Okay for women, how do you feel when someone asks you out?

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but you don't have feelings for that person?

You see I'm just so damn sensitive about what people think of me, that it makes it hard for me to ask a girl out. Whether she's a friend or someone I just met that day, I'm afraid to say, "Wanna have coffee sometime" or somesuch. I know it should be no biggie, but in my minds eye I just imagine the other person being MORTIFIED. I put myself in her place, and I think,"Oh GOD, what a creep to ask ME out. Remember to avoid this guy because he's attracted to you. How awkward and sad for him."

I'm sure this perspective comes from my own believe in my low self worth to another person. I need to know, from your perspective, when someone, be it a friend, or total stranger, asks you out, and if you are not interested, what are your feelings. Do you avoid that person, or move on? Does it completely f**k up the connnection? I've lost too many friends because I thought there might be something more and I took a risk, and they just started avoiding me, which makes me think I must really revolt them and horrify them when I express that I might be interested in them.

hmm. personally i'd get very embarrassed and awkward. but i'm not really 'normal' so my answer's a bit worthless. I'd imagine you lose friends over it because they then become worried about giving out the wrong impression and so try to keep you at arms length, to make sure no mixed messages are given. not necessarily because you are a creep or revolting, but because they don't want to give you the wrong idea and hurt you feelings

Which is was worries me! I have so few friends anyways, I tend to want myself to be in the friend zone, because I figure better to play it safe and keep a friend, then role the dice for the slim chance she might like me back, versus the big chance I'll lose her forever.

But then I also get desperate to find SOMEONE because I keep losing friends to the awful war of attrition that is marriage and child rearing. My friends who marry and have kids just keep me further away because I'm not important anymore. Some of my best friends have quit speaking to me since they had kids, and it's all so awful. And so the only solution sometimes seems I must find a girlfriend of my own, so I won't be alone forever.

Honestly, I'd probably be embarassed and awkward about it too. But you can't take that personally - if you were respectful and appropriate and if she says no, it probably has nothing to do with you.

Everyone who has ever been in a successful relationship has been rejected a few times. It's a part of life. If you ask a girl out and she says no, at least you'll be glad you tried, right?

Plus, a good thing to do is to ask her for coffee so that both of you can weigh whether there would be the potential for feelings to develop or not. Mentioning a common interest as a bridge helps too. Also, if you see her around a few times, and spark up a conversation first then it won't seem so out of the blue.

Trick is often it's someone I only see once, or very seldom I worry if I don't act, someone else will supplant me for her affections. It's happened before and it was miserable.

And yet, I wish I had the courage. Right now, I think I find it preferable to wonder "what if," rather than know for sure I never had a chance.

It keeps the illusion alive that I'm desireable. Each time I ask someone and get rejected though, it's one more chance lost forever. "Sorry, I'm not attracted...I can do better."

Awkward as hell. I don't like being a b***h and turning someone down but if there's no chemistry or if I'm not ready for a relationship, I have to do it. >.<

I've been in this situation (kind of), a guy I was only interested in being friends with kept on hinting he wanted to be more. I won't go into the minutae but because he didn't want to accept that I just wanted to be friends, I started to distance myself from him. I didn't want to hurt his feelings or cause him embarrisment, I also didn't know how to deal with the situation.

Brianruns10, I think it would be a good idea to study books regarding bodylanguage that indicates sexual interest. Some of it is pretty clear when you've studied it a lot and thus when you're more sure of your welcome, you'll feel safer to ask. Also, the lady involved is more lightly to be comfortable with you asking her out.

Some things to keep in mind: (1) If she's just come out of a long term relationship, step carefully. (1A) If she shows interest she could be rebounding which can be painful for many reasons (1B) She could show interest and still say no because she might not feel ready for a new guy. (2) Women are capable of being nice but can also be mean, if a woman treats you badly try to remember that she is just one person and mean people aren't worth your time anyways. (3) Sometimes attraction is due to timing, a small amount of women can become attracted to a guy after they get to know them for various reasons.

I hope this was at least a little helpful

Incredibly flattered! I'm not the awkward type.

It's rare I get asked out - I'm told this is because I'm intimidating, I personally think it's because I always make the first move

I have been asked out by someone who I was not interested in - being asked out in general is a source of panic, fight or flight response comes into play - but the thing is that it's like when someone asks you anything, you're not 100% sure you're able to say no, so you just go along with it. I've had this a few times when people have asked me out, I've not known how to say no (assuming I've not been able to 'flight') so I go out with someone, then somewhere along the line I suddenly freak-out about what I've gotten myself into and run!

Then remember this - you're asking aspie/autistic women *blink*
I don't think my response would be like that of many NT women, I think NT women may be less likely to react this way, probably just think 'Oh, that's sweet, but I'm not interested' it may make it awkward but chances are they're just as likely to remain friendly as they are to run. Generally my way of working such things is to become friendly with someone, now I tend to be able to read body-language (men are easy to do this with, women I could imagine are a pain to read for ALL men, not just AS/ASD men), and do keep asking them out as a very casual thing, try to get them out on a group night out or event, or just for a drink or event as a very casual something to do.

I don't think people react well to 'date' because it does bring about a level of panic due to the pressure, and it is a very obvious 'I like you' which puts you at risk of rejection, if a woman likes you she WILL put in the effort to be around you and encourage you, so a casual thing can easily turn into a date if she's interested, if not a casual thing will remain casual and you'll not risk rejection or awkwardness. Or at least that's how it's always worked out for me, it seems to work.

extremely awkward and kinda sad for the person. If I don't like them, I want to say no but don't want to upset them.

It's usually not about "I can do better" It's more like, there's just no attraction there.

I've given guys the brush off in the past because of no initial attraction, but it grew over time and when that happened I told the guy. If he's still interested, great, if not, my loss.

Very enlightening thread!

What does it mean when they spray pepper spray in your face? It's so awkward, I never know what to do except fall to the ground and scream...

awkward and sorry... and be as nice as possible

Like others have said here, if there is chemistry, then being asked out can be exciting. Some guys who have shown interest in me have not been attractive or interesting to me. I also don't like being approached by random strangers and asked for a date, because of bad experiences accepting dates with men I didn't know. My current boyfriend surprised me because I wasn't really looking for someone to date, I was just coming out of a long period of isolation and going to group events. Maybe you will have this too; just when you aren't looking you might meet someone.

I think very highly of men who get up the courage to ask a woman out. Though I'm not asked out frequently, and I was not interested in the few men who have asked me out/was not in the position to date at the time, I still thought very highly of them for doing so and they still made my day.

I do not think most women would think you are a creep for asking them out. If they think you are a creep, they likely did before you asked them out, unless you asked them out in some creepy way. It's not unreasonable to ask someone out though. The few women who do think you are a creep for asking them out are either emotionally immature, stuck up b!tches, or both and you wouldn't...or shouldn't want them.

Or they could just be not interested. Or in a relationship already. Or had bad experiences. Who knows?