Is this crush I have going a little too far?

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I posted here a while back about being in love with my psychiatrist. Well, it hasn't gotten any better, but I'm dealing with it and I accept that it will never be. That aside, I really do need him in my life. He's my only support right now as I have no friends...so I keep my mouth shut. I should mention that he's Japanese...

Well, yesterday I met a Japanese man and I found myself instantly attracted to him. He is a very nice guy, but I think my interest in him only has to do with my infatuation with my doctor. He has similar features and I guess being with him makes me feel closer to my shrink. I've agreed to go out to dinner with him, which I never do...I don't date because I have almost zero interest in the opposite sex. Plus I'm not very intimate...unless I'm obsessed with someone, lol. I feel kind of guilty. Is it unfair to go out with him because he reminds me of my doctor? I must sound like a total loser...

I don't know what to say. I had these obsessesive crushes on two guys in the past and then when I went out with the guys I realized the guys were not what I was looking for and then there was nothing for them anymore!

So unless you go out with someone you'll never know..

I think its normal to feel attracted to people with similar features. I find chinese men extremely attractive. I think you should not feel guilty about it. And certainly it is good going out w/someone else and trying to overcome your feelings for your doctor, because that will only lead to problems for both of you.

I with everyone else on this one. I find certain features in men/women very attractive. I even find certain races more attractive than others. I feel there's nothing wrong with that. If you're going to dinner strictly because you think of your psychiatrist when you see him, then that may be a little obsessive. Still, if you're willing to go out with him, I'd give him a shot. If things move further than your imagined with him, you may find yourself liking him for him instead of reminding you of your doc.

Relationships have a funny way of unfolding as they progress...

I would say a lot depends on who initiated it and how far you're planning to take it.

If you're actively pursuing guys who remind you of someone who's off-limits, then yes, I would say that's unfair. But, if he pursued you and asked you out -- and coincidentally he reminds you of your psychiatrist -- then I would say everything's OK for now. (Who knows who you remind him of?!?)

I say "for now," though, because I think you're going to very quickly reach a point where you're going to be required either to reciprocate feelings you don't have for this guy or to have to get yourself out of this. And that could happen by the end of dinner(!) What would definitely be unfair is for you to lead him to believe you have any interest in him (apart from his physical similarity to your psychiatrist) and to give him the impression that he has a chance with you when he doesn't.

Do you have a longer range plan -- like longer than dinner? What are you hoping for, here? If it's just a nice evening and "thanks, goodnight," then things will probably turn out just fine. If you want to push this further, though? IDK ... things like this just always seem to end badly.

Now, this is all assuming that you don't really have feelings for him, and have them only for your doctor. If you genuinely like the guy, though, then there's no issue, right? But, I'm just guessing that's not the case. This wouldn't be a discussion thread if it were, I think.

No, he approached me. I'm actually worried he might like me a little too much. Still I think I'll give him a shot and see how it goes. I have to admit though, I'm a little skeptical. Had he been any other guy (that didn't look like my psychiatrist) I would of said no right from the beginning. I guess thats what I feel guilty about.

I'll be sure not to lead him on. If it comes to it, I'll tell him I'm not interested in dating. Not only that, but I get so busy with school I don't have time for anything else...especially relationships.

This is exactly why I get obsessed about seeing guys... Because I know once school starts whatever is going on will go nowhere and I am letting my best years go by I have been keeping my distance from relationships too... I wonder sometimes if I am doing the right thing... Sigh...I keep wondering if I am going end up alone and heartbroken someday...

You're 24! Give yourself a break! Seriously, there will be time...

I kinda know how you feel. I had this huge crush on one of my classmates. He was everything I was looking for: cute, nerdy, awkward, and really interested in me. He used to follow me around and I really enjoyed it. Then he started hanging out with other people and left me behind. For months I tried to get him back. I used to cry for hours over him, and everytime he posted something on Facebook my heart would break because it was about hanging out with the cool kids.

A couple of weeks ago, I saw him for the first time in a while and he totally ignored me until his friends told him to go talk to me, which he did. He then acted like a total a**hole to me, and it was then I realized how utterly immature and fake he was. He only wanted the attention and approval of his friends, and he didn't care one bit about me. Right then and there I stopped liking him...yet I didn't.

When I see him now, I feel nothing. I honestly don't. But I still go and get misty-eyed when I think about him. Maybe it's because I keep hoping he'll change back into what he was before, or I'll be able to find somebody just like him and replace him, neither of which has happened. I don't know...I thought I had found what I wanted, and I still can't accept that it really wasn't that.

I'm also feeling a little lovesick and obsessed lately.

I can't get this cashier out of my head. When I was in vacation in Monte Carlo (in Monaco) in April, there was this Monegasque cashier that I can't get out of my head since then. The problem is that she lives in Monte Carlo (Monaco) and I live in Israel so we'll probably never be together. She had a cute (concave) baby nose, small dark brown eyes and black hair. He face was very similar to Irish-Zambian singer Samantha Mumba but her skin was light and she looked about 9 or 10 years younger and her face was thinner than Mumba's and her body even more so.

Anyways, I can't get her out of my head since then. Its like I am trapped in some kind of fatal attraction, you know like a black hole kind of attraction that I can't escape no matter what. It feels a lot like fever and it's a horrible unpleasant feeling.

Last edited by LikeGreenAndBlue on 08 Jun 2011, 10:32 am, edited 1 time in total.

Actually I think you should go out with this guy. You are attracted to certain qualities in your psychiatrist but you can't have him. However there are 7 billion people in the world and those qualities aren't unique to him. It sounds as if you have found someone else with those qualities, you are attracted to him, and he's attracted to you and willing to date you. You may have hit the jackpot, so to speak.