Seemingly getting over a crush, only for it to come back

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So during almost all of last year I had a pretty intense crush on a woman. I thought of her often but for various reasons tried to stop liking her. I stopped talking to her around fall of last year and around the start of this year I finally started to get over her, up until I had to start talking her again recently. Now I'm starting to feel like I did before, though not as intensely. I know I can stop myself from acting on these feelings, and I'm starting to think that I should just wait for them to pass over, instead of trying to fight them off.

Has anybody else gone through something similar and manage to get over the feeling? And if so, how did you do it?

On a sort of unrelated side note, I looked at what I wrote about her in my journals from last year and I found that I seemed to see her as a...motherly figure as much as I did a romantic interest. I'm not entirely sure what to make of that/if I should think anything of it, so I was wondering if anyone has experienced something like that too?

Last edited by kepheru on 30 May 2011, 9:33 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Yes I have felt this way before, and I really don't want to get over him. He is the one who seems to "fight" our relationship much like you seem to be doing.

May I ask...why do you want to get over her?

Well, I don't see how anything could come of me liking her, as she is happily (I think) married with 3 children, and notably older than I am. Also, I mentioned seeing her as a mother figure, which kind of freaks me out.

From my own experience, I would feel some crushes that would come back, and I'd get preoccupied with that person. Either the feeling would pass, or if not, I'd try to find out what that person was up to (nothing stalkerish, just ask a friend, or check facebook), and that usually helped kill the crush.

For example, I had a big crush on a coworker years back that was unrequited. Off and on it would come back and bug me, until I found out she was working at home depot, and was looking a wee bit chunkier.

I quickly realized I hadn't missed an opportunity so much as dodged a bullet, because I have no time to waste on lazy, unambitious people.

I find that sometimes it helps to get to know the person you have such feelings for much better then initially. This helps remove any "aura" of superb attraction from the person and helps you move away from elevated feelings.

This year I also for some bizarre reason ended up with a crush on a married woman as well. As someone with shallow emotions... I found it profound I could actually care about the well being of another person like I did at the time. This was different from other previous instances as it was not an attraction to a element of personality, but merely because in being concerned I grew to like the lady.

Nowadays I actually speak with her a lot on all sorts of topics. She is really not my ideal (in my mind at least), but I understand now that I seem to have a weak spot for the particular type of woman she happens to be.

I hope you have a clear guideline on what you can do and what you cannot do with such a person. I have trouble recognizing my person's joking invitations/serious invitations to her house and I have had reject several invitations just because its against my personal rule of conduct with married persons.

I live in Israel and life is quite different in Israel then life in the United States, Europe, Mexico and maybe even Brazil. What I mean is that Jews and Arabs rarely date and marry each other in Israel.

3 years ago I had a deep crush on a cashier that I saw when going with my mother to shop in the supermarket. Her face deeply resembled the Irish-Zambian singer Samantha Mumba but she is an Israeli Arab.

The problem is that I was too afraid to ask her out on a date then and now I don't see her anymore and will probably never see her face again in my life.

In my unconscious mind I still love her because I still cannot stop fantasizing about her, even after 3 years have passed since I first saw her.

This just proves that racism can really destroy lifes and there still is a lot of prejudice in Israel against Arabs.

I just hope that someone will come up with a antilove or anti-infatuation drug quickly so I can forget about her eventually because right now I still feel like a captive to her magic.

I had the same once too, at least I guess. There is a drug for it, and it is free: time. If you really want to get over it, it just needs time. If not, then you can't do a thing but go against all odds and try to win her heart.

If she is already married to someone then she will never be yours. The way I see it if someone is married it basically means the game is over, at least for you: she is never going to be with you, not in this lifetime at least.

Yes, this is what I believe, which is why I wanted to get over the crush. The thing is, I realize she is not really even the kind of person I want to be with (even excluding the fact that she's married), but it seems like my mind portrays her as someone very different.

Exactly. It will take time. I never understand why my heart has very different preferences then my mind.