How the hell does online dating work?

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I've been on OKCupid for a couple months now. I send out about a dozen messages a week. I only send messages if it's a girl that has similar interests and sounds like a girl that I could get along well with, I always read the profile fully first before sending a message, and I do everything I can to make the message as personal as possible. For example, one girl I messaged said she was a huge Beatles fan, and when I messaged her, I ended it with the words "all you need is love ". Silly things like that...

Now, I've noticed a trend of two things that happen:

1) No response. I'll notice at some point that the recipient of the message has viewed my profile, but I never hear anything from her at all. This happens about 90% of the time.

2) I'll get exactly one response. I follow up with something to try and get to know her better, but then my followup goes unanswered.

And no, I don't evaluate based on looks. In fact, I look at the match % number first, before the profile picture (I only message people at or above 90% match). I'd much rather have a gamer girl than a model, since the former I could actually spend some quality time with and do something we both enjoy. But even the gamer girls don't want me...

1- Your photo, we have to see your photo. Believe it or not, this is the most important element.

2- If you are very introvert, then your 90% matches will very introverts too, I noticed something about many introvert girls: they want extrovert and outgoing guys! So they would avoid to date 90% matches.

I've tried online dating sites. All of the women look like desperate cows grazing for a mate. I know I'm shallow......but I'm not going to make out with Jabba the Hut just because she likes heavy metal.

So yes, post a GOOD picture of yourself if you want any attention. "Looks don't matter" is BS 99% of the time.

I have to disagree, i dont think introverts would be more likely to want extroverts. If its anything they would be more likely to want introverts. Opposites dont attract, its a common misconception.

Opposites dont attract, true.

But not in the case of the introvert girls I met....they usually want to "date up" someone more outgoing, "life-lover" (aka extrovert), I am just talking based on my personal experience though.

90% and above match is too high of a standard. Try 75%.

My ex was a 93% on OkCupid. We were great friends but I don't think it really would have lasted if given the chance. Sometimes people can be too similar. >.<

If you don't have a picture up, people will assume you're disfigured or lazy, neither of which are appealing qualities. Also the "all you need is love" thing in your message may have come off as a little creepy, even though it was a direct reference to her interests.

I recently joined that site, and was appalled at how many fake profiles they have up to make their selection look better, in order to get more people to sign up. That could be your first problem.

The second is probably scammers. I signed up and added NOTHING to my profile, not even a picture. I IMMEDIATELY was swamped with emails and winks (or whatever they do), which told me that there wasn't something quite right with those profiles. If those were legit, there were some awfully desperate women online at that time of night.

Last, online dating is entirely f*****g random. I've only managed a couple first dates from those sites. I don't know about you, but the women my age on these things are close to the bottom of the barrel material.

Lots of people just don't take dating sites seriously. Also women are swamped with messages on them so it's harder to keep someone's attention - It's not to do with you.

If you are unwilling to post photo here are some tips on how to get better photos http://www.wikihow.com/Be-Photogenic

Don't take photos with camera in your hand from 60 - 70 cm, couple feet distance. It makes getting good posture harder, and generally shots with camera close to face look much more worse than just looking yourself close in the face at mirror, probably due to camera having only one lens, not two eyes. Also choose clothing color well, if you have red tones in your face, light colored clothes can really make them pop out in unwanted way etc. More tips in that link.

That's just setting yourself up for failure when they see you in person looking average or even ugly.
Plus, it's a great way to screen out people who are concerned with such things, if you aren't interested in them.

Yeah, I've seen most mens tastes. Putting up your average picture works for women. Same with guys, since most girls are looking for many things BEFORE looks.

One reason why I hate dating sites is because they are so fake! If the people I've dated in the past tried to contact me though a dating site I probably would have ignored their message. Why? Because it's a false environment to find a date. I compare it to a friend going down the street, grabbing a random man and saying "Go on a date together".

Some professional photo shoot photos might be an overkill, but why not to post photos where you look as good as in real life, not where you look worse.

i'd advise you to read all of the OKCupid blog posts (OKTrends) to get ideas of what works. they've done research on what makes certain photos, first messages, etc. more successful.

i remember you saying that you tend to have older women find you attractive. are you messaging older women or mostly in your own age group? older women don't get nearly the volume of messages as younger women do, even if they are equal in all other ways.

One of the things I did was set the setting "you must live within 50 miles to message me". A lot of these scammers are set to message you from across the nation. If you look only within your local area, the ratio of scammers/fakes to actual people goes way down.

Well I have to be realistic... it's not like i'm at the top of the barrel myself. If I was, I'd have women all over me...

The age range I have set is 20-29 (i'm 23 as of this post). One of the OKTrends articles I read said that men tend to message down to half their own age (or 18, whichever is higher), but only 2-3 years above them. That said, I have sent messages to women as old as 32. But anything above 26, the only responses I get are that I'm too young for them.


And yes, I do have a picture of me up on my profile (I'm looking up from working at my laptop). No, I didn't take it myself...