Am I good enough for a good man?

Post Reply New Topic

No, it's just saying that you haven't found the right guy yet. Again, the right guy is one person. You don't find multiple right guys. Your past performance is not indicative of future performance because:

1. It's not a matter of performance
2. As I've pointed out, ONE is the number you're looking for. You can't determine whether or not you'll find that guy based on previous experience because he obviously was not in your previous experience

You're only 21. You've got time. If you have problems with a guy, immediately show him the door and don't look back. There are good guys out there, and if you keep rejecting the creeps and abusers, you will eventually find him.

I'm not going to spin some BS about anything being a definite, here. The future is a mystery. But, if the future weren't a mystery there'd be no reason to do s**t because you already know what's going to happen.

That said, I can still attempt to make suggestions that may help your odds.

For one, I have no idea what constitutes a "good man". I'm going to guess that "good man" means that there is chemistry and he won't judge you. (I may be assuming too much, I don't know what you consider a good man). If I am off base with what you consider to be a good man there is a chance that your standards are so high that finding someone to match them will be hard. May not be the case.

I won't lie, physical attraction is part of chemistry. But there is a way you can play the odds in your favor.

No racism intended, but I know quite a few black guys, and although the stereotype of black dudes being chubby chasers isn't universally true, I would say percentage wise it is much more common for them. Black people are just like any other people (maybe a little bit more fond of big butts), with a target demographic that broad you should be able to find what you consider to be a "good man". Unless you live in a very white area.

No. I can't drive and I have no money.

MrLoony - But the more good guys there are out there, the more likely I'm going to be able to get one. If there's a mass shortage, the good guys are getting swarmed by women who are tired of the abuse. Chances are, those women are thinner and prettier than me so they'll beat me out 100%

RossMc - I'm tired of people telling me that! It's like just because I'm not ancient that my concerns don't matter. Time goes by very quickly and I'll be old and alone in no time. Then what would you say to me?


GoatonFire - I live in a white area. No...chemistry and not judging is pretty much it. I didn't think it'd be so hard.

sunshower - Apartments in Harrisburg are f*****g expensive and mom won't let me leave for the city. D:

You have time to get a job, get a car, get a place in the city.

Getting slimmer should help improve your confidence and self esteem.
If it doesn't then you will still attract as*holes even if you look like a super model.

Abusers are drawn to what they think is low self esteem. They'll see it as a sign that they'll be able to get away with their abuse.

We're a bit like sales people and the product we're selling is ourselves. People are more likely to believe that our product is great if we look as though we believe it.

You need to be able to believe in yourself. That will increase your chances of success in everything else that you do.

But I should have a car already but nooooooo I had to wait for my older brother to take his sweet time to get his license and set me further behind on the road to progress.

I can't lie to people like that. I suck. If I tell people that I'm awesome, I'd be a liar and no one likes a liar.

I haven't read all your 7000+ posts but you sound as though you are awesome but you just cannot see it.

Right. How is a fat, unemployed Aspie with no car or boyfriend considered awesome? I'm pretty much the very definition of a loser in America.

And I hate it when people tell me that I'm young, like that's supposed to make me feel better. It doesn't. Life's supposed to be the best when you're young but if it sucks now, I don't even want to be around for the rest of it.

I recall that when you posted first your photo as an avatar it was very popular.

Are you a graduate? That is quite an achievement.

So you don't have a job. But you're working on it right?

Your circumstances do not define you are. Many people have a hard struggle before they make their first million.

Can you give us a list of your good points?

Popularity on the internet is pointless when you don't even see any of these people in real life. It's even sadder because it shows I have no friends if I'm on here all day. D:

Yes but there are no jobs out there. Even Walmart and McDonald's are turning people away. D:

Good points:

I'm still alive? (this is questionable as a good point)
Um...I'm not a drug addict?

I'm not in the mood to do this right now. I have no good points. :/

+1


BigK is spot on. Abusers will pick up on women who feel insecure about themselves. This has happened to me several times. You need to try and find good qualities about yourself before you decide to find a man. I've said it over and over, a mate is not going to solve how you feel on the inside. You need to feel better about yourself first if you want a good partner. Most people think that a man or woman will solve everything. I will tell you from my experience, it can get worse and in a hurry. I don't know what it is about women but most women tend to gravitate toward abusive men when they hate themselves. I knew one girl who was battered and bruised by her bf. I asked why she wouldn't leave him and she made her usual response, that no other guy would ever want her or would be any better than the man she was with. If there's one thing that irks me it's the abusers who abuse themselves. You may want to fix inner self first before finding that right guy. Just a suggestion.

By the time I get myself all emotionally fixed from all the s**t in my life, I'll be too old to find a mate. Mom wants grandkids and since my brother doesn't want to try to date, all the pressure is down on me. Thanks. *sigh*

Remember that it is your life not theirs.

Do what you want in your own time.

But I want to have kids too. I'd treat them well and then I'd have people who'd love me because I'm assuming that the guy I'll marry will grow sick of me and leave me for a twiggy younger girl like my father did to my mother. Men just don't want to commit.

Old? Well I guess I can't say I have worried about that too despite now being near the big 30. At least times are different though. These days women as old as 55 are going out with guys like teenagers. But if it's age you're worried about you might as well go for any guy. If you're looking for a long term relationship however, you might want to rethink that logic. If a guy only values your age or outter shell, he's probably not going to stick around for very long. It's a fact we all have to face sooner or later. The question is at least for myself, who would I rather share it with? I know for myself I would rather be sharing my life with a guy who loves me for myself as I do him than be with a good looking young guy who treats me like crap. I guess you have to ask yourself what it is you want from a guy. There's nothing wrong with casual sex if that's what you're looking for. If it's a long term relationship though, you're going to get old anyway, question is how are you going to handle this in a relationship? Most people get old, divorce/stay together/die but go out with other people. Since my grandmother passed away, my grandfather is already going out with an elderly lady his age. They both look very happy so I wouldn't assume that being old means you're going to be alone for the rest of your life.

Hi Erisad.
Good luck and best of wishes to you. Keep posting please when you can.

Last edited by TheBicyclingGuitarist on 27 May 2011, 1:38 pm, edited 1 time in total.