Am I setting myself up for failure...

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drgreen19
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12 Jun 2011, 10:24 am

...With unreasonably high standards in women?

Or is that just plain misogynistic?

Yes, I recently decided to finally define what i found attractive in women, and after I began evaluating people based on my standards, I would soon realize that I had excluded the entire school of potential candidates.
For myself to consider asking anyone out, they have to meet all of the criteria for me even to consider anything. Even any small deviation from the list will cause me to exclude them by default. Am I setting up myself for self-sabotage by defining such high standards in women, and as for myself, I am really starting to think that they do not correlate to my current position, as I am not 'a ladies man' myself. Or am I starting to become misogynistic in the process?



AardvarkGoodSwimmer
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12 Jun 2011, 11:22 am

Maybe you're trying to left-brain it, when it would work better if it was a combination of left- and right-brain?

You might meet someone you find very appealing even if she doesn't meet one of the formal standards, maybe precisely because she doesn't meet the formal standard.

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Now, as far as excluding everyone in the school. If it's a high school with, say, 2,000 students (approx. 1,000 young women, 1,000 young men, maybe only 1 out of 500 people is aspie . . . ) I don't necessarily need to date someone who's aspie, but they need to be aspie-friendly. All the more reason to take it in medium steps, not giant steps, and not baby steps where it's hard to get any social read on the situation, but medium steps. Even at a university, with your particular dorm, your particular intramural tennis team, your particular, say, astronomy course track, it can still be a relatively small pool.

Religion might be an obvious area where if a person is making a written list, yes, it's preferable to have someone with the same religious views. But, once two people met, they may find that it's just not that big a deal.

And, as an example with physical appearance, many women feel they have too big a butt. But with the right woman, depending on how she carries herself, it can be one of her most appealing features.



J-P
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13 Jun 2011, 3:12 am

drgreen19 wrote:
...With unreasonably high standards in women?

Or is that just plain misogynistic?

Yes, I recently decided to finally define what i found attractive in women, and after I began evaluating people based on my standards, I would soon realize that I had excluded the entire school of potential candidates.
For myself to consider asking anyone out, they have to meet all of the criteria for me even to consider anything. Even any small deviation from the list will cause me to exclude them by default. Am I setting up myself for self-sabotage by defining such high standards in women, and as for myself, I am really starting to think that they do not correlate to my current position, as I am not 'a ladies man' myself. Or am I starting to become misogynistic in the process?


I'm a confirmed mysogyn. I approve domestic violence on women :twisted: