without stating any other thing) [to someone who's very adult (over 35) failed in tons of relationships] : F**** you , stop saying this cliché crap already.

8-Awww ,but you are an amazing and cute guy!! ! I am sure plenty of girls fancy you. I would date you if I was younger and not married! [from a much much older woman to a very young guy who's having a hard time in getting a date] : Her opinion doesn't count much ,it's the the opinions of the girls of his age range that usually really matter (unless if he likes to date much younger or much older women). Girls of his age group would usually have a different mentality (due to generation difference), different hormonal levels, different expectations, different views than hers and of her generation. Hence, such statement is very misleading.

9- Use online dating only!! ! [to anything breathing]: Online dating is just horrible and unnatural most of the time. Period.

You can add your 10s,11s....etc

/logging out

OK, so I don't like being my weird and socially avoidant self.

Excuse my French, but who the f**k am I supposed to emulate?

I've tried the whole "alpha man" act and it sucks massively. For one, I can't become this super confident social NT guy who pulls women just by giving them the "look" whatever the hell that means. I also don't get the advice about being dominant. Am I supposed to physically assault other men to get women's attention? Seems like I'll go to jail, or more likely, a mental asylum.

I'm just running out of ideas and getting very very depressed and angry.

Excellent list. I would add:

10. "Just..." [to someone who lives in a remote rural village]. The number of people within 100 miles changes everything. Less important but still significant is the absence of entertainment, clubs, or transport.

11. "There is someone out there for everyone" - maybe, but if you are very different you may have to move hundreds of miles and give up many of your dreams.

12. "If she likes you, income won't matter." Technically true, but many more people will like you if you have a well paying job and the confidence it brings.

13. "Just be confident." Confidence depends on knowledge and experience. Fake confidence is hard to maintain: fake anything is dangerous. Better advice is to gain as much experience as possible.

14. "Do what I did" [spoken by someone who is better looking/wealthier/more normal than you] - being reminded that other people have it easy does not help.

About the only good advice I have ever got is to get as much experience as possible: forget about who, just date anyone you can. Everything else (experience, confidence, realistic decisions) will follow.

Respect!

Someone had to say what you said. Good of you to say it.

15. "Don't care about rejection, it happens all the time." Yeah and it hurts like hell too...

I don't get so much bad advice but the advice I get is extremely contradictory. Like I'll be having a conversation with someone about relationship stuff & they tell me to be myself but a few days latter while having a conversation with em about something else; they get upset & go off on this tangent about how I'm turning people off because of the way I act & talk & how I need to quit being the way I am. yet a few days before the same person told me to be myself. There's been lots of other times where someone would tell me something close to the opposite of something they've already told me earlier. I do NOT handle contradictions well

Some notes interjected in italic.

1- Be yourself [to an mid-20 adult who never had a gf/bf] : The main reason why he/she reached this age (25 and above) and yet failed of having a significant other is most probably him/herself, he/she can't keep being the exactly same self and hope for the SO to come.

While some things can and should be changed and improved, the problem with not being yourself is that it is not sustainable. If you marry someone who fell in love with someone you are not, you'll quickly get divorced, and the spouse will feel defrauded. Be yourself means don't pretend to be a foodie if you aren't, and don't pretend to love gory movies if you don't. And so on. The truth will come out. It does not mean you can slough off and forget your grooming if that is what you like to do, and it does not mean you can be rude if that is what you are inclined to do. And so on. And for that foodie stuff that isn't you and the gory movies you hate ... you tell the date that they aren't your thing, but you are happy to keep him or her company simply because it makes THEM happy. The problem isn't the advice, it is misunderstanding the advice. IMH and aged opinion

2-When you stop searching, you will find the right person [To someone who's older than 30]: People over 30 don't have plenty of available choices and time anymore ,if they don't make any effort to seek for the SO then their chances of finding one is ridiculously low.

This advice is about the reality that focusing your energy on finding a mate that may not in the cards for you is a complete and utter waste of time. No one is saying hovel up and shut your eyes; the advice is about not making the search a priority in your life as a goal of its own. It means live life for yourself, do the things you enjoy, and be fulfilled on your own. Eyes wide open to the possibilities that come your way, of course. Because a funny thing happens when you simply start living life and having fun with it: you become more attractive to the opposite sex. And where the heck is someone over 35 supposed to look, anyway? Positive and appropriate search locals don't really exist. Where might someone older actually meet someone? Doing what they LOVE to do. I was that nearing 35 year old woman being told to stop looking and start living. And as life would have it, then I found someone. It took one of my sisters until 40, and another is over 50 and still single ... but at least she has no regrets about wasted years looking. She's stopped worrying about Mr. Wonderful years ago and simply started living life. She has a great time.

3- I am unemployed yet I had a girlfriend!! [from unemployed very young guy to an over 25 unemployed adult guy]: What females expect from younger guys isn't the same as what they expect from older guys. An fresh graduated unemployed 20-24 guy isn't much of a turn off as a 40 yo guy who's still unemployed. So such statements are misleading if the age element isn't taken into consideration. Let's face it, males are born to work , working is not optional for males, and most females expect older males to work. Unemployment of a female isn't a deal-breaker for most males.

Unemployment is a problem, I'm not going to lie to anyone about that. It introduces a level of stress into any relationship, so taking that on from the get-go is something people instinctively avoid. Are there really people who pretend this isn't a barrier? It isn't always a deal breaker, but it is definitely a barrier.

In my perception, many people who complain about dating aren't even looking for anything substantive-
they're not looking for the woman, for instance, but a woman (hence the advice here about dating anyone who will say yes, putting on an act to attract someone, and the reference to love and dating as "pulling" )
They make presumptions about what the opposite sex prefers, largely based on conversations with OTHER PEOPLE WHO ARE SIMILARLY UNSUCCESSFUL,
and then extrapolate those presumptions into formulating a charade which as has been said no person can sustain,
and arguably Aspies will have a more difficult time pulling off convincingly.

They never ask themselves about what they truly value in another human being, and then spend time in places/on sites where those types of people congregate, or simple self-improvement....

cessation of rigid formulaic thinking about human beings based on their sex, for instance.

These tiny, useless snippets of advice have become part of our culture. Watch any movie that starts with the hero hitting rock bottom. With a piece of advice like the ones above, one hour, and a couple inspirational theme songs later; he's on top of the world.

Change really works that way, right??